I was so thrilled when Joshua was born but then I was devestated to learn how sick he was. I had never heard of TAPVR. I went to Minnesota to be by his side. All the way there, I prayed that God would take me and let him live. He had just come from surgery and was hooked to dozen of machines and his chest was open. I got to touch his tiny hand and tell him I loved him but never had the chance to hold him in my arms.
I had to return to Kentucky for surgery and planned on going straight back to be by his side. Instead I ended up on life support myself. When I finally awoke, I prayed every day to let him get better and take me instead. For a while I thought he was going to make it, but I guess it wasn't in God's plan. It has been a year since his death and I still grieve and I miss him more than I can say. How do mother's make it when they lose a child? I saw the strength and hope of all those mothers with sick babies and how they went on after their loss. They are amazing. I only wish I could find a way to get past it. I still cry every day and I can't look at baby clothes for little boys or hear a sad song withouth crying. Joshua, you are always in my Heart and my thoughts. I have a favorite song which to me will always be Joshua's song. It was the only thing I could give him when he died. I hope someday to visit his grave and play it for him. (To Where You Are by Josh Groban)
God bless all you families who have sick children and may you have the strength to endure. Please think of these babies and donate to Heart Research. Maybe with enough time and prayer, more of these babies will live a full and happy life.
God did bless me with a beautiful Great Grandaughter on May 25, 2005. Her name is Heaven. |
