| NO speeding. NO passengers. NO staying out past nine. NO doing donuts. NO changing radio stations. NO crossing state lines. NO hitchhikers. NO playing with automatic windows. NO laughing. NO chewing gum. NO cursing. NO vegetables of any kind. NO running down of endangered animals. NO bumper stickers that read �if the back seats a-rockin� don�t come a-knocking�. NO delivering pizza. NO driving down streets that begin with the letter �B�. NO rolling down the window and shouting. NO pork-fried rice. NO fuzzy dice. NO cheese fries. NO emotional ties. NO changing lanes. NO burning down an area the size of Rhode Island. NO visiting Rhode Island. NO visiting Rhode Island and then burning down Providence. NO historical jokes. NO taxation without representation. NO way Jose. NO believing in little green men from other planets. NO littering. NO loitering. NO posting bills. NO invading Poland. NO thinking about invading Poland. NO archeological expeditions. NO mountaineering expeditions. NO deep-sea diving. NO closing your eyes and picturing deep-sea diving. NO closing your eyes and picturing Jacques Cousteau in a Speedo. NO shaving your back. NO waxing your back. NO plucking your back. NO dying your back hair. NO shirt. NO shoes. NO service. NO renting out the car as a �love nest�. NO verbal abuse of Rodeo clowns. NO making up silly rules. NO eating sushi. NO talking to boys. NO talking to girls. NO talking at all. NO rock-and-roll. NO hip-hop. NO punk-rock. NO soft-rock. NO heavy-metal bands doing soft-rock ballads. NO punk-rock bands covering heavy-metal covers of other songs. NO hip-hoppers covering anything. NO covering furniture. NO polka. NO slow waltzes in the moonlight to Frank Sinatra songs. NO cross bows. NO water pistols. NO bagpipes. NO badgers. NO ferrets. NO weasels. NO squirrels. NO spinning and NO whirling. NO art. NO science. NO poetry. NO high culture. NO low culture. NO bacterial cultures. NO petri dishes. NO Bunsen burners. NO pesticides. NO bricks. NO mocking. NO cutting the rug. NO cutting the cheese. NO cutting corners. NO putting things in corners. NO putting things on top of other things in corners. NO luxuriating. NO saying �whatever�. NO ear wax. NO candle wax. NO scented candles. NO mixing fragrant wood chips and putting them in bowls. NO calling that potpourri. NO mixing fragrant wood chips and putting them in your underpants. NO calling that extra-special-potpourri. NO wearing underpants over your trousers. NO panting. NO huffing. NO puffing. NO blowing the house down. NO guitar playing. NO tuba playing. NO marching bands. NO borrowing people�s accordions and not giving them back for over two weeks. NO covering yourself in peanut butter. NO batteries included. NO assembly required. NO disassembly required. NO falling apart at the seems. NO meatloaf. NO meatballs. NO cheese balls. NO grease balls. NO fur balls. NO flash photography. NO flashy photographers. NO talking about things you don�t fully understand. NO rules that are exactly one line in length, not even if they were really funny-unless of course you have prior written consent and are a bonafide comedian living in an igloo in Australia. NO whispering about things you don�t fully understand. NO buying presents for people you don�t fully understand. NO reflections. NO refracting light through a glass prism in imitation of famous album covers. NO schoolgirl uniforms. NO schoolboy uniforms. NO uniformity. NO conformity. NO deformity. NO spelling errors. NO putting-hyphens-where-they-don�t-belong. NO double parking. NO double dating. NO double dutching. NO biting. NO kicking. NO scratching. NO hitting below the belt. NO scratching below the belt. NO biting below the belt. NO chimes. NO mimes. NO limes. NO rhymes. NO larrigans. NO looking up �larrigan� in the dictionary. NO feeling superior because you know the meaning of the word larrigan. NO looking for other references of larrigans in these rules. NO random humor. NO fish. NO V-necks. NO turtle necks. NO mock turtle necks. NO red necks. NO osmosis. NO moving a liquid from an area of high concentrate to an area of low concentrate through a semi-permeable membrane. NO repetition. NO repetition. NO escribiendo en Espanol. NO leaving sentences unfinishe NO sentences with thirty one letters. NO writing words sdrawkcab. NO mixing one egg and a cup of milk and baking for one and a half hours. NO hand counting. NO talking with your mouth full. NO putting on your pants two legs at a time. NO conversing with communists. NO conversing with socialists. NO conversations of absurdist movements in modern art. NO skipping. NO jumping. NO running. NO attempts to do the �running man�. NO splashing middle-aged bakers standing by puddles situated at the edge of the road. NO making up words. NO fluboudicaud. NO dressing like Ulysses S. Grant. NO dressing up like and member of the House of Representatives. NO bonfires before five o�clock. NO tearing tags off mattresses. NO driving to Des Moines. NO pretending you are in France. NO referring to �pants� as �trousers.� NO wearing oil-tanned moccasins, like Josh Hanger, that often reach the knee, and calling them larrigans. NO more searching for ways to use archaic words. NO checkered shirts. NO lederhosen. NO shampoo. NO scrambled eggs. NO dangling particles. |