| TRISTAN: Welcome everyone and welcome to barrio. Hope you all enjoyed the food. We now have a bit of entertainment for you. Our members have been working hard to put together a little play for you that will offer a slice of Filipino culture. Throughout the show, we will be using some words in Tagalog, the main language of the Philippines. If you will please refer to your programs, you'll see that we've got a list of common words and phrases in Tagalog. Please use these as a reference point. Now�on with the� Oh wait, my cel is ringing. As you can see, I have it on silent. On that note, those of you with cel's and pagers, please put them on vibrate or turn them off. Now if you'll excuse me�Hello? GIRON: Hoy Tristan Kumusta!! TRISTAN: Kumusta!! GIRON: What are you doing? TRISTAN: Nothing. Just eating some balut. Drinking a San Miguel. Dude, would you hold on a sec? I have call waiting. Hello? MARK: Kamusta! TRISTAN: Mark! Kamusta! Dude, lemme call you back, ok? MARK: Ok. TRISTAN: Giron? GIRON: sup? TRISTAN: Hold on, k? Gonna call someone. He wants to talk to you on the other line. GIRON: Sure. TRISTAN: Hello? MARK: Kamusta! GIRON: Kamusta! TRISTAN: Kamusta! Hey Alan! Pick up the cordless! ALAN: Hello? GIRON: Kamusta! MARK: Kamusta!! ALAN: Kamusta!! GIRON: Kamusta!! TRISTAN: PPA!! Kamusta! PPA: Kamusta!! TRISTAN: Everyone! Kamusta!! Everyone: Kamusta! <enter HERMAN> HERMAN: Dude! Dude! Can we get on with the show? ALAN: oh, right�yeah�ok. Enjoy the show everyone! See you when it's over! Hope you enjoy it! <exit ALAN> TRISTAN: So Herman. I was watching TV the other day, and I wondered. What if there was a Filipino on some of these hit shows? HERMAN: Dude. No need to wonder. I got this thing down at the flea Market the other day. We can see exactly what would happen. TRISTAN: Stop lying. HERMAN: Who's lying? Check this out! It's a magic remote control. TRISTAN: That's crap. I recognize that remote! You stole that from Mariano's room! HERMAN: Dude! NO! Really! Check it out! <Points in direction of the stage> SURVIVOR MARIANO: Welcome back to season three of Survivor from the Philippine province of Mindanao. Already our contestants have survived a rebel attack, killer mosquitoes, countless physical challenges, and the merging of the two tribes, Balut and Dinuguan. We are now down to our final three contestants. Which of these members of the newly created Lechon tribe will be able to outlast, outwit, and outplay? TRISTAN: Dude! It's Survivor! But wait�season 3? HERMAN: I know! The ditzy girl on this season is HOT! Thought he really mean one is kinda cute, too�and the Filipino guy! He's one of the final three!! TRISTAN: Really? Sweet! I can't wait until this season comes out on resnet. Forget the chicks! I'll watch just for him! HERMAN: umm�whatever floats your boat, dude� <awkward silence> TRISTAN: umm�yeah�let's watch the show� <JEFF, RAISA, GIRON, KATRINA onstage> JEFF: Welcome survivors. Today, you face the final immunity challenge. At the end of the day, one of you will be voted off the island and the final two will come back tomorrow for the final test of survival. GIRON: Whatever. It's game over! I'm Filipino! Of course I will survive! <sings> I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive! JEFF: Right�ok, anyway survivors, this is what you'll need to do. <sets up and explains obstacle course> Ready? ON your marks, get set, go! <obstacle course w/ tinikling bit. GIRON loses> GIRON: Wow! I can't believe I lost! That's so easy! KATRINA; OMG! OMG! I won! Like, I wonder who I'm gonna vote for. RAISA; Shut up you whore! It better not be me or I'll beat you down! KATRINA: Ok. Can I vote for myself? GIRON: Ay Nako! <shakes head> MARIANO: Who will get voted off? We'll be right back after this short commercial break. <maglalatik> MARIANO: 60 coconut shells�$60. Shipping�$20. Pants�$15. A video tape of you and 5 of your closest friends dancing maglalatik? Priceless. There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard. <pause while stage clears> Welcome back to the show. <Pandango, everyone takes one candle> JEFF: OK. Here we are at the tribal council. Katrina, you've own immunity, so we know we'll be seeing you here tomorrow. We now have to find out who else will be here. By the way, we've run out of paper, so if you will all close your eyes and vote, we'll do it that way. And audience, we ask that you vote as well, even though your votes will not really count. J <everyone closes eys> JEFF: Those of you who believe Raisa should be voted off, raise your hand. <GIRON> and those of you who think Giron should be voted off? <RAISA> umm..Katrina�is there any reason why you didn't vote? KATRINA: I wanted to vote for myself�but I didn't hear my name. GIRON: Ay nako. You're so istupid. Just vote for her. Everyone knows I must win, b/c I'm a survivor <sings> RAISA: hey, just because she's a bit slow is no reason for you to yell at her, right Katrina? KATRINA: Right! Just for that, Jeff, I'm voting for Giron, and not myself. GIRON: Poor. JEFF: Giron, the tribe has spoken. Please bring me your candle. <blows out candle> TRISTAN: Dude, that was ghetto. Did they lose funding or something? HERMAN: Yeah, CBS cut their budget so they could make it more "realistic," but anyway� TRISTAN: That sucks. I'm going to the bathroom. Do me a favor and have something good on when I get back, ok? HERMAN: Sure. <enter GIRON> GIRON: Hey Herman! What are you watching? HERMAN: You're just in time. With my magic remote, we will see what it would be like if there was a Filipino on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire!" GIRON: Really? Cool! MILLIONAIRE VERNON: Welcome to Who Wants to be a Millionaire�.Let's get our first contestant into the hotseat. Say hello to Jun. <enter TRISTAN> ALAN: Is that? HERMAN: It couldn't be! VERNON: Jun, tell us a little about yourself. HERMAN: See! It's some kid named Jun. That only looks like Tristan. TRISTAN: I was born in a jeepney. VERNON: No No. I mean what country. TRISTAN: Oooooh. Bak home. In the Pilipines. My pader was in da navy and my mother was a nurse. I live in San Diego, its too cold everywhere else. I drive a Honda Civic. My parents live with us, taking care of our four kids, Bing Bing, Ling Ling, Ting Ting and Ring Ring. It�s a nice house we hav. Clear plastic covers on the vinyl-upholstered sofa, posters of poker-playing dogs, decorated jeepneys, a bery bery nice picture of the last supper next to the giant spoon and fork, and my pavorite�.the barrel man that goes schwing. My wife, Aileen, graduated from the University of Pennsylvania. She's a nurse from New Jersey. I met her through a guy in my bowling league, DJ Mike. I wanted to be an actor like my uncle, Joseph Estrada. You know�.he's not really an Estrada. His real last name is Emralino. He's bery good actor you know� VERNON: (cuts him off) Yes Yes. Thank you Jun. That was very�ummm�.informative. Let's start with our first question for $100. TRISTAN: Wow! Pare! $100!!!!! VERNON: Yes Yes. Keep in mind that you could win 1 million dollars Jun. But on to the question. Also, remember you have 3 lifelines, phone a friend, 50/50 and ask the audience. Now for $100, What is a common utensil found on every American Dinner Table. A. Chopsticks B. Fork. C. Pork D. Nothing TRISTAN: Ay nako! Dis is bery hard question. In my country, we use our hands. But there are a lot of Chinese here too�.so it could be A. I don't know, I think it is A or D �..Can I use a lifeline? VERNON: Umm�If you need to. Which lifeline would you like to waste, errrr, I mean use. Do you have any clue? TRISTAN: I think it is either A or D. I am not sure Regis. I don't know. I think I will use 50/50. VERNON: Okay�lets get rid of 2 wrong answers. It is not A or D. It is not chopsticks or nothing. It is either B or C, fork or pork. TRISTAN: Ay nako. I was wrong. I have to ask the audience. VERNON: Audience�.is it B or C? It seems as if 100% of the audience thinks it is B. Do you have an answer yet Jun? Regis. Now that I think about it, I think the answer is C. Can I phone a friend? VERNON: I guess. Which friend do you want to call? TRISTAN: I want to call my bowling buddy, DJ Mike. He introduced my wife Aileen and I you know. VERNON: Okay�. DJ Mike: Hello? VERNON: Hello, DJ Mike, This is Regis Philbin from the gameshow "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" DJ Mike: Is this a prank phonecall? Who is this? Really. Tristan? Herman? Giron? VERNON: No No. DJ Mike. This is Regis Philbin from "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"�we have your friend Jun Emralino here in the hot seat. He is trying for $100. Here's Jun. TRISTAN: DJ Mike. Here is the question. Listen. Listen. DJ MIKE: Yo Jun I finally bowled a 300! Perfect game yo. TRISTAN: DJ Mike. No. only 30 seconds. Here is the question�. DJ MIKE: No Jun. Who cares about the $100 dollars. I bowled a 300! VERNON: 5 seconds TRISTAN: question and is cut off. VERNON: Times up. And I am afraid you are out of lifelines. Do you have an answer? Keep in mind that 50/50 left one wrong answer and one right answer, and the entire audience thinks that the answer is B. The entire audience�Do you have a final answer? TRISTAN: Ay Regis. I speak the perfect English. I know the pork. You eat with that. But the f-f-fork? I can't even say that word. I don't know that! So I will guess, b/c sometimes we eat with the pork. I think it is C. It�s the pork! VERNON: Are you sure? Final answer? TRISTAN: Yes! It's the pork. VERNON: I'm sorry Jun from San Diego who knows Joseph Estrada. TRISTAN: Know Joseph Estrada? That is my uncle! VERNON: I'm sorry. Incorrect answer. The answer is Fork�B. Sorry Jun, better luck next time�. GIRON: Dude. That was a trick question. Change the channel. HERMAN: Ok. <enter TRISTAN> TRISTAN: What'd I miss? GIRON: Dude, there was this guy who looked just like you on Millionaire�only he was stupid� HERMAN: Yeah, so it was just like you. TRISTAN: What? Poor! Ok, what's on TV? HERMAN: A soap opera, I think. Here, you guys watch. I've got to go get something to eat. <Exit HERMAN> FLAMES MARIANO: And welcome to another episode of 'Flames.' <Banko> < MARK, AILEEN, HERMAN Onstage> HERMAN (ghetto) (walks to AILEEN) YO Babe I notice you noticing me. So I just want to put you a notice that I wuz noticing you too. AILEEN: Oh for real!! Shoot I thought you wuz fine too. So wuts your name boy? MARK: Bhoy AILEEN: So Bhoy you gonna get me a drink or wut? MARK: Aite. Let's go�.(at the bar) So where ya from? Is that your boy dancing with you? AILEEN: Neh I'm just chilling right now. Wut bout you? Got a gurl? MARK: Not anymore cause I just saw the finest gurl iv seen. (got paged) YO can you hold up? I gotta check up with my boyz. I'll be back. HERMAN: Oooh�so is that your boyfriend now? AILEEN: No dad!! I just met him. HERMAN: Because if he is�I'll kill him. AILEEN: Ok, Dad. HERMAN: OK I'm going to the CR. I'll be back. MARK: (comes back) Sorry bout that!! AILEEN: That's fine. You can make it up to me by buying me that drink. MARK: Sure. (to invisible bartender) Yo! Two san miguels! (Reaches for wallet) umm�hey Aileen, I umm�don't have any cash on me�you mind picking this one up? AILEEN: what the?! I'm not that thirsty� MARK: You broke, too, aintcha? AILEEN: Yeah�But anyway, I have to dance. Let's go. (Binasuan) HERMAN: (taking wine glass of AILEEN's head) Hoy! You're too young to be drinking. Give me that! That's bad for you! MARK: Yo pops, back off. Who iz you, anyway? HERMAN: What? That's my daughter. Who are you? (freeze) MARIANO: What will happen? Will Aileen and Bhoy's hormones be able to overcome her father's alcoholism and overprotective nature? Tune in next time find out on�.FLAMES! TRISTAN: Yo, I could have sworn that was Herman. GIRON: Nah. Couldn't have been. TRISTAN: You're probly right. <Enter HERMAN> HERMAN: Hey. I brought us some drinks. Want one Alan? ALAN: no, kid. I gotta go. I have a $AC meeting. TRISTAN: Yo! Pass one of those over here. HERMAN: Here. TRISTAN: Cool, thanks. ALAN: Aight. Gotta go! TRISTAN: Later, dude! HERMAN: Peace! <exit ALAN> TRISTAN: So�what's on next? HERMAN: I dunno. Let's see. HISTORY MARIANO: Welcome to the History Channel's special on the Philippines. History follows. <Sinkil> <Tinikling> TRISTAN: That seriously offends me. HERMAN: What? Why? TRISTAN: B/c they left out a MAJOR point in Fil-Am History. HERMAN: Oh? And what's that? TRISTAN: Well, did you know a Filipino named Staten Island? HERMAN: What? TRISTAN: Yeah. There were some immigrantss on a boat once, and as they passed, one of the Filipino immigrants pointed to an island and said "Isaten island?" Get it? HERMAN: POOR! Let's watch TV. CHEF Ad lib based on MARIANO's stuff <Exit TRISTAN and HERMAN> <Enter ALAN> ALAN: Hmm�I wonder where Tristan and Herman went. Oh well. At least they left this magic remote. Hmm�I wonder how this thing works TRL <Enter JP and screaming groupies> JP: Welcome to TRL. I'm your host, Carson. Yesterday on the show, the Backstreet Boys just barely inched out Britney for the number one spot. Can they do it again? We'll just have to wait and see. But before we get there, we have some special guests in the studio. Please welcome the latest boy band, straight from the Philippines, Ay Nako! ALAN: Hey, I remember those guys. They were in Barrio last year. JP: Welcome to the show, guys. <TRISTAN, HERMAN, JEFF, and GIRON, all speak w/ accents> TRISTAN: It's good to be here, Carson. HERMAN: Yes. It's nice to be in America. Many people from my country want to come here. Now I am balikbayan when I go home. That's�WOW!! JP: That's good. Now I see you've undergone some changes as a group. Tell me about that. JEFF: Well, Carson, we wanted to appeal more the younger crowd. We also wanted to be more popular with the American girls. So, we replaced our oldest member with Mark here. He's the cute one that all the girls love. TRISTAN; That used to be me. :( JP: That's ok, Tristan, I'm sure the girls still love you. <crowd screams> MARK: But they love me more. <Crowd screams louder> JP: That's nice. Are you guys enjoying your stay here? MARK: We're having a lot of fun, Carson. JP: Really? Meeting lots of girls? MARK: Yes, but he won't let me have any fun <points to GIRON> GIRON: That's b/c I'm the big brother. I have to take care of the youngest one. No girlfriends That's bad for you! <Boos from audience> JP: ok�that's enough. So guys, you have a performance for us today? JEFF: yup, Carson. We'll be singing and dancing to O-Town's Liquid Dreams. MARK: Yeah. Those guys can't sing. I mean, did you see them on the Miss America Pageant? TRISTAN: Yes, they were very bad. HERMAN: yes, very bad. That's why Lou Pearlman fired them and hired us. JP: That's great. So are we gonna hear any original material from you any time soon? GIRON: Well Carson, let's just enjoy our performance today. The CD is coming out very soon. JP: Sounds good! Everyone, Ay Nako. <Liquid Dreams> TRISTAN: Ay Nako pose!! GIRON: Ay Nako! <shakes head> TRISTAN: Thanks for coming, everyone. |
| BARRIO FIESTA 2001 |
| A Celebration of Philippine Culture |
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| BARRIO COMMITTEE |
| ACTORS |
| DANCERS |
| Tristan Nery Herman Dulay Mark Concepcion John Angeles Shiella Cervantes Claire Pinto Raisa Patron Grace Pantaleon Aileen Emralino Mike Mariano Mike Giron |
| Vernon Balanza Eric Bolisay Jeff Braunstein Mark Concepcion Herman Dulay Aileen Emralino Alan Enriquez Mike Giron |
| Katrina Goyco Patrick Lee Mike Mariano Tristan Nery Raisa Patron JP Reyes Monica Salazar Leo Sumulong Matt Wolff |
| Pandanggo Sa Ilaw Grace Mae Pantaleon Raisa Patron Aileen Emralino Mark Concepcion Alan Enriquez John Angeles |
| Sayaw Sa Bangko Aileen Emralino An Lam Grace Mae Pantaleon Patrick Lee Mark Concepcion Alan Enriquez |
| Binasuan Roanne Mejilla Pia Bonura Aileen Emralino Amelia Lo |
| Maglalatik Fred Li Mike Giron Sang Lee John Angeles Alan Enriquez Mark Concepcion |
| Singkil Claire Pinto Mike Giron Amelia Lo Rasia Patron Mark Concepcion Alan Enriquez Pia Bonura John Angeles Chris Li Sang Lee |
| Tinikling Pia Bonura Aileen Emralino Cliff Bersamira John Angeles Alan Enriquez Mark Concepcion Mark Patron Patrick Lee |
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