| why cant i be free to live without judgement? People get used to seeing you do something and if you stop or do something new they have a million judgemental questions to ask you. I wish life were simple. I wish I could be innocent forever. I wish they didn't have any reason to ask me questions I wish i didn't have the questions that I have What if God were real to me Would anything make any more sence? Is anyone better than the other if they beleive or not? It's all just part of an image Everyone choses their image and is judged by it Individualism is encouraged only so that our differences can be pointed out and corrected No one is ever really free We are full to the brim of jealosy, hypocracy, judgement, and egocentrism. I want to be the one that isn't, but I know it's in vein. |
| I keep remembering that smell It reminds me of bread It smells like hunger I want to eat you I want to breathe you in We are so close but I want to be closer I want to be you I want us to be one I'm hungry for it I cant forget your smell |
| So you think you're the fucking king of the whole goddamn world What's the big idea Did someone tell you you're special Do you know how much they lie Well fuck you for beleiving them And fuck them for picking you over me You're not the king of my fucking world so get the hell out |
| How am I supposed to become close to a person when they keep things from me. I know you have a secret life without me. I guess It's alright if I can just have a part of you, I should appreciate what I get. I'm happy enough just pretending I'm whole. Maybe people who get out more than me dont think much about it when they go have fun. I dont have enough energy left to care. I just feel like I'm beckoning the rapist to molest me, just so someone will hold me and give me attention. There's a piano falling from the sky and I dont care enough to get out from under it. |
| March 2002 |
| 3-25-2 |
| giving up on old ways becoming something new it's really just the same old shit nothing changes from shades of blue |
| bullshit bullshit everything they tell you is bullshit listen to their lies cant you hear my cries? bullshit bullshit soon all you say will be bullshit tell them your lies never hear my cries |
| I have no will left I have no cares do what you will I'll just stare Might as well go have your fun I'll just let you be If you get tired of your other toys you can come play with me Must be great to have such a girlfriend quiet, willing, and oblivious I'll never know what's going on in your mind, life, or with us But if you keep pouring out the money and if i keep pretending it's alright well keep this little thing going I'll think about you all night |
| How can I learn to trust someone when hy heart's been betrayed so many times I dont even trust myself, how can I let another into my life How can I learn to love someone when my heart's been broken so many times I dont even love myself, how can I let another into my life |
| come into my house at night steal my happiness and take my peace how can you think you're justified will your persuit of torturing me ever cease |
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