why cant i be free to live without judgement?
People get used to seeing you do something and if you stop or do something new they have a million judgemental questions to ask you.
I wish life were simple.
I wish I could be innocent forever.
I wish they didn't have any reason to ask me questions
I wish i didn't have the questions that I have
What if God were real to me
Would anything make any more sence?
Is anyone better than the other if they beleive or not?
It's all just part of an image
Everyone choses their image and is judged by it
Individualism is encouraged only so that our differences can be pointed out and corrected
No one is ever really free
We are full to the brim of jealosy, hypocracy, judgement, and egocentrism.
I want to be the one that isn't, but I know it's in vein.
I keep remembering that smell
It reminds me of bread
It smells like hunger
I want to eat you
I want to breathe you in
We are so close
but I want to be closer
I want to be you
I want us to be one
I'm hungry for it
I cant forget your smell
So you think you're the fucking king of the whole goddamn world

What's the big idea

Did someone tell you you're special

Do you know how much they lie

Well fuck you for beleiving them

And fuck them for picking you over me

You're not the king of my fucking world so get the hell out
How am I supposed to become close to a person when they keep things from me. I know you have a secret life without me. I guess It's alright if I can just have a part of you, I should appreciate what I get. I'm happy enough just pretending I'm whole. Maybe people who get out more than me dont think much about it when they go have fun. I dont have enough energy left to care. I just feel like I'm beckoning the rapist to molest me, just so someone will hold me and give me attention. There's a piano falling from the sky and I dont care enough to get out from under it.
March 2002
3-25-2
giving up on old ways
becoming something new
it's really just the same old shit
nothing changes from shades of blue
bullshit bullshit
everything they tell you is bullshit
listen to their lies
cant you hear my cries?
bullshit bullshit
soon all you say will be bullshit
tell them your lies
never hear my cries
I have no will left
I have no cares
do what you will
I'll just stare

Might as well go have your fun
I'll just let you be
If you get tired of your other toys
you can come play with me

Must be great to have such a girlfriend
quiet, willing, and oblivious
I'll never know what's going on
in your mind, life, or with us

But if you keep pouring out the money
and if i keep pretending it's alright
well keep this little thing going
I'll think about you all night
How can I learn to trust someone when hy heart's been betrayed so many times
I dont even trust myself, how can I let another into my life
How can I learn to love someone when my heart's been broken so many times
I dont even love myself, how can I let another into my life
come into my house at night
steal my happiness and take my peace
how can you think you're justified
will your persuit of torturing me ever cease
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