italics thinking (........^_^) authors notes, meaning me! ^_^
*......* actions
[.....] translations]
Duo burst through the door of the library.
"Quatre!?" Yes..he had forgotten Quatre would be there. Now he didn't know what to do. Seeing Quatre smiling so kindly made his stomach churn. What should he do. The man of his friend's dreams just declared his love for himself. Could he even face Quatre?
Quatre: "Duo? Are you okay?"
Duo: "Iya...Ma..Nandemonai....he he." [No..um..Nothing.]
Quatre: *walks over to Duo* "Are you sure? You look like you just saw a ghost."
Duo: "No. Really...it's nothing." *cheerful mask slips back on* I can't tell him.
Quatre: He doesn't want to tell me. But I have a feeling I know why.
"Ne..Duo. Choto." [hey duo, a moment.] "You don't mind. Heero."
Heero: "Hn." *goes back to typing*
Quatre: "Sa. Duo. Over here."
The two go to a far corner in the library. Duo looking about nervously and Quatre smiling encouragingly.
Quatre: "Okay Duo. It's just you and me now. Tell me. I'm listening."
Duo: "Really Quatre. I'm fine. I just came to check up on you guys. Nothing to worry about. Ha ha."
Quatre: "Since when did checking up on us require you to charge through a door?" *smirks* "Hm hm. I know what this is. You were afraid I would try something on Heero. So desuyo?" [right?]
Duo: *blushes* "Iya. No. Well. NO!. I mean..."
Quatre: "You're babbling."
Duo: *mouth hangs wide open* *looks glum, turns away* "I....don't know what to say to you. Quatre."
Quatre: " Duo. Whatever you have to tell me, I can handle it. I hate it when people try to protect me from something that I can take easily."
Duo: "......" *looks everywhere except at Quatre's eyes.*
Quatre: "...." *lets out a breath, looks sideways* "Trowa say something to you?"
Duo: *looks up alarmed* "!?"
Quatre: Hoh.. Looks like somebody screwed up and forgot who they were. "Yahari ne." [just as suspected]
Duo: "YOU...You knew?" *bewildered look*
Quatre: "I guessed. You would only hesitate if it had something to do with Trowa."
Duo: "Heh. Guess you can read me like a book."
Quatre: "Hai." *smiles* "So what did he say?"
Duo tells him everything that happened since they left the cafeteria. The whole time, Duo was afraid to look into Quatre's eyes. He didn't want to see the hurt that he knew would be there. When he finished, he braced himself for the worst. Crying, sobbing. He knew the news would tear his friend apart. That's why it surprised him when he heard a chuckle. Duo looked up in surprise to find Quatre shaking. Trying hard not to laugh.
Duo: "Oi. Quatre. Are you alright?" Did the news drive him nuts?
Quatre: *wipes a tear from his face* "Ha ha ha. Duo. I'm fine. Really. Ha aha ha."
Duo: "Are you sure?" *bewildered at the blonde arabian's reaction*
Quatre: *takes a deep breath and lets it out. finally able to control himself*
"Oh Duo. You're so sweet. Always thinking of me. Yes I'm fine."
Duo: "Honto?" [really?]
Quatre: "Yes. I should be the one asking you that." Oh Heero. Heero. I was sure Trowa would be the first to screw up. Should I let Duo know? Nah. I don't want to use him, but this fits in perfectly.
"Ne. Duo. Don't you think you over reacted?"
Duo: "OVER REACTED? I think you're UNDER reacting! Quatre. Aren't you and Trowa"
Quatre: "Soh. But he has never told me he loves me or anything like that. But I do know that he cares."
Duo: "But.."
Quatre: "Duo. I know you are worried about my feelings. But please. Get your own in order first."
Duo: "My feelings? What are you taling about?"
Quatre: "Duo. I'm not blind. You like Heero. Don't you. More than just friends. He means alot to you."
Duo: *turning red* "We're not talking about me now! We're talking about..."
Quatre: "We are talking about you Duo." You should thank me Heero. I'm cleaning some of your mess up for you. But it comes at a price. "Trowa knows."
Duo: "He knows. Trowa. The statue."
Quatre: *chuckles* "You make him sound so icy. He's actually very observant and compassionate when he wants to be. And yes. He knows. Do you understand what I'm saying? Understand what he was saying?"
Duo: *brain working overtime* "But but..So...you mean..Uh...." *lightbult* "So HE!?"
Quatre: *nods* "Yes."
Duo: *clutches his head dramatically* "Oh. I feel so stupid. What does he think now? I ran like hell!"
Quatre: "ha ha. Don't worry. He'll understand. I'll talk to him." Oh yes. We will have a talk.
Duo: "Honto? Thanks Quatre. ......... So how long have you known?"
Quatre: "How long have you known about me?"
Duo: "Eh...I don't remember now."
Quatre: "That's cause it doesn't matter. Sa. Lets go."
Duo: "Hm? Where are we going?"
Quatre led Duo back to the computer where Heero was working at. Putting both hands on Duo's shoulders, he practically pushed him over. Duo was so nervous that he froze.
Quatre: "Heero. Trowa.....is having a little problem and needs me. So Duo is going to help you from now on. Okay?"
Heero: "..." Trowa is having problems? You mean Heero. I'm Trowa. Quatre. Don't leave. I..
Quatre: "Sa. Duo. You don't mind helping, do you?" *encouraging smile*
Duo: *cherry red* "No. No problem. Heh heh."
Quatre: "Good. I better go se Trowa now. Ja. Kimidachi. *hardens voice* Have fun Heero." [bye guys]
~Roof~
For some reason, Trowa was still on the roof. Quatre found him there frozen, as Duo said, like a statue. Quatre stood at the door to the stairs. He didn't want to disturb Trowa, or rather Heero's thoughts just yet. He wanted to give Heero a chance to scramble his brains for a solution to the problem. Also, he had to think of what to say to Heero too. So Quatre just stood there.
Heero was thinking of ways he can self-destruct. No matter which way he looked at it, there was no way he could kill himself and not kill Trowa's body too. This posed a huge problem. He was expendable. Had always been. Anytime there was a need, Heero Yuy could kill himself. For the colonies, to keep Gundam a secret. But now, he couldn't kill himself. If he did, he would be taking an innocent with him. Someone that another loved.
Heero kept thinking, and Quatre kept waiting. But everybody's patience has a limit, and Quatre reached his.
Quatre: "You look troubled."
Trowa whipped around for the second time in the day. His face showed shock. There was something different about the Quatre that stood before him. He was leaning against the door with his arms crossed infront of his chest looking very stoic. Almost intimidating.
Trowa: "Quatre." ....... "What are you doing here."
Quatre: "I came to see you. But I see that I'm not welcome." *accusing glare*
Trowa: This is Quatre you're talking to. And you're suppose to be Trowa. So ACT LIKE HIM!
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It's just that....I. Weren't you suppose to be working with..... Tro..Heero?"
Quatre: "I was." *unfolds arms and looks at Trowa* "But then Duo burst in quite....disturbed." *glares at Trowa* "Care to explain?"
Trowa: "I." "No. I can't explain."
Quatre: "Are you trying to say you had nothing to do with his...state? Or that you don't want to bother talking to me about it!" *death glare to match Heero's*
Trowa: "Glaring at me won't change anything." Damn. That sounded mean.
Quatre: "What's the matter TROWA!? Afraid to take responsibility for your actions? Or do I mean soo much to you that you can't tell me?" *walks over to stand nose to nose, well slightly off due to height*
Trowa: "What do you want from me."
Quatre: "You're getting better Trowa. A statement instead of a question. Nice to know that this is how you treat your significant others. But then, maybe I've mistaken!" *eyes blaze with fury*
Trowa: He's really pissed off. Oh no. What did Duo tell him? No matter. He would be telling the truth. It makes sense that Quatre is mad. But how can I explain it to him so that he'll understand without blowing our cover. "Yes. You have mistaken. Quatre."
Quatre: Here it comes. What will you say Heero. Tell the truth? Or will you admit your love for Duo to my face? ":Have I!? Then tell me what it is that I have mistaken!"
Trowa: *looks into Quatre's eyes* What can I say without hurting you. I need you to stay away for now but I know Trowa would not want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. But I have to tell the truth.
"Quatre. You. You don't...love me. I'm not the one you want. Do you understand?" Please understand.
The two froze, like time stood still. The only thing disturbing the moment was the wind. They looked into each others eyes for what seemed like forever. The tension building with each second. Then...then...tears fell from Quatre's eyes.
The sight would clench anyones heart. But it stabbed deep into Heero. The blonde's face never changed. Anger still etched into his beautiful features. So when the tears started to role, Heero knew that they were sprung from deep within.
Trowa's arm reached out automatically to touch Quatre. It was slapped away. His hand stung from the blow. Quatre was stronger than he looked. He had now turned his head so that he was no longer looking at Heero. The tears hadn't stopped.
"I understand perfectly."
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And Quatre ran. He ran down the stairs. Through the halls. Back to the dorm. His heart beated a hundred miles a minute. Baka! Baka! BAKA!!! His eyes stung, but his heart stung more. Quatre didn't even bother to wipe his tears as he ran. He didn't want to admit that he was crying. Didn't want to admit that he was weak. Quatre no baka! I know he's not Trowa. It's Heero. And Heero loves Duo. He finally admitted it. I should be happy for him. For them! But...
Quatre kept running and running. And when he rounded the corner......he ran right into Wufei.
Wufei was practically bulldozed to the floor. The landed with a "Humph" . All the air knocked out of him. When he finally got his wind back, he lifted his head to find Quatre's shaking form sprawled on top of him.
Wufei: "Quatre?" *sitting up and pulling Quatre up also* "What happened! What's wrong?"
"........"
Quatre didn't answer him. He couldn't answer him. He could hardly breathe. Wufei watched as the boy he held onto, who had been fine a few hours ago, gasp for air as he sobbed. All that came from him were whimpers as he cried. Wufei didn't know what to do, so he just held him.
Quatre's mind raced like his heart. I knew it wasn't him. I knew! I thought I could handle it. I know for god's sake. I know Trowa cares for me. I know! I do. But..I never thought.... I never thought that it would hurt so much. I prepared. Imagined it. But never....NEVER. I never thought it would hurt so much to hear it from his lips. His voice. Eventhough it wasn't him who was saying it. It still hurts. BAKA!! BAKA!!!
Time passed. Minutes? Hours? Neither of them knew. But once the gate was opened, the flood couldn't be stopped and Quatre let out all the frustration, pain, confusion, all the emotions he had pent up since Trowa and Heero came back from their mission.
Wufei: "Quatre. Come on. Let's get out of this hallway."
Wufei led him back to his dorm room. He didn't have a roommate so it was a good private place. He sat Quatre on the bed and got him a cup of water. Quatre wouldn't drink. This frustrated him but he knew he must have patience. Quatre needed his strength right now and he was not going to let him down.
Wufei: "Quatre. Tell me what happened." Eventhough I have a pretty good idea.
Quatre: "......" *shakes his head* *curls up in a ball*
Wufei: "Quatre. Sometimes, it's better to tell someone when it hurts. You do it all the time. Try to help others when they are in pain. You open up your heart to them and give all of yourself. Let someone do the same for you. Open your heart to me."
Both were amazed by what had just come out of the Chinese pilot's mouth. Wufei didn't even know he had it in him.
Quatre: "Wufei." *hides his face as he hugs his knees* "I....I'm weak." *sob* "I'm unworthy to pilot Sandrock."
Wufei: *eyes widen in surprise* That sounds familiar. *runs his hand through the other's hair*
"Yes. You are weak now. But you have been strong. And will become stronger."
Quatre: *shakes his head* "No. I'm....worthless." I thought I've become stonger but I was wrong.
Wufei: "No. You are not worthless." Why would he think such a thing? This child of Winner.
Quatre: "Yes. I am. I pilot Sandrock to become stronger. To become a person with pride. To have confidence in myself. To protect those I love. My familiy. But....I can't. I'm not worthy. I can't even... can't even control myself. To stop myself from feeling. Even if I know it's not true. I still feel pain."
Wufei: He's getting hysterical. Why does he feel so useless? "Quatre. It's okay to feel. It's what makes you strong. The pain is proof that you are human and have a heart."
Quatre: " I...I. *pause, looks away*
A while ago, before I met the Manganacs, before I became a gundam pilot. I believed that I was worthless. Nobody loved me. And I didn't love anyone. I was expendable. Replacable. I never knew that ........loving another would be so... To hear that they don't love me back. I never imagined it to be....."
Wufei: NOT LOVE YOU BACK? Trowa! What are you DOING? He does love him back. Why won't he admit it? That...that...idiot! How can he stand to hurt the one he cares so much about? Is he insane?
"Quatre...You know that's not true. Please understand that he does care, very much about you. Maybe he is just unable to express himself. He is very reserved." That BAKA! We need to have a man to man chat.
Quatre: "Wufei. *looks up at him* *smiles* I know. I'm sorry. I knocked you over and didn't even apologize. Gomen ne."
Wufei: *pulls Quatre in a tight hug* "Everything will be fine. Trowa didn't mean to hurt you."
Quatre: "Huh?" *realization hits* Oh right. Wufei doesn't know. "Iiye. Wufei. Trowa didn't do anything."
Wufei: "Nani?" If it wasn't Trowa......What?
Quatre: *gets up* "Gomen. Wufei. Thanks for giving me your shoulder to cry on. I was just frustrated." *eyes gleam, full of life* "You're right. I am stronger than this. I don't need any protection. They do."
Wufei: "They?"
Quatre: *sunny smile* "Soh. This is my revenge. I will see it till the end. Thank you Wufei."
Wufei: "Revenge?" *Quatre opens door to leave* "Matte!" [wait]
Quatre: *turns to Wufei* "Please don't tell anyone what just happened. Wufei. Promise."
Wufei: "If you would tell me what's going on."
Quatre: "You don't need me to tell you. You should be able to figure it out. Wufei. I trust you with this secret. Please honour my trust."
Wufei: "I will honour your trust. But I trust you not to hurt yourself also. Please honour me as well."
Quatre: *sweet smile* "I will. We shall speak again when you know. *zero stare* Matta ne." [later] *leaves*
Wufei pondered for a minute. What is he up to? That last look was...unnerving. But I must find out. It may prove most amusing. But first I must confront Trowa and find out what he did. If he was responsible for hurting Quatre so deeply, then I will not tolerate it. I owe him from the time he let me stay with him at the circus, but if he proves unworthy, then I will repay him the only way I can.
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And Wufei left to find Trowa. It wasn't very hard. He found him running around checking each classroom for something. Hn. He better be looking.
Trowa ran from room to room. Knowing he must find Quatre. He didn't mean it that way. All he wanted was for Quatre to know that the one he loves is Trowa. And that the person standing before him was not the Trowa that he loved so much. Now that he messed up yet another person's life, Heero didn't know what to do. And, at the peak of his confusion, something else just had to come up.
"Trowa. We need to talk."
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