Need Water! 
A traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out. The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes." 
The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" 
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, and they'll give you all the water you want." 
The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned. 
The man at the card table said, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?" 
"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."


Out With the Flu 

I ran into Jim at work yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the flu. I asked him how he was feeling. "I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied. 
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?" I asked in stunned disbelief. 
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a deliveryman headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying, 'My husband is home! My husband is home!" 


 Marital Bliss? 
A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flowerbed. 
The man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill." She ignored the remark. 
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well. 
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

Quick Thinking

One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" 
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba. 
"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"



__________________________________
www.edsamail.com