You may have seen me on TV during the Maniax/Extreme game. I was the one in the hottub -- had my cigar, along with my mask, snorkel, fins, diver down flag, the whole bit. But where were the babes??? Last time they were there the whole game, I show up and they run like the bar prices tripled. What can I say???
Enough of that though, because finally, the mud is beginning to sling in the XFL. Jesse Ventura's game-long rant on NY Hitmen coach Rusty Tillman was what people have been waiting all month for. The way the Gov had been holding back, I was wondering aloud if foot-in-mouth disease had somehow made it's way to Minnesota. Of course, the media bothering to comment on the Ventura/Tillman rift refer to this as the XFL, in an act of desperation, resorting to wrestling tactics.
Two questions:
What is wrong with that???
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???
We knew from day one that this was going to be a football league run by a wrestling promotion. I hope no one was expecting Jesse Ventura to be John Madden, God forbid. And now, the critics are wondering if the league is going to start fixing the games. Of course not. If the Hitmen made a couple of stupid turnovers in the waning minutes and the Enforcers somehow won 14-13, then maybe we get suspicious. Look at the classic fixed contests of Roller Derby. When the LA T-Birds came from 20 points down to win every week. The T-Birds jammer goes around the track six times while everyone from the other team dropped dead. As I've said before, if the game sucks, sell the sizzle, college ball has survived forever with selling the 'pagentry' that goes along with the game.
As for the Jesse/Rusty 'fued' itself - I don't even consider this a complete work on Ventura's part. I said it in this column last week. Tillman doesn't have a clue, or an ounce of control on that team. NY was just had the good fortune of catching CHI in a windy, muddy deluge with the Enforcers without John Avery and half of it's O-line.
NBC was planning on making ORL/SF its primary game this week, but just so the network can take advantage of the rift, we now get LA/NY. So we get two dumb coaches. Al Luginbill is no bargain neither. Me and Lu go way back, to when he brought the SD State Aztecs to the bottom of the Western Pathetic Conference. It was thrilling seeing Lu job to the Wyomings and Colorado States of the world , giving up 500+ yards and 50+ points every week.
The best news is that Tillman appears ready for Ventura now. In an interview with the Washington Post this week Rusty said, "I'm going to fix them this week. I'm gonna go on there and talk about Jesse, all the [league] suits, the TV suits, too. I told them when I signed on to coach this team, I'm not going to do this WWF garbage. First of all, that whole gutless business (Ventura called him gutless for kicking a FG on fourth and goal from the 1) on and after the game was manufactured by them to get me going. Jesse's been on my butt since Day One. I know what that's about." Rust went on to rip Ventura and Brian Bosworth, who did the Hitmen's previous game on UPN, and said the commentators are so bad that viewers be inclined to turn the sound down and listen to the game on radio 'if it is on radio'.
I have my suggestions for Rust getting even, they include--
- When Rogan comes up to him during a game with "Jesse just called you a stupid moron, what about it???", tell Jess that at least his team comes to the Meadowlands better prepared than a certain NFL team in the Conference Championship.
- When Jesse ventures on the field at games end, hire one of Uncle Vinny's boys to punk him out. I saw Brooklyn's own TAZZ on the pay-per-view with JR the other night. He has aspirations for a career in sports entertainment commentary, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind doing the XFL with Ross the rest of the year. So theres a perfect angle. Can see the tabloids now, "RUST HIRES TAZZ TO PUNK OUT MN GOVENOR". Rust could own NY masterminding a ploy like that, something right out of the Tonya Harding playbook.
-Place a call to Wisconsin's new governor. He's a no-nonsense guy, and surely already sick of what's going on the other side of the border. Maybe he can put Jess in his place, maybe get the Wisconsin militia to invade Duluth or something and let him know he means business.
As for the games themselves, as least both games that I watched had the lousy weather going. Unfortunately it won't do much for league attendance. Not much positive can be said for CHI-NY. I found Memphis/LA a little entertaining, as the Maniax sedated LA early with a double-shot of phenobarbital. Drunkenmiller actually looked pretty good (and halfway mature), getting a couple of long completions early, and Salaam ran wild in the first half. Charles Jordan also caught a few balls, he's a team player, he took the fall for Antonio Freeman once (when he with his girl, ran into a power pole leaving dinner).
Meanwhile Coach Lu was gripping on the sidelines, "they're taking it right to us!!!!". What else is new. The wanna-be Troy Aikman was trying to throw with gloves on, with disastrous results. Big-mouthed receiver Jermaine Copeland was on his game though, demonstrating his 'X-spot' end zone dance in a promo. He also had a nice comment for an opponent after a conversion attempt, "you can't hit anyone, THAT?S HOW YOU GOT CUT FROM THE COLTS!!!" Then how did Jermaine get the boot from the Rams??? And one last item, I know this was a classic winter Socal drenching, but has the Coliseum Commision ever heard of a drainage system??? Was worried that someone was going to drown out there (seriously). LA sportswriter Joe McDonnell said it years ago, BLOW THE PLACE UP!!! Milwaukee County Stadium (R.I.P) was a palace compared to this dump.
The other two games had Orlando winning 30-6 and Vegas beating SF 16-9. Rod Smart actually had a good game and Brandon Sanders intercepted yet another pass.
So enjoy seeing Rusty becoming famous, or is it infamous. Hopefully, RAW and SMACKDOWN is promoting this to death. God knows, we need the TV ratings...
