Can we understand?
Can we understand why or how they know they are gay?
    Not normally, unless you are gay, too. You can only understand why your friends do things or are the way they are to a certain extent anyway.  Because gayness is such a mortifying topic in our society, we treat it as an illness we can kill by understanding it in order to cure it.  Can a gay person understand why we are attracted to those of the opposite sex?
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