When will I be free?
What is wrong with me?
Am I ugly?
Am I uncouth?
Why must I be shunned?
What must I do to feel
right again?
I yearn to live, to love
To once again see the loving eye
Of a woman beside me.
Why do they hate me?
Am I just wrong?
I love to love,
I love to be,
I try, so very hard,
I try.
What I must do?
I build myself up,
build the towers high, the castle walls beautiful
only for them to be torn down,
along with me
I am tired, tired of this life,
as it is
when is my sentence due,
when can I escape,
this prison I am in.
I want the smile,
I cry for the love,
I dream for the caring,
The life together
I want only the simple things,
as simple as they can be,
why cannot I find them,
why am I blind?
Will I be freed?
Will my torment end?
Will my sorrow, my suffering,
My pain, ever end?
The pleasure of life escapes me,
Of the ideas, of the dreams,
I want them all, I want to dream,
Of the sparkle in your eyes,
of the warmth of your skin.
Will I find love once more?
Or will it finally find me?
Am I bound forever imprisoned?
In the cell that you created,
That surrounds my heart
Left me a shell of a man
A misrepresentation of
what was once a man
You left me dying,
Not from the outside,
That is a pristine and pure façade
For that was always the façade,
And it will always be me.
I am dying from the inside.
Devouring me from the inside out.
A cancer I cannot cure
Nor that I have caused
I have no treatment
No injection to slow
The disease that
once was you.
Will you please end
my torment?
My self-hating, loathing spirit?
I need to be free,
of your tainted love,
your cancerous love
I want my freedom
I want my parole
I want you banished
From my heart, thoughts
From my soul!
Please release me,
please let me go
please abandon my heart
it was easy for you before,
do it now.
Let me be free
Let me go
Allow my heart to love
Allow my lungs to breathe
I want my world back
I want life simple again
I need you here
Or I need you gone.
You will never escape
or evade my thoughts
My heart will still yearn,
My lips miss, my arms wish
I will remain
I will exist
I won’t die, or fade away
I will be, I will stay
In the end, I will be
I will curse you name,
in the same breath
revel in the love I once had
for you.
I will not forget, I will not forgive
I will never leave, I will be free
I WILL BE ME!!!!!