Author: kalynn
[email protected]
Rating: PG
Classification: S/A
Keywords: M/S, like on the show; character death, lots o'angst
Summary: Mulder remembers a sacrifice.
Spoiler: nothing really
Archive: Okay for Gossamer, others ask first, thanks!
Author's Notes: Well, it's a song story. Sorry. :-) This song has been calling out to me for a while now. Also, this is the end of a major dry spell for me, so I hope it's okay!
Disclaimer: Straight simple and to the point: Mulder and Scully are property of FOX Television, 1013 Productions, Chris Carter, and probably a bunch of other people. If I owned them, I wouldn't need student loans. :-) "Armageddon" c 1998 Touchstone Pictures, "Remember Me" performed by Journey as found on the Armageddon Motion Picture Soundtrack, c 1998 Sony Music Soundtraxx.
In his shaking left hand, Mulder held the note Scully had left for him. His other hand clutched his key to her apartment. The darkened interior still smelled like her, he noted. Then again, it hadn't been that long since she had last been there.
He had found her letter lying on the coffee table in his apartment. He had returned home after quite possibly the most hellish day of his life. Picking up the plain white envelope, he had instantly recognized the handwriting. His knees buckling out from under him, he fell onto the well-worn couch. Grief had torn at him already that day, and he wanted to hide from anyone and every thing. Yet in the end, he found he was unable not to cling to his last connection to her.
Reading the letter had torn at what remained of his heart. After he regained what composure he had been able to collect, he had driven over to her apartment.
Closing the door behind him, he turned on the overhead light. Squinting until his eyes adjusted, he found himself still curious about the letter she had written hastily that morning. Collapsing down onto a chair near the door, he fought the shaking that sought to overtake him. The past forty eight hours had passed in a daze. He had sought to keep functioning by not allowing himself time to think. When he stopped to think, was when the grief returned.
When his eyes would cooperate, he reread her letter as tears again pricked at the reddened hazel orbs.
****
In writing this, I'm admitting that I may never be able to speak to you again. I don't know, it's just a feeling I have. That brings a weight onto my heart like few other things could. It is my hope that you'll never have the opportunity to gaze upon these words, but I cannot go without a word. In just a few minutes I'm going to do something that you'll not approve of, but that I must. You'd do the same, and have done the same time and again, for me. Please, if things go badly, do me two favors.
A silent sob escaped him as he recalled that it had indeed gone badly. He had hoped she wouldn't come to find him that day. When he saw her enter the room, he realized he had never been more scared for someone in his life. Like a mantra, he kept repeating silently She'll be okay, she'll be okay. The next few moments passed in a blur of motion, he heard the strangled warning cry that had come from his own throat. Still, he had felt removed from the action, although he was mere feet from it.
In retrospect, he was still unable to recall what had happened to lead to his being kidnaped. He had no memory of what had happened during his lunch break two days before. He had woken up in an unfamiliar room, with no identifying features. When he realized that he was tied down to a bed, he fought to stay calm.
When his captor finally made an appearance, he instantly recognized him. Eric Charlton. Charlton had been the main suspect in a case that he and Scully had been called in to assist on earlier that year. However, he had managed an escape, and had since evaded capture. While he held Mulder captive, he rarely spoke, leaving Mulder to wonder why he had kidnaped him at all. He could see the man limping, and knew it was the result of the confrontation before his escape. Mulder, however, had not been in the building when the botched capture had taken place.
To keep his mind occupied, he concentrated on finding a way to escape. Then Scully came for him.
****
Mulder continued to read her letter:
***
Mulder found he could read no farther, the tears finally filling his eyes so that the words were merely a blur before him. Waves of emotion that he had locked away as best he could again began to wash over him relentlessly. Standing with a strength he thought he lost some time ago, he walked over to the stereo that sat by the far wall in her living room and pressed the power button.
Seeing that the cd was ready to play, he chose the second track and waited for the music to begin. For some reason, the music seemed to fit Scully. Not an overly sappy piece, but instead it sounded like what would be referred to as a power ballad.
**
Mulder's body slowly sagged to the floor under the weight of the memory of what had proven to be the most miserable day of his existence. Still the music pressed forward, unaware of the anguished soul listening.
****
At first, Scully hadn't made much of the fact that Mulder was late returning from lunch. It wasn't like he was the most punctual person she had ever known. Working on some paperwork, she didn't begin to worry until sometime later. The later he was, the more often she glanced over at the clock on the wall. Something inside her told her something wasn't right.
She walked across the small office, and picked up the phone on his desk. First she dialed his home number, waiting until the machine picked up to hang up the phone. Next she dialed his cell phone. Again, she received no answer and hung up the phone in frustration.
The nagging feeling in the back of her mind led her to Skinner's office. Maybe he might know something, she thought.
While she spent the rest of the day searching for clues as to where her partner had gone, Mulder was waking up in a featureless room.
Over thirty-six hours later, Scully had gone home. They had been searching for Mulder since the afternoon before, but all they had managed to find was his car sitting in a deli's parking lot. Exhausted, she collapsed onto the couch. She had only gone home at all as a concession to Skinner, who had begun to threaten her to go home and get some rest. Scully had no intention of staying there very long, but had finally fallen into a fitful sleep.
She jumped when her cell phone rang at two a.m., the noise muffled by her jacket pocket. Digging through the folds of fabric, she pulled out the small phone and glanced at the caller i.d. Mulder? She almost screamed from relief, and quickly punched the send button.
"Mulder?"
A gruff voice replied, "Not quite, Agent Scully."
"Who is this?"
"Oh, and I thought you'd remember me . . ." She could hear some commotion on the other end of the line, and strained to hear anything that might help them figure out where Mulder was. "Anyway, Agent Scully, I think I have something you want. What shall we say to a little exchange?"
Staring in disbelief, Scully shook herself out of a daze. "An exchange for what?"
"You," was the simple answer almost in a whisper.
In the background she heard Mulder, nearly frantic. "Scully! No, don't do it! Sculllly!"
There was an audible shuffle on the other end of the line. "I didn't tell you to take that gag out of your mouth, Mulder. Can't have that can we?" His words were punctuated by what sounded like him kicking Mulder. "Well, Agent Scully?"
It took her a second to switch back over to the conversation, her attention was focused on her partner. "Where do you want to meet?"
Sour laughter filled her ears. "9327 Heritage Bay Road. Five a.m. And Agent Scully, no tricks. While we're not there now, I'll know if you try something. And it's your partner who'll pay the price." A click signaled the end of the conversation.
As she sat on the couch, she turned on her c.d. player and tried to decide why someone would want to trade her for Mulder. A little while later, she realized who he was. She recalled the Charlton case, and suddenly it was clear. As clear as it was going to be, anyway. It had been she who shot him that day, and somehow he had figured that out.
A plan was already forming in her mind, and the last thing she thought of as she began to get ready was that she couldn't let Mulder pay for her actions.
**
Before three that morning, Scully was planning to go meet up with Eric Charlton. Her stereo, which she had never turned off, continued to play in the background while she dressed. Standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom, she was brushing her hair when a familiar song began to play. Some time before, she and Mulder had gone to see Armageddon together, and afterwards she had found herself buying the soundtrack. Listening to what the song said, the words made sense the way they never had before.
Running into the bedroom, she found a pad of stationary and pen and began to write.
**
Just before four in the morning, Scully stood facing Mulder's apartment door. As silently as she could, she unlocked the door and walked inside. The faint glow of the fish tank beckoned her and she smiled when she found herself feeding the surviving fish. Turning she looked around the darkened apartment, and pulled an envelope from her pocket. She gently laid it down onto the coffee table and turned, walking out of the silent apartment. Without a look back, she left the building, got into her car and drove toward Heritage Bay Road.
**
The clock in her car read four minutes till five when she pulled up outside the address she'd been given. Pulling out her cell phone, she punched in Skinner's number. She knew he would be upset that she hadn't called him the minute she'd been contacted by Charlton. In the end, she hoped he would understand.
As she'd suspected, Skinner had been rather annoyed that she had acted without alerting him. He tried to get her to wait for back up, but she refused.
"We're on our way now, Scully. If you won't wait for us, be careful." His concerned tone betrayed any displeasure in his words as he finished their conversation.
"I will, thank you sir. Good bye." She clicked the end button on her phone and after getting out of the car, she walked toward the house. She could feel someone watching her, and braced herself for the trap.
Approaching the door, she held her gun in one hand and pushed the door open with the other. Scanning the empty living room, she stopped when she heard a voice. "Welcome Agent Scully. Oh don't worry, it's just Mulder and me back here in the bedroom. Why don't you join us?"
Cautiously she walked toward where the voice had come from, careful to not walk in blindly. The first thing she saw was Eric Charlton leaning against the far left wall almost casually. In the back, left corner she found Mulder. His hands were tied in front of him, he was gagged and he had a nasty gash on his face, but other than that he looked okay.
It took less than two seconds for her to look her partner over and turn her attention back to Charlton as she walked toward Mulder.
"Uh-uh-uh, Agent Scully. That's not part of the game plan. Now drop your weapon." She could hear Mulder's muffled cries as she slowly lowered her gun. When she saw Charlton start to raise his own weapon she kept from dropping hers and again aimed at Charlton.
"Put the gun down, Charlton. I'll shoot, don't think I won't."
His hollow laughter bounced off the dim walls. "Well, I already know that now don't I? But at least I'll take you with me."
When she saw his finger flex on the trigger, she fired her gun. Mulder strained against his bonds as the double blast filled the room and each of the standing figures crumpled to the floor.
**
Winds of change, we can't explain
Mulder's struggling against his bonds increased as he watched the confrontation. As he saw Scully fall to the floor, he became frantic. Adrenaline surged though him as he crawled over to where she lay. His wrists were slick with blood when he finally tore through the binding ropes and ripped the gag from his mouth.
"Scully?" His voice was soft, a feather light caress across her cheek. Tenderly, he brushed her hair away from her face as he felt for a pulse with his numb fingers. He released a shaky breath when he found the faint rhythm in her throat.
"Mulder?" A sob ripped though his chest when she spoke his name.
Pulling her shattered body into his lap, he sought to speak against his tears. "Scully? Why? You knew it would be a trap, that he would . . ." His voice trailed off, unable to complete the thought.
Shock filtered through him when he saw her smile. "Couldn't let you . . . have all the fun." A sharp gasp ripped though her as she sought to fight the pain. "You okay?" She struggled to keep her eyes open for just a little while longer, as Mulder fought in vain against his tears.
"Yeah," he managed the word in between gasps for air. "Thanks to you, always thanks to you." Her body arched up as another wave of pain shot out from the bullet wound. "Hang on, Scully. You're gonna be fine."
**
You know I'd give my life for you,
Her eyes fluttered lower and lower. "Mulder . . . I am with you . . . forever." Sirens could be heard just outside the house, but Mulder's attention was riveted on Scully. Her whispered words paused his heart.
"Scully . . . I love you, partner."
He doubted she had heard him, until he heard her soft response. "Love you . . . too, partner." He clutched her closer to him as he felt shudders of pain ripple through her. She struggled for a breath, and she slowly relaxed into his arms.
"Noooo," he whispered.
**
Be there to watch over you
Skinner was the first to enter the deathly silent room. Once his eyes adjusted to the dim light, his line of sight was drawn to the scene of Mulder rocking Scully slowly. He didn't need to feel for a pulse to know that Scully was gone. Giving him one last moments peace, Skinner crossed over to where Eric Charlton lay, his eyes open and gaping at the ceiling.
Paramedics rushed in behind Skinner, and attempted to pull Mulder away from Scully. Forced to let her go, he backed away as little as possible as the team checked Scully out. Mulder knew it was pointless, he could feel the empty place in his heart that her passing had created.
Someone helped him to stand, and when he looked over, he realized it was AD Skinner that had came to his side. His hand resting lightly on Mulder's arm, he spoke quietly. "Come on, Mulder. Let's get you checked out."
As unresisting as a rag doll, Mulder let himself be led from the room. Tears continued to course down his face as he saw one of two sheet-covered bodies being loaded into the waiting ambulances. He too was then led to a waiting paramedic to be examined. Brushing off the offered assistance, his eyes pleaded with Skinner to let him leave the scene of such a horrible crime.
**
Don't you think of this as the end
While driving his car, Skinner kept glancing over at Mulder where he slouched in the passenger seat. He looked as if he was ready to drop, both physically and emotionally worn out. Much to his surprise, after leaving the house, Mulder had grown quiet and calm. Skinner admitted to himself sadly that it was behavior that he would expect from Scully, such resolved composure. By the time they reached his apartment, he was concerned about leaving Mulder alone.
"Mulder . . ." He couldn't seem to find the right words. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call. I know what Scully meant to you . . ."
The sound of the door opening interrupted him. "Honestly, Sir, I seriously doubt that you do." With that he climbed out of the car and began to walk toward his apartment building.
Behind him, Mulder heard Skinner get out of the car and jog to catch up with him. "Mulder, I'm sorry. I . . ."
"Sir," Mulder shoved his hands in his pockets and forced himself to look the older agent in the eye. "You might want to leave, before I say anything else we both might regret."
Skinner recognized the look in his eyes, and nodded his head. "All right. But call if you need anything."
Mulder nodded curtly, and turned, walking into the building. Skinner watched, a sad look on his face, wondering what would happen to such a lost soul.
**
After finding and reading Scully's letter, he waited only a minute before he was on the phone calling a taxi. He would have to remember to ask Skinner what had happened to his car. The longer it took to get to her apartment, the more anxious he became. Nevertheless, when he found himself standing outside her door, he hesitated, unsure.
Unlocking the door, he smelled the familiar scent and closed the door behind him.
****
Still sitting on the floor beneath the stereo, Mulder struggled to make sense of what had happened. He looked down at the precious paper in his hand, his eyes skimming the remaining words.
***
Scully
fin
Mulder,
****
One, don't blame yourself for what happens. This is something I must do. Two, go to my apartment. There is a compact disk in the stereo, listen to track two.
***
Remember me . . .
**
Flashback: Forty-Eight Hours Earlier
Find myself all alone in darkness without you
Now I can't turn away from what I must do
You know I'd give my life for you,
more than words can say
I've shown you how to love someone
I know you'll find the way
**
Say good bye
Close your eyes
Remember me
Walk away, the soul remains
Remember me
I'll live on somewhere in your heart
You must believe
Remember me
**
No way I could change my mind
I don't have the answers
If you could see through my eyes
You'd let go of your fears,
and though I have to leave you now
We were part of each other
I'll miss your touch, you'll call my name
I am with you forever
**
Say good bye
Close your eyes
Remember me
Walk away, the soul remains
Remember me
Remember me
**
I'll live on somewhere in your heart, you must believe...
Remember me.
more than words can say
I've shown you how to love someone
I know you'll find the way
**
Say good bye
Close your eyes
Remember me
Walk away, the soul remains
Remember me
Remember me
**
Feel I'm gone, my heart lives on
Remember me
I'll come in through your dreams
Remember me
**
Close your eyes
Say goodbye
Remember me
Say you will
Remember me
**
I have to go now, you need me. Mulder, never doubt my love for you, my greatest friend and partner. Remember, I'll live on somewhere in your heart. You just have to believe.
***
