"I love fall; it's my favorite month." ~Vince
"This girl went down on me and it was the worst head I've ever gotten. I just kept telling myself it was the thought, not the act, that counted." ~Ryan
"Damn! She's like a box of Crayola's... you have 64 different choices of what you want to use to 'color'." ~Matt
"You've never seen a porn, but you've made a porn? Dude, that's fucked up!" ~Vince
Ty: "Guys, if I die of anthrax, you have my condolences on my loss."
Katie: "What?"
"So did the Grimm Brothers "collect" Hansel and Gretal?" ~Sean after being told that the Brothers Grimm didn't actally write the fairytales
"If you do poorly on your finals kick the prof in the nuts. No one believes me, but I'm telling you - by the 5th kick, you're guaranteed an A" ~Mike
Katie: "We'll hang out while they're at lab."
Kelly: "But... we don't... go to lab..."
Brooke: "No shit, retard! That's why we can hang out together!!"
"I could be her better than she could be herself." ~Taylor, comparing her dancing skills to those of Britney Spears.
Cameron: "One time I almost choked on a peanut."
Jill: "Oh yeah? One time I almost choked on a cock."
"Alright, alright. I take it back - Unfuck you!" ~Katie
Mellie: "Is that cat dead?"
Lexi: "No, it's sleeping by the side of the road."
Mellie: "Stupid cat."
Lexi: "Stupid girl."
"I'll tell you one thing, that dog will never be a Lassie." ~Nate, in reference to Con
"Whenever one of your friends knows penis sizes of multiple boys on campus, you know it's time to get new friends. Now I'm not talking 3 or 4; I'm talking 30 or 40." ~Lexi
"Do we need passports to go to Cancun?" ~Brooke
"There should be a warning on duct tape, something like 'Do not put this on your boobs'. Boobs are not made to face the wrath of duct tape. They aren't meant to withstand such torture." ~Katie
"Katie, we'll give you 200 bucks to make out with Meaghan." ~Brandon
Jill: "SHIT! I just broke Alyssa's sex shot glass! What should I do!"
Katie: "Want me to get the duck tape?"
Jill: "I can't duck this, Katie! Seriously, what don't you use duck tape for?"
Katie: "I don't use it on my boobs..."
Jill: "You have a problem."
Amber: "I could fit a small Ethiopian child into these pants.
Kelly: "You'd enjoy that too much."
"Are you wearing your easy pants again?" ~Vince
Ariana: "Enjoy your dead, bloody cow."
Vince: "Enjoy your anthraxed leaves."
"If you can't duck it, fuck it. Actually, you know what? If you can't fuck it, duck it..." ~Katie
"You fucking bitch-faced cunt! Yeah, that's right - I called you a cunt!" ~Paul talking to the animated Tony Hawk
"I wouldn't let just anyone drive my car, just like I wouldn't let just anyone suck my dick. Wait, bad analogy..." ~Vince
Katie: "Ariana, stop reading your econ... you're making me nervous. I'm still back on Chapter 5."
Ariana: "Oh... that sucks, doesn't it?"
*FYI, the rest of the class is on Chapter 19
Alex: "I'm telling you - all college girls are just too easy."
Vince: "Dude, that's a song!"
"Alright, who took a picture of their boobs with my mom's camera? That was so stupid! I mean, damn, I never even got to see the picture and I love titties." ~Paul
On that note: "I love tatas." ~RJ (Roommate Josh)
"Listen you little Mexican bastard - I'm taller than you, prettier than you, and I would never consider dating you." ~Shay, in response to a five-foot Puerto Rican repeatedly hitting on her.
"But I just want what I want..." ~Jeremy
"I just strapped on a dildo and raped my exams in the ass!" ~Julie
"He's doing something constructive! Let's beat him up!" ~Vince
"Why don't I have testes!" ~Kayla's outburst during fetal pig dissection in our anatomy lab
"Well, it's kind of hard not to hit them because they're always in the way!! And Katie, don't you laugh." ~Michelle, referring to Taylor's boobs and inadvertantly mine as well
"You are one annoying little bastard. If I give you a nickel will you go away?" ~Jill
"Oh my God... you did not just say that? How much of a bitch can you be?!" ~Ian, in reference to one of Katie's many bitchy comments.
Bryan: "I have a midget who sexually pleasures me while I sleep."
Cody: "Nah, man... that's just your hand."
Jill: "It's such a waste to see person like him. I mean, yeah, he's hot, but he's so mean and ... stupid... and--"
Drew: "But would you fuck him, Jill?"
Jill: "HELL YES!"
"Chlamidighonosyphyluherpaids." ~Wendy
"Alright... Number one: Don't have sex when your roommate is in the room and number two: don't fuck your roommate's significant other. That's all you need to know." ~RA Nate giving the new freshmen his intro speech
"Do I look like a fucking people person?" ~Erik
Katie: "Um... wasn't that just a stop sign?"
Nate: "Yeah."
Katie: "Just checkin'."
Vince: "Do you think I would get more pussy if I were Mexican instead of Californian?"
Ariana: "Do you think I would get more cock if I had a penis?"
"Smile Katie. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips." ~John
"Hey Julie, can I pet your pussy?" ~Christian
Kristy: "Damn you are horny... Vince, do you just wanna have sex right now?"
Vince: "Yes. Yes, I do."
Kristy: "I'll give you and your hand a little privacy."
"I wish I could suck my own dick. I bet would give myself some really good head." ~Bryan
"Wow, this dress really compliments my ass." ~Malcolm
"I hear you like pierced tongues. I'm thinking about going to get mine done... You wanna make out?" ~Freshman Ryan's attempt at soliciting once he found out Katie's fetish for guys with pierced tongues
"Oh shit, was that a cop?" ~Nate, a few seconds before getting us arrested
"Oh shit, do you think he'll know that I'm completely shit-faced?" ~Aaron, a few seconds before getting arrested for underage
"Why does everybody hate New Jersey!?" ~Lexi
"I'm writing a paper about crabs alright! Please just leave me alone!" ~Kayla
"It's so unfair that she holds being Jeremy's brother again me. It's not my fault!" ~Hot Andrew
Alyssa: "You know how all hot guys are good in bed and you know how all gay guys are really hot? Well then... how does that make them in bed?"
Jill: "I don't know, ask Katie."
"My friends are all alcoholics... y'all know that, right?" ~Mellie
"Masterbating isn't a crime; it's wicked fun and you know girls do it too." ~Tyler
"I want my boobs to drown so Sam can give them mouth-to-mouth." ~Taylor
"Yeah, Vince and I have butt-sex all the time... it's not as bad as it sounds actually." ~Cody
Shay: "I need someone sober who can drive a stick well."
Nate: "Damn, find Katie... I don't know about the sober part, but damn, can that girl drive a stick."
"Roadtrip to Legoland! We can stay at my house!" ~Vince
"They say that people in Florida really don't care about what happened in New York. Fuck them! I'm a Florida girl from New Jersey - I care!" ~Lexi
Hot Andrew: "Cody, are you gay?"
Cody: "Yes I am and you're pretty cute. You wanna fuck?"
Taylor: "Why does Cody have such homosexual outbursts? I don't think you're giving your boyfriend what he needs."
Amber: "He's just very comfortable with his sexuality, but... I wonder if he pictures a guy while we're having sex..."
"I love my fuck buddy... for me it's so much more than just sex. She's the best!" ~Vince
"Look! They're building a cage for their kids!" ~Caroline
"I'm so hot that gay guys hit on me." ~Jeremy
"Katie corrupted my younger brother and I'm so jealous... she's never tied me to the bed!" ~Erik
"Don't FUCK with me today furniture!!" ~Cameron
"Well at least I'm not from planet 'Look at me! Look at me!' Bitch." ~Nikki
A pulsating, juicy, thick, throbbing, RAW... steak on the grill... or the steak in my pants." ~Cody
"I would have found this sexier if you had just jumped naked out of a cake instead of smearing it on all over your body. That would have been an awesome birthday present." ~Vince
"I would pay to see this household of ladies naked... big bucks." ~Nate, talking about The Vault
"She just needs laid. That would loosen her up... literally." ~Kelly
"Katie's bed is the place to be... I know from personal experience." ~Vince
"I'll be the one getting the freshman pussy because I'll be able to buy them alcohol in a few months. Chicks dig that." ~Devin, the 20 year old freshman
"Do they have AA meeting for substances other than alcohol because I think I'm addicted to Ny-Quil." ~Keith
"No, you are NOT eating my Fruity Pepples. YOU BASTARD!" ~Taylor
"I think I'm going to train him to be a crotch attack dog. I mean, can you imagine a guy saying 'A pug bit off my dick?' That's too funny." ~Jill planning ahead for Connor's future
"So... you wanna make out?" ~Katie soliciting sex acts to Andrew, who is so hot and unfortunately gay
Money good! Monkeys good! Jeeps good! Batman good. BEER VERY GOOD!" ~Cody
"Boy would I love to sail my ship into your harbor... Harbor." ~Jason
"I'm older, I'm wiser, and I buy you underage fuckers your booze." ~Nate
"I just ate two thirds a bag of baby carrots... I'm going to poo orange tomorrow!" ~Vince
"God Katie, it's times like this that I realize deep down inside... we really are girls... deep down inside our pants at least." ~Jen
"Yeah, you are quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl... You know, I wish I could say that I thought that up myself, but that's Everclear dog." ~Brandon
"I'm not judgmental... you're dumb." ~ Jessi
"I'm going to drink until my blood-alcohol level is so severe, my dick has no choice but to find an unsuspecting woman and make her crotch bleed during attack SIMPLY to consume non-alcoholic blood for sustenance." ~ Rob
"Ah Ami, don't cry. He's not worth your tears. Ah, sweetie... if I were a lesbian I would do you." ~Jill [unsuccessfully] consoling a just dumped Ami
"I'll try everything once, however, I will not do anything with heroin and I'll never have butt sex." ~Ariana
"Oh baby, you are P. Diddy-licious." ~Kayla once again hitting on Derrik
"Katie, you're a fucking ATM! Get the hell over it." ~Taylor
"You keep saying that fall is your favorite month, but the problem is you're from California, going to school in Florida... So I have a question for you Vince -- do you even know what fall IS?!" ~Lexi
Kelly: "Can a girl actually give BAD head? You just suck; it's all the same."
Ryan: "It's definitely not all the same and believe me, YES a girl can give bad head. A girl can give VERY BAD head."
"So I saw you and Brooke in the Wal*Mart parking lot and I got so excited trying to honk at you I ran over the curb... Scott yelled at me." ~Liz
Kelly: "Hey Amber, I got the finger from your boyfriend yesterday."
Amber: "Why? What did you do?"
Jill: "Wait, she just said she got the finger from your boyfriend and you don't even care. Damn, if you don't care I want to get fingered by Cody."
Janell: "Don't worry, I won't ever hit you."
Nate: "That's good, 'cause if we got in a fight I could beat the crap out of you."
"There are two things I do really well and sucking dick ain't one of them." ~ Josh RJ Williams
"Breasts are at the top of my list of all-time favorite things. I'm thinking of changing it to Katie's breasts, but until then..." ~ RJ
"It's not your fault that you guys were born." ~Brooke, claiming she was talking about Keri and Katie being born two consecutive days
"I give up; you've argued me stupid." ~Brandon
Vince: "That's my motto - Always be prepared."
Brandon: "No... that's the motto of the boy scouts."
Vince: "Ya know what? Don't even mention those little motto-stealing bastards around me."
Katie: "So I had to renew all my lifeguarding stuff and I put a piece of duct tape on my boob to keep people from staring at my pierced nip through my suit."
Jill: "Congratulations, you finally used it on your boobs..."
"You can always retake a class, but you can NOT retake a party..." ~Jill
"Yeah, I eat... Drop those panties! Those are my girlfriends!" ~ Cody
Keri: "Meeting you guys was the best thing that has ever happened to me..."
Liz: "Yeah, umm... meeting you guys for me was like --"
Keri: "Stop, I'm not done yet!! HOLD ON I HAVE TO TAKE THIS SHOT! *takes shot* I love you guys, and it'll only get better between us!"
"My butt is my property!" ~Vince
Ami (who gave up swearing for Lent): 1. "I am a sexy ass bitch." 2. "He is one sexy bastard." 3. "Oh, fuck you." 4. "Nah, fuck is a verb, dumbass." 5. "What the hell are you talking about?" 6. "Listen bitch... damnit!"
Katie: "Dude, you just went down eight pegs on the Lental Totem Pole."
"Food and sex are two of my all-time favorite things... why not combine the two?" ~Vince
"I can't believe you don't know the number one man rule on the universe! Do NOT fight or wrestle a naked man unless you are in prison!" ~Bryan
Cody: "If I woke up and saw some tall, furry guy standing in my doorway, that's when I'd start shooting."
Vince: "But what if it were a muppet!?"
Alyssa: "Today's the 28th right?"
Katie: "No sweetie, today's the 27th."
Alyssa with a confused look, "But I thought yesterday was the 25th...?"
Ian: "Jay! Are you drunk again?"
Jay: "No, I'm just exhausted cause I been up all night drinkin'."
Jill (when asked about lesbian sex): "I don't know how that works really... I guess it's just all fingers and licking."
Andrew: "So kinda like KFC, huh?"
"You know, I can really relate to this song." ~Keith, talking about I Will Survive
"Oh my God! Would you two just screw and get it over with already? There's just way too much sexual tension here." ~ Jill talking to Alyssa and Tim
"Now that's what I like to see!" ~ Vince, after two guys hug in a movie
"You're like a little kid who's retarded" ~ Ariana
"I'm a business major -- I can figure it out." ~ Stefan
"You can't speak English." ~ Jill
"NO. But I can calculate the torque like you wouldn't believe. That shit is my bitch." ~ Stefan
"I don't want it in my stomach; I just want it in my mouth!" ~ Ariana
"You know those boys who are attractive before they go to college and then they get fat and turn ugly? I hope to God that's not me." ~ Hot Andrew
Michelle: "What the hell are you good for girl?"
Alyssa: "Why don't you ask Tim?"
"I can only stand so much idiocity in my life. *pause* Get out, Matt." ~ Michelle
Jill: "I think that whole pregnancy, labor thing is a crock of shit."
Alyssa: "But you wanna have kids, don't you?"
Jill: "But can't I have them ready-made?"
Nate: "It sounds like you're talking about food, Jill."
Katie: "Hey, there's nothing wrong with pre-made, pre-packaged, and pre-popped kids. I'm all for that. Do you actually think I'm squeezing something the size of a kid out of my coot?"
My 80-year-old Econ prof: "I won't be holding office hours this afternoon; I have a medical appointment."
Katie: "What? Is he being dated?"
Ian: "Get the bunny away from me or I'm going to drop it. I don't like little crawly nail things."
Keri: "Ian, are you afraid of bunnies?"
"AAAAHHHH--PADIDDLE! I WIN! Take off your clothes!" ~ Ian
"I like clowns." ~ Ian, who happens to be terrified of clowns (much like me)
"Do I have to take my shirt off for this?" ~ Michelle
Ami: "Will someone please trade seats with me?"
Kendell, harsh and offended: "What? Do you have a problem with me?"
"I never see you because you're always on the other side of the field. Well, except when you switch at the half." ~ Katie F.
Kendell: "He has nice hair and he dresses really nice."
John: "He's 71-years-old! But hey, do you want me to hook up you with him?"
Michelle: "Matthew! She's so hot! She looks like Cameron Diaz! How can you not be attracted to her!?"
Matt: "No hips, no tits, no deal."
"The basis of my screen name is the simple fact that Iowa has lots of corn and Iowa sucks." ~ Curtis
"I'll show you a vacation package." ~ Brandon
"Penises aside, I still think boys are gross." ~ Jill
kajebab: just out of curiousity, where did you come up with that address?
cornstalks suck: well, when i fucked her, she didn't move. she was like a rag doll.... but who the hell wants [email protected] as an email address?
Katie: "Do you think standing this close to the microwave will give my future children mental and/or physical retardation?"
Ariana: "I think having you as a mother will give your future children mental and/or physical retardation."
"You know, she should just shut-up and...um...ya know...um...not do all that not talking shit." ~ Lexi
Michelle: "Ah... I'm not that drunk. I know that you're wearing the shorts that you wore when we went camping today..."
Katie: "Yeah... camping. Are you going to puke?"
Alyssa: "What's the word I'm looking for?
Jill: "Arbitrary?"
Alyssa: "Yeah! Nice work. You're like a... a thingie."
Jill: "Thesaurus?"
Alyssa: "Yeah."
"Moral rhymes with oral." ~John
"Well, Dr. MacFarland, I've never been in this position before, but I'm willing to try a new one with you." ~Keri, dressed a She-Ra costume, beer in hand.
Ariana: "I'm about ready to go change into some dry clothes."
Katie: "Not me... I want to sit here and chafe."
"I'm cold. My nipples are hard." ~Alyssa, undressing and drunk
Vince:"My dad is hot! He's got the biggest..."
Katie: "...belt buckle?"
*Michelle and Erin kiss*
Erin: "I feel so close to you right now."
John: "Well you should... or else it wouldn't have been meaningful."
"Let's watch it again just to listen to Katie whimper. It's kind of like killing puppies in front of her." ~Ariana
