Dear family/friends:

悼愛犬-- Memoirs of Nono's Last Days

Our beloved Nono passed away on 10/31 9:25 a.m. It was a very quick and peaceful death. She picked perfect timing. As I was out of town for 2 days prior to that Sunday, she waited for me to have her last supper (chicken from chicken soup made by Jenhui), some egg yolk and pork I brought back for her. I soaked her feet that night, used oil on her swollen knuckle and spine. I held her the whole evening, especially practicing our choir song "white lu se bird" (the egret) over and over (I hope she liked it).

Sunday was a lovely sunny day, I took off her clothing and put her in her regular chair for sun bathing, of course massaging her with oil again. Jenhui took a few photos. She did not want to eat, I tried and tried. I gave her medicine (for pain and infection) through syringe and cleaned her eyes and thanked her for being so cooperative. At 9:20, she stood up on the chair and peed. I held her to the kitchen newspaper area for her to pee. She sniffled around and had a few sips of water from her plate. I saw her breathing was not easy, so I held her up. As I was walking out she turned her head and I thought she wanted to pee again. I took her back and held her down, she was so weak and just that moment, fell slowly to the floor. Just in that second her breathing seemed to have stopped. I quickly held her up again and called out Jenhui. She had 3 sighs and died in my arms. I started citing "Holy Mother" and "Holy Father".

We drove her to have the cremation done. The autumn sun was guiding us all the way. We waited for her bones/ashes. Her skull, leg bones were all so complete. Now it is in an ash form in an envelope sitting on her chair with her towel, pillow, and clothing. We will wait for a time to bury her under our bonsai and trees downstairs where she gave her daily contribution.

Flora was up Monday night, crying about a dream of Nono. We talked a lot and shared our sweet memories of her. I thanked Flora for being such a big help during Nono's sick days. I have so ignored Flora and just trusted that she is a capable youngster to manage her busy last year in middle school. I also thank Jenhui for being so attentive and has shared a lot of caring responsibilities. He never liked dogs, was frightened by dogs when very little. Yet, he washes Nono's blanket, soiled sofa cushion, ..............takes her for early a.m. walk, gives healthy fruit breakfast. ...........

I cry a lot too. It is such a loss, our home feels so different without Nono. But I am so grateful that she came into our life for a GOOD 8 year and 7 months. It is one of God's best gifts to us. She certainly became an important member in our family. My beloved mom, suffering from mild dementia, remembers to call daily asking about Nono. I truly believe Nono brings out the best in all of us.

She is a very special dog, so gentle and content, so loving and tame. She was too old and could not walk or even lift up her head towards the end. I thank God for supporting her and us through this difficult time. At times, it brought up memories about my beloved father's dying days. I cried and cried. Different vets consoled me in very different ways. I told a young Dr. Lin that if Nono suffered too much, I would not want to selfishly keep her. He said "When animals are loved and cared for, they have no suffering."

Four days before Nono's death, she was up one night and started making circles. I felt she was paying attention to something, answering to something, then her body just kept moving in circles. She went for over 30 rounds and was steady on her feet. I told mom and said Nono must be doing some kind of Kung Fu. Another vet Dr. Tu told me that was Nono's way of preparing herself, of finding her wings. Very comforting indeed.

I know you all have met or loved Nono for whom she was. I am sending you this so you can send your love in remembering her. I also send my love to you all. May God's light shine upon you like it did on Nono and of course always.

love, kaiming

11/4/2004