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The first picture was taken a couple of weeks before the accident. Just another random day of hanging out at his house. For a reason that is quite clear to me, his house was always my favorite place to be. His parents loved me and it was always such a warm environment to be in. It was a place with a perfect house and a perfect family and a perfect atmosphere and there was always entertainment in the form of Nick. Nick could make something as simple as chilling in his backyard amazingly fun. He just had that kind of personality.
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The boy with the crooked smile and the amazing dimples. Nick was always the gentleman and he was always the one who could make me smile when I was feeling down. He never judged me for what I did and the way I was. He never asked for anything from me, which to me is a sign of a true friend. He never tried to be anyone other than himself. Every year that goes by I miss the person he was more and more.
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Because I met Nick at such a difficult time in my life I viewed him, more or less, as my lifeline. We would often fall asleep together just because I felt I would have to have him near me just to salvage my sanity. I trusted him more than I thought was possible. I don't think he ever knew how much he helped me. He was the hand that guided me through all that was wrong in my life at that point. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him.
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Together Nick and I were the perfect pair. We had the kind of friendship that made anything possible. I loved this boy, though it was only as a much needed and much appreciated friend. I often wonder what would have become of us if only... The two of us even had our own personal hand sign for "I love you". We were always flashing "hang loose" to each other. That is why to anyone else this picture would just be considered normal, but I cherish it.
I'm not sure if Nick ever knew exactly how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. I can only hope that he had an idea of the extent to which I needed him. On his casket I laid a single white rose because white represents purity and that's what our friendship was. I've never had a friendship that stayed entirely pure. No matter how hard I try, my friendships with guys always cross the line between friendship and lovers. Just recently, things have come into perspective for me. Something has made me change for the better and my views are now completely different as well. Now, I believe in a greater being of some sort and I believe that someone or something has been watching over me these past few years. Whatever that thing is has kept me safe and unscathed in many situations where I should be dead. I have this silly little fantasy of that someone being Nick. I hope beyond hope that is the case. If Nick is looking down on me, I can only pray that with all I have done which I know is wrong, that it hasn't changed his opinion of me. And I realize now that the one thing that will give me the motivation to be the person I want to be will be the thought of Nick and the memory of who he told me I was. I honestly do believe the world lost one of the greatest people alive on the day that Nicholas Carney was taken away.
