Duo Maxwell and the Radio
Will Duo and the gang ever be freed from
the evil clutches of Radio 3?
Wufei
was bored. He was sat in the living room, channel hopping. He had been sat in
the dining room, trying to eat a baked Alaska and be in the same room as Quatre
and Trowa, but it couldn't be done.
To be fair, thought Wufei, watching them make out and counting
the number of times Quatre got poked in the eye by Trowa's bang was kinda fun.
He suddenly spotted something, but had gone past it.
He backed up, staring. A man with green hair and a large nose was speaking.
'Tired
of being the only sane member of your household?'
You
don't know the half of it thought Wufei miserably.
'Well,
we can't help, so sod off to Sky One, baka!'
Roger
thought Wufei, complying.
*
Quatre
sat up suddenly and pushed Trowa away.
'Sorry
hun, you know I love you, but, Geez, I'm like suffering here...' gasped Quatre,
rubbing at his eyes, which were watering mercilessly, having suffered repeat
attacks by a hairdo that defied Quantum Physics. Trowa looked sad, and stood
up.
'I'm
sorry Quatre,' he mumbled, 'I'm really sorry, Geez, you don't know how sorry I
am...'
He turned to leave but Quatre poked him as he
turned, and gave him a smile.
'Don't
look so down Trowa, you're breaking my space heart here, come on, it's not the
end of the Earthsphere. Come here...'
Trowa smiled and sat back down. Quatre threw
his arms around his neck and whispered...
'You
don't know how sad it makes me to see you sad, how very sad, how very very sad,
how...'
Trowa smiled at his partner.
'You're
a sly one.' he said, moving closer, ' cos you know full well that when you
start rambling on like that, that I'll have to kiss you to shut you up.'
Quatre smiled his irresistible chibi smile.
'Suits
me...'
*
Heero was sat at his laptop. Duo was sat
across the room seeing if he could braid his hair back over the top of his head
to create a realistic looking elephant trunk. Heero's eyes followed Duo as he
stood up and walked to the window, letting his hair fall back across his
shoulders, unbraided. Heero hastily grabbed a packet of tissues from out of
Spandex space and pretended to blow his nose, as he felt a gigantic nosebleed
coming on. Duo turned and looked at him. Heero pretended that Duo wasn't even
in the room as always, and continued tapping at his laptop. Duo suddenly spoke.
'Heero,
is that thing even on?'
'Of
course, you foolish baka!' snarled Heero, quietly switching on the laptop. He'd
acted this way towards Duo for as long as he'd known him, secretly delighting
in his company when he was around, but acting as though if Duo died tomorrow,
then the world would be a better place. No, today.
Heero couldn't stop himself from looking up
as Duo began to re-braid his hair. Suddenly a wave of imagination broke though
his normally well controlled brain, and he saw himself braiding Duo's hair. Duo
smiled and turned to face him.
I understand said the Imaginary Duo, I understand, don't worry
Hee-chan, I'll wait, I can wait...
Heero shook himself and hoped that Duo hadn't
noticed. But Duo had gone, and so had the lead to his laptop.
'DUO!
KISAMA!'
* PART
2
Wufei felt that even if he threw himself off
of the empire state building none of those kisamas would care. Not that it
bothered him. He'd rather have no-one caring about him than those bakas.
Still....
He flicked the channels. There were an awful
lots of channels, he realised, did they get them with the special terrorist's
package from ONDigital? Hmmmmm.....
***
Trowa woke up and went to stretch, but then
stopped as he felt Quatre's weight across him. The little blonde stirred and
opened his eyes.
'What
time is it?' He asked, laying his head back down. Trowa pulled out the arm with
his watch on it. .
'Four
o'clock,' he answered, putting his arm on the side of the chair. Quatre groaned
and slid off onto the floor.
'Time
to eat.' he said, and walked into the kitchen. Trowa followed him.
*
Duo trotted into the lounge with the laptop
lead in hand. He had plans for it. He walked over to Wufei, who was still sat
in his chair, glaring at the pathetic weakling of a TV. He contemplated teasing
him, but then realised how much he enjoyed being alive and changed his mind.
Duo walked nonchalantly into the laundry room
and pushed aside the large basket. Behind it was a small opening in the wall.
It led to the loft. Duo crawled into it and pulled the basket back into place.
*
Heero sat and glared at the blank screen of
his laptop, as if that would make it work. He was stupid to have let his guard
down around Duo, what with his latest habit of stealing strange items from
around the house. The only thing that these items had in common
was...well...nothing, actually. Heero allowed himself a small smile as the
phrase - Shinigami, God of Death, and....Magpies - came into his head.
He was pretty sure that Duo hadn't built
anything out of the things he'd taken, because what could you build with a pair
of socks, some headphones, a bottle of dye (Wufei's), a packet of coffee and
the lead to a laptop?
Heero put the laptop onto the floor and
thought about Duo. He didn't like to admit it to himself, but he'd been doing
it an awful lot lately. He wondered if Duo actually liked him, or whether that
image he'd seen was the result of his long hours piloting the ZERO system,
which, Dr. J had told him, had the same effect on your brain as taking it out
and frying it in Extra Virgin Olive Oil. He frowned. For some reason, it had to
be Extra Virgin...but how did they figure that out? Heero shrugged and began to
slide into depression. So Duo hated him really and truly.
So what?
I don't care
I don't need anyone
You're lying
Huh?
This is the inner Heero speaking
What?
You need someone Heero
No I don't, sod off!
Don't try to deny it Heero...
You're just a figment of....errr....the
ZERO system's imagination!
Oh boy...just listen to me you stupid
baka! If you don't say anything to him, ever, then you'll regret it.
You can't be me, I have no
imagination....or feelings...or emotions.
Up yours then, I'm off to speak to
someone who may just listen...
*
Heero stared blankly out of the window. He
had just had a conversation, no, an argument, with himself, and he'd lost. No,
he was losing it. He wondered if it was possible to remove that goddamn system
from Wing Zero, and replace it with...err...a radio? He fell back onto his bed
and groaned. He had to have a mission. Without a mission to pursue he was
so...to put it all into one word, bored.
*
Duo walked out of the laundry room and closed
the door quietly. He hung his head, he'd failed. In the loft, there was a
radio. Duo was very interested in it. Unfortunately, upon turning it on, he'd
discovered that it had been tuned to Radio 3, and somebody very evil had then
removed the tuner.
This was the reason that he'd
been...err...acquiring, yes, acquiring random objects from around the house.
He'd stuffed Trowa's socks into it, but this only had the effect of muffling
the cursèd noise. This had, Duo reflected, been an improvement, and he'd
thought that he was definitely making headway into his project. Wufei's dye had
been a disaster. It had had no effect on the station whatsoever, and had made a
big mess. The coffee had stuck to the dye and made an even bigger mess, only
this time it was mocha flavoured. (The mess, that is.)
Duo had been to afraid to touch the radio
with the laptop cable, partly because he was afraid of getting an electric
shock, and also because he'd been feeling guilty about taking it, and this
annoyed him because he didn't understand why. He hadn't felt guilty about
taking anything else.
Why do I feel guilty about stealing
something?
I've done it thousands of times before
What's up with me?
It's because it's Heero's
Who the hell are you?
I'm the inner Heero. That stupid baka
won't listen to me, so I've come to talk to you.
About what?
'About what?! Where the hell are you!' Duo
spun around, but there was no one there. He ran into the lounge.
Calm down Duo
'Calm down? CALM DOWN!!' Duo began to
frantically search the room.
I'm here to tell you things that Heero
never would...
'Daaaaaargh! I don't think I want to know
pal!' yelped Duo.
But you do, don't you Duo?
Dammit, of course I do, I wanna know if
Heero loves me as much as I love him, is that so wrong?
Part3
He stopped searching the room and looked up.
Heero was stood in the doorway, looking at him quizzically.
'Did you lose something Duo?' asked Heero,
walking over to this fish tank. He watched as Duo's Siamese Fighting Fish that
he'd put in there last month devoured the last of Quatre's guppies and burped.
'Umm, Heero?' said Duo, sliding down the wall
and sitting on the floor, cross legged, 'do you ever have, you know, problems,
with, like, voices, ermm, in your head?'
Heero turned and glared at Duo, but instead
of flinching and turning away, Duo's bright eyes bored into his.
'Seriously?'
Come on Heero; tell me, so that I know I'm
not going nuts...
Want me to give him a shock?
NO, no leave him alone, leave him alone...
Good Morning Heero! This is your inner
self speaking!
Heero groaned and banged his head against the
wall.
'Sod off.'
This was barely audible.
'Heero, can you hear him too?' gulped Duo.
'Who? What do you mean too?' Heero
looked at Duo in shocked surprise.
Duo talked really fast.
'IwasjustsathereandallofasuddentherewasthisvoiceanditsaidthatthereasonIfeltbadaboutstealingthelaptopcable
wasbecauseitwasyoursand...eeep!' Duo squeaked
as Heero took a step towards him.
'You felt bad about taking the cable?'
Heero's voice was slightly softer, despite the fact that his expression hadn't
changed.
Duo didn't answer at once, but then said very
quietly, 'Really bad, bad, bad, bad. Duo's bad, very bad'
Tell him Heero
'Huh? Tell me what? Tell me what Heero?' Duo
took his braid into his hand and began to chew on it gently.
'I can't,' whispered Heero, sitting down
heavily in a nearby chair and putting his face in his hands.
You've upset him kisama! thought Duo ferociously
So do something about it, Duo
What can I do?
Come on Duo, think!
Fine, I understand. I'll help him on one
condition.
Condition? I'm listening...
You go away and leave my poor Hee-chan
alone
Duo fought back tears as he looked at Heero,
whose shoulders were drooping.
Ha! You do care about him! My work here
is done!
There was a small hissing noise as the inner
Heero evaporated. Duo trotted over to where Heero was sat in his chair. He put
his hand on Heero's shoulder. Heero jumped.
'Sorry Heero..' said Duo, as he climbed onto
Heero's lap, 'I'm so sorry..' Heero looked at him in surprise. Duo put his
other hand on Heero's head and tangled his fingers in Heero's hair.
'Sorry....for what?' asked Heero. He was
having trouble remembering how to talk with Duo curled up around him.
'For making you wait....such a long time..'
Duo turned to look into Heero's face. There were tears in Heero's eyes.
'Don't cry Hee-chan..' muttered Duo, and
kissed Heero gently, 'it's all right now...'
*
Trowa walked into the lounge and stopped. He
then walked backwards into the kitchen again, almost knocking Quatre over.
Quatre wasn't annoyed, but said quietly, 'Is it Heero and Duo?'
Trowa nodded.
'Well then I guess we'll eat in the Dining
room,' chuckled Quatre, and walked out of the other door of the kitchen.
*
Heero woke up. It was dark. His heart sank.
Just another dream. He fought back tears as he got up out of his bed and padded
over to the window. He opened it and let the cold air pour into the room. He
shuddered and closed the window again and climbed back into his bed, which by
now would be cold.
But it wasn't.
As Heero laid down again another voice said,
' Geez Heero, what is it with you and comfort? Not on speaking terms?'
Heero smiled and went back to sleep.
***
THE
END
AND
THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER
EXCEPT
WUFEI, WHO WAS STILL BORED, AND NEVER FOUND HIS HAIR DYE
THE
EVIL RADIO 3 RADIO OF DOOM WAS FOUND TO HAVE BEEN PLANTED BY THE EVIL NOIN
BUT
IT WASN'T REALLY PLANTED, AND SHE'S NOT REALLY EVIL. IT FELL OUT OF HER
ARIES....
THE
EVIL INNER HEERO WAS ACTUALLY WING HEERO, PRATICING HER MATCHMAKING.
AS
YOU KNOW, SHE WAS SUCCESSFUL, AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER
HAVING ACHEIVING HER LIFETIME'S AMBITION.