Psychiatric Hotline 
Submitted By: 
Parkay4436 
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. 
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. 
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. 
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. 
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. 
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. 
If you are phobic, don't press anything. 
If you are anal-retentive, please hold


The Affair 
A sociologist, a psychologist, and a computer programmer were discussing the consequences and implications of a married man having a mistress. The sociologist's opinion was that it is absolutely and categorically unforgivable for a married man to forfeit the bond of matrimony, and engage in such lowly and lustful pursuits. 
The psychologist's opinion was that although morally reprehensible, if a man MUST have a mistress to achieve his full potential as a human being, then -- well -- he may go ahead and choose to have a mistress, as long as he is considerate enough to keep this secret from his wife. 
The programmer then interjected: "I also believe that, if necessary, a married man is entitled to a mistress. However, I do not see why the affair should be concealed from the wife. On the contrary, if the affair is out in the open, then on Friday evenings he may tell his wife that he is going to see his mistress, tell his mistress that he is going to be with his wife, then go to his office and get some work done!" 


Most Wanted 

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men.
One of the kids pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."
So, Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"




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