Notes: This is only the third Profiler story I've ever written, so I hope you like it. And I need feedback to let me know what I'm doing right, and what's not so right. You might find inaccuracies in my time line, I'm having to work by memory. Two things worth mentioning... One. Nathan is still with the VCTF in my reality. Two. Coop, uh, Coop who? Sorry, I didn't like him enough on the show to write about him now .*g* This is a companion piece to my second story "Sam's Birthday Present" you don't have to have read it, but it would help.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Cynthia Saunders, Sander/Moses Productions and NBC (anyone else??) They're not mine, I'm just playing with someone else's toys. I promise to return them. Hey, if they *were* mine, Sam and John would already be together... *g* or at least no new guy.

John entered the VCFT offices looking rather worse for wear. It appeared that he hadn't slept much the night before. When Sam saw him sit down at his desk she put down the file she had been looking over and went to talk to him.

Sam approached John's desk, noting his somewhat unkempt appearance. "John?" she called out, trying not to startle him.

His head jerked up at the sound of her voice, his eyes finding hers. A concerned look crossed her face when she saw the bags under his blue eyes. "Hey, Sam." He attempted a faint smile, but it never reached his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, as she sat on the edge of his desk. They had been seeing each other ever since her last birthday. Every time she remembered the surprise he had planned for her that day she would reach up and touch the golden charm he had given her.

He sat up straighter in his chair before he responded. "Nah, just didn't sleep very well, I guess."

I could have guessed that. She thought. The question is why. However, all she said was "oh." After another moment of silence she gave up waiting on him to volunteer any more information. "Any particular reason?"

Sam noted the odd look that crossed John's face before he finally responded. "Memories of when I was little." Sam knew that John didn't readily discuss his childhood, however since they had started dating he had began to talk about it a little more easily. Seeing the concern on her features he continued somewhat reluctantly. "The last case we had got me to thinking about my dad, about before my mom and I left."

She knew that she wouldn't get much more out of him, at least not at work. "Do you want to talk about it? Tonight maybe?" She tried to sound hopeful, but knew her chances were slim.

"I don't know," he rubbed his eyes tiredly. "How about I give you a call sometime tonight. That'll give you some more time with Chloe." He stood saying, "but right now I believe we have a meeting to attend."

"Sure," she replied. She felt his hand at the small of her back, guiding her toward the meeting. It was a habit he'd developed early in their relationship that she'd grown accustomed to. While they walked from John's desk to the command center where the rest of the group was waiting, Sam was thinking about what to do for John's birthday.

Since John had never mentioned his birthday to her, Sam had asked George to find out. The result was her having four days to plan a surprise to rival the one he had pulled on her. She decided to plan a simple romantic evening for the two of them. The plan was simple enough, she wanted to recreate their first date. Right down to the music, Sam had bought the 'Titanic' soundtrack the day before.

They had just completed a bizarre case involving a strangler, so it was a slow day in the VCTF office. Sam caught herself looking out to where John was slouched at his desk every five minutes, she couldn't seem to help it. Knowing that tomorrow was his birthday meant making sure everything was done and ready. She smiled as she thought about one particular part of her plan, she wasn't going to mention it to John.

Looking up when she heard someone knock on the door, she saw John standing there. He looked like he was about to drop where he stood. Sam motioned him inside and hung up the telephone. Closing the door behind him, he moved to sit on the edge of her desk.

"Time to head home," he commented. She had to fight to keep her excitement from showing. Suddenly she couldn't wait for tomorrow night.

Looking at her watch, she replied, "Sure is. Care to walk me to my car?"

She was relieved when she saw a flicker of light in his eyes when he stood, crooked his elbow and said, "This way, Ms." He tried for his best English accent, which earned a laugh from Sam. "Plans for the evening?" he asked casually as they walked out of her office.

"Not really," she answered. They were keeping their relationship discrete, not secret but just low key. Thus, their conversations in public leaned toward the generic. "Just planning on hanging out with Chlo. You?"

He shook his head in a silent response. When they arrived at Sam's car he put his arms around her. Without a word he pulled her to him in a brief kiss. "Drive safe, 'kay?"

Sam was still enjoying the moment just after the kiss, still in his arms and replied, "Mmhmm." She forced herself to break away from his embrace and unlocked her car door. Suddenly serious, she turned to him. "Don't forget to call me if you want to talk. You can even come over if you want to."

Shutting the door behind her, she heard his muffled response. "We'll see." He stood by the empty parking spot as he watched her car drive away. He shuffled his feet for a moment before finally walking over to his own car and leaving the parking deck.

Several hours later he was staring at the bottom of a recently emptied scotch bottle. Standing up, he hurled the bottle at the wall and watched as the shards of glass rained down onto the carpet. The liquor didn't dull the memories the way he had hoped it might. In fact, it seemed no matter what he did, he couldn't shake them.

"Happy birthday, Johnny," he muttered to himself. He collapsed down onto the couch, and put his head in his hands. In his mind he might always be eleven years old. He shook his head knowing that in his dad's eyes he might as well be eleven years old. Only then he was a kid he could scare, now he was a grown man who didn't back down so easily.

Two days before he had gotten a card in the mail. There was nothing special about the envelope, so he opened it. John almost laughed when he saw that some flunkie of his dad's had written it. The dumb bastard had found his birthday written some where and sent him a little reminder of his past. The inside had read: "For Daddy's little ungrateful son. Too bad you're not still here to play with. Apparently you were a real kick when you were a kid."

Remembering what the card had said, John went into the kitchen and found another bottle of scotch. He opened it and took a long drink straight from the bottle. "A real kick..." he muttered. He had tried hard since they had left his dad to forget all he could about Boston. He had especially tried to forget the last birthday he had been forced to endure there.

John had just turned fourteen when he and his mom moved away. A couple of days before his birthday that year he'd gotten into some trouble with his friends. The real trouble started when his dad had found out. He never really paid much attention to what John had done, except when he got in trouble. Somehow his dad seemed to lie in wait to jump him whenever that happened.

That time had been no different. His dad had been waiting for him to come home from school the next day. John had been excited about his upcoming birthday, but that came to a halt when he saw the look on his father's face. For the next two hours his father yelled at him. Toward the end of his tirade, he backhanded John across the face. In shock, John sunk to the floor. His father, perceiving this as a sign of weakness, began to kick him.

Luckily John's mother arrived home to stop the beating he was inflicting upon his son. The argument that followed was loud enough for John to hear, even though he was hiding in his room doing his best to block it out.

Within three months mother and son had left.

John shattered another empty scotch bottle against the wall. He'd lost count of just how many bottles of scotch he had finished since he'd been home. Restless he began to pace back and forth the living room. Unable to burn up the excess energy, he grabbed his car keys and headed out of his apartment.

He knew that he probably shouldn't be driving, but for the moment he didn't care. Rolling down the window, he wanted to keep himself distracted. If he couldn't forget, maybe he could outrun his memories. He decided at some point that he would go to his cabin, thinking that a run in the woods if nothing else might clear his head some.

Distracted by his own thoughts, he never saw the turn in the road just ahead. Before he realized, his car was off the road and eventually came to a rest when it slammed into a tree. The last thought he had before unconsciousness claimed him was stupid.

Sam and Chloe had been enjoying an evening together ever since Sam had gotten home from work. Angel had a date, and so it was just the two of them. They had even made cookies from scratch. Free time such as it was, was rare and thus special.

She was laughing with Chloe about the flour Sam had just gotten all over herself when the telephone rang. She looked at the clock and picked up the phone, expecting to hear John ready to talk about what was bothering him.

"Hello?"

"Sam? It's Bailey."

She paused for a moment, wondering what Bailey needed so late at night. "Hi. What's up?" she grew concerned that it might have something to do with Jack.

"It's about John," he began. She was filled with dread, and as Bailey continued, her knuckles turned white against the handset. "Apparently he was drinking, ah, Sam, he's been in a car accident."

"Is he. . ." She paused, unable to voice the terrified thought she'd just had.

She heard him clear his throat before he said, "Ah, he's at Mercy Hospital right now. Just sit tight and I'll be right over to get you. Okay?" Chloe had noticed her mom staring off into space while she was on the phone and walked over to stand beside her.

"Yeah, I'll be here," she replied before she hung up the phone.

"Mom?" Chloe had waited until Sam was off of the phone before asking.

Sam blinked, and then looked down at her daughter. "Yes, baby?" She picked her up, walked across the room to the couch to sit down. She had to decide how to tell her about John being in an accident. She knew that Chloe had grown attached to him in the time that they had been seeing each other.

"What's wrong?" Big blue eyes stared up at her, an innocent look on her young face.

She smoothed Chloe's hair as she spoke. "There's been an accident, honey. I'm sure he'll be fine, but I've gotta go check on John, okay? I'll get one of the agents to come up and stay with you, alright?"

She nodded her head. Then looking at her mom closely, she asked, "but he's going to be okay, right?"

Hugging her daughter she replied, "Sure he will." Silently, she hoped that she hadn't just lied to her.

Bailey was at the firehouse in record time and they hurried to the hospital. The duo arrived at the ER just in time to meet with the doctor who had handled John's case.

Sam forced herself to be strong, she knew that losing control of her emotions wouldn't get her anywhere. "How is he?" She did, however, not waste any time getting to the point.

The doctor looked at them for a moment. "And you are?"

Bailey spoke up, "I'm Agent Bailey Malone, and this is Dr. Samantha Waters, we're here about John Grant. Before you ask, we're the closest to family you'll find."

The doctor again stopped to look at them before he continued. "Well, your coworker should know better to drink and drive. He has a concussion and he's bruised pretty badly. Other than that his right arm is broken in two places. Overall, I'd say he managed to come out pretty well, considering what the car looked like according to the police."

Sam nodded her head, listening to what the doctor had to say. "Can we see him?" she asked.

"Right this way."

When they approached, John appeared to be sleeping. It was probably a good thing. Now that Sam knew he would be okay, she was ready to kill him herself for risking his life so needlessly. Bailey excused himself to go and call Nathan and let him know what had happened.

Sam pulled up a chair to sit beside John's bed. She took his hand in her own and a few minutes later he opened his eyes slowly. Carefully he turned his head to look at the lady sitting near him. "I see that angel again," he joked softly.

Relief mixed with his bad joke made it where Sam couldn't help but laugh. Soon she became serious, "Why?" He looked like hell, but she had to know.

"It was stupid. I was trying to outrun something I can never escape by running." She looked at him, confused by his words. Sam had no idea what he was talking about and wondered if it might be the alcohol mixed with the head injury. Seeing the confusion playing in her eyes, he reconsidered. "I'll explain tomorrow." He knew she wouldn't believe him so he continued, "I promise."

"Alright," she conceded. "I'll be here to take you home tomorrow when they release you, okay?" He nodded slowly. "But right now I need to get home, get some sleep." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before leaving, being sure to avoid his hurt arm. He fell asleep almost as soon as she walked out of the door.

Sam, however, didn't fall asleep so easily. After she got back to the firehouse and checked in on Chloe who was already in bed, she tried to go to sleep. She looked at the clock and realized that she had been staring at the ceiling for over two hours. Getting up, she went into the kitchen to get some hot chocolate.

Sam sat down at the kitchen table to drink her hot chocolate and began to think about what had just happened. She couldn't believe John could do something so stupid. It was hard enough dealing with Jack as a constant threat, but tonight John had been a threat to himself. Without even thinking about it, she reached up to touch the golden moon and star that usually hung from her neck. It scared her to find it missing, but she remembered she had taken it off when she went to bed.

She made herself a note to cancel the dinner reservations she had made, and stuck it on the refrigerator. However, she decided to keep the rest of her plan, only she would set it up at John's place instead. Finishing her drink, she decided to give sleep another chance.

Early the next morning Sam nearly threw her alarm clock out the window. Grumbling, she forced herself out of bed and got ready for work. After breakfast with Chloe and Angel she called the hospital to find out when she needed to pick John up.

John was fidgeting in a hospital bed for hours while Sam was at the VCTF trying to get some work done. Finally she gave up, she couldn't get anything accomplished. By two o'clock she had knocked on Bailey's door and told him that she was going to pick John up.

When she entered his room she was met with the sight of John fighting a nurse to climb out of bed. He was grumbling something about not being allowed his clothes. As she watched, she got a full view of his backside when the hospital issue gown fell open. She couldn't stifle the giggle that escaped. He turned to look at her and noticed what she was laughing at.

"Man," he muttered as he struggled to fix the gown. "This wouldn't happen if you'd let me have my clothes." Sitting there with his arms crossed, as best he could with a cast, Sam decided he looked very cute when he pouted.

They had been talking for a few minutes when the nurse brought him his clothes. After he had dressed she was allowed to take him home. They were both quiet during the trip to his apartment. He was dreading the conversation he knew was sure to follow.

When he was settled on his couch she finally spoke. "John, are you going to tell me what happened last night?" When he looked up at her, she pointed in the general direction of the pile of glass that was all that remained of the scotch bottles.

He cringed when he looked at the floor, and then motioned for her to sit beside him. When she was situated, he began to try and explain. Slowly, he told her about the card, and the last birthday he'd had before his mother had moved him away from his dad. Sam couldn't believe what she was hearing, the things John described were horrible.

At one point, John was fighting tears. He worried what Sam would think of his show of weakness, the same weakness his father so despised. Instead he found comfort when she pulled him to her in a warm embrace, gently rubbing his hair. Although he just managed to not hit her in the head with his cast.

For a few moments after he finished, they sat beside each other silently. John fidgeted with his good hand, until she placed her hand on top of his to still it. When he looked her in the eye, she spoke. "I wish you had came to talk to me," she began.

"I felt like I should be strong enough to deal with this on my own," he said.

She silenced him with a look, and then she continued. "John, you could have been killed. Talking about it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human." She paused before she added one last thought, "losing you would have torn me to pieces. I love you, I want you to come to me when you're hurting. Damn your macho pride."

He looked away, unable to look her in the eye. He hadn't thought about the consequences when he'd jumped in the car. "In a way, I guess I still let my father run my life," he whispered. "Maybe I'm still trying to prove something to him, I don't know."

Pulling him into another embrace, she whispered, "it'll be okay. Just don't do that to me again."

John smiled, "I'll try, that's the best I can do right now. I do love you, and thank you. Just for being you." Leaning forward, their lips met in a tender kiss.

When the spell was broken, Sam stood and walked over to the stereo. She brought up track 12 on the current compact disk and pressed play. Waking back over to where John sat, she held out her hand. "May I have this dance?" Her eyes were sparkling when he stood and took her hand, leading her to the middle of the living room.

As they danced, he listened for a moment to the music. "Is this what I think it is?"

She held him tighter and said, "Yeah, 'A Life So Changed' remember? I wanted to surprise you for your birthday by recreating our first date. Dinner was out, but I managed the dance."

She placed her cheek on his chest and could hear his heartbeat. He chuckled, "Oops. Wait, how did you even know about my birthday until earlier tonight? I never mentioned it to you."

"I had George find out," came her reply, muffled by his shirt.

He was silent for a moment before she heard him whisper, "I love you."

"I know," was all she said as they continued to dance long into the night.

fin

More notes: just in case, Titanic is property of Paramount Pictures and 20 th Century Fox. It's soundtrack, including "A Life So Changed" is owned by Sony Music Entertainment. No infringement intended, and no profit was made from the telling of this harmless story. : )