| THE LAWS OF ANIME |
| #1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity The normal laws of physics do not apply. #2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation. Whnever somone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. #3 - Law of Sonic Amplification. First Law of Anime Acoustics In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way. #4 - Law of Constant Thrust. First Law of Anime Motion In space constant thrust equals constant velocity. #5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility. Second Law of Anime Motion The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it movers. Armored mecha are fastest objects known to human science. #6 - Law of Temporal Varibility Time is not constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he dose something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight. #7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality. 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one or two ways. Either so quik they don't even see it coming, Or it's a long drwn out affair where the character gains much inshight to working of society, human existance or why the toast always lands butter side down. #8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality. It takes some time for bad guys to die...regardless of phisical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quikly they didn't even see it comming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the reality Lobe of the brain. #9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis. Secnes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color. (ussaly red or white). #10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad guys' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles. #11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility. Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary-Anithing that explodes bulges first. Secon Corollary-Large cities are the most explosive substance known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City". #12 - Law of Phlogistactic Emission. Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. #13 - Law of Energetic Emission. There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as energy 'bulge') before mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive quilities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility. #14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude. This destructive potencial of a weapon is inversely prortinal to its size. #15 - Law of Inexhaustibility. No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cournered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconsious. #16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy. The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increses. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guy' when operating a fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Exaple: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehical will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. first Corolarry-The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or bo any real damage Second Corollary-Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary- Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actullay hit by enemy fire, it is in a desegnated 'Good Guy Area' ussaly a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, wich restrics the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. #17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unrliability. Minmei is a bimbo. (Note:The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff need to get out more.) #18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity. The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood. Sometimes more. #19 - Law of Demonic Consisency. Demons snd other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to yellow-green or brown but black is not unknown and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. #20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability. Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant exaple of a caring/loving emotion or a song. #21 - Law of Tactical Unralibility. Tactical genisuises aren't.... #22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability. People never notice the little things...Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle. #23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality. Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying #24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism. The realy nasty 'Bad Guys' are always skinny Americans. #25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Infreriority. The stupid 'Good Guys' are always big Americans. First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect) Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors. #26 - Law of Mandibular Proporitionality. The size of a persons mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaky. #27 - Law of Feline Mutation. Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1)be female 2)will posses ears and sometimes a tail as genetic mutation 3)wear as little clothing as possible, if anything. #28 - Law of Converation of Firepower Any powerful weapon on capable of destroying/defeating an oppenent in a single shot will invaribly reserved and only used as a last resorte. #29 - Law of Technological User-Benevolance. The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity. #30 - Law of Melee Luminescene. Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts powers and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usaley blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys' . This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectum than evil. #31 - Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism. All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and ussally hell-bent ondestroying humanity for some obscure reason. |