HOW MANY DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
Charismatics:
-Only one. Hands are already in the air...
Pentecostals:
-Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians:
-None. Lights will go on and off at pre-destined times.
Roman Catholic:
-None. Candles only.
Baptists:
-At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the fried chicken, potato salad, and iced tea.
Episcopalians:
-Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
Mormons:
-Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians:
-We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited
to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists:
-Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene:
-Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans:
-None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish:
-What's a light bulb?
Clarinets:
-Only one, but they'll go through a whole box of light bulbs before finding the perfect one.
Saxophones:
-Five. One to change the light bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanbourn would have done it.
Trumpets:
-Five. One to change the bulb and four to say how much better they could have done it.
-Only one - he need only hold the bulb and let the world revolve aroung him...
Trombones:
-Only one, but they'll spend an hour trying to figure out what position to be in
-Three. One to change the bulb and two to make obscene sexual references to it
-Only one, but he'll do it too loudly.
French Horns:
-Only one, but first he'll spend an hour checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Tubas:
-Three. One to change the bulb, and two to drink 'till the room spins.