Frodo for all Seasons

By Summer

Beta read by Kathryn Ramage

Class: Slash, parody G rating. Fluff!

Pairings: Sam/Frodo, Aragorn/Frodo, Elrond/Gil-Galad Action Figures

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Tolkien and New Line and Toybiz does.

Writer’s note: Got this from buying up all these Lord of the Rings Action figures. LOL, and I thought oh heck, what a great parody story this would make.

‘I am not exactly sure how I got here, or when I was created, except for the few memories I discovered in my very small plastic head. I only know that, one day, I was riding in a big truck and deposited inside a giant retail store called Toys R Us. There, I was placed among many other look-alike toys called Action Figures. I glanced around in my plastic shielded cage to see that there were even a few that looked exactly like me. They were just simply duplicates. And I was not just any action figure--why I am Samwise Gamgee of Two Towers. Not only The Ringbearer's gardener, but also his faithful servant and friend. That was about all I really remembered, at least at that time.

‘Before I could wonder how long I would be here, the lights came on and the intercom above me sounded, announcing the opening of the store. I soon found giant human people coming up and down the aisle, giving me a few glances. I was so delicately placed right up front. I hope they don’t think I am getting above myself for being first in line. Anyway a part of me was excited. I just couldn’t wait to see who would snap me up and take me home with them. A feisty little boy who just couldn’t wait to show me to all his friends or a little girl longing for a Samwise of her own. I was kind of torn with it. I mean, boys are fun of course, but they are a bit rough. Girls--well, I was informed by the other action figures around me that the girls tend to be much more gentle with the action figures.

‘Needless to say, I was a bit saddened when it was a young woman looking to be in her thirties paused in the aisle looked up, smiled at me, and plucked me from my shelf. All my hopes and plans to spend the rest of my existence with a child vanished. My sadness, however, didn’t last long, for when we got into her car she abruptly pulled me out of the bag. Then she smiled again and said the most wonderful words I ever heard.’

“Wait until I get you home. Your fellowship awaits you!”

‘Oh my goodness, I thought. I was going to be reunited with all my friends. And sure enough, upon my arrival, I was quickly freed from my plastic cage and set upon a table, where to my joy I saw all my dear old friends. Each one couldn’t wait to introduce himself to me personally. Funny how they thought they had to. I mean after all I did already meet them…didn’t I?’

“Hi, Samwise, of Two Towers. I’m Strider from the Fellowship. Remember me?”

‘Naturally I did. Who wouldn’t remember Strider? Silly man who would be king.

“Hi, Sam. It's us, Merry and Pippin from the Fellowship. We were paired together.”

Pippin promptly giggled and pulled on my coat. I yanked it away from him and frowned.

‘Paired together, that would make sense. But not necessarily the right thing. The factory workers must have been wanting to save some time and decided to put this mischievous couple together in one. Maybe to keep them from causing too much damage in one home.

‘Then another two figures approached, and I laughed as the taller one seemed to try to push the smaller figure aside. The shorter figure however evaded and stepped forward wielding two axes in his hand.

“Hey, Samwise, its me Gimli from Fellowship at the council meeting. See, I still have my axe, including the broken one…wasn’t that nice of those factory people to let me keep it?”

I laughed inspite of myself and turned to the taller figure to see a brief scowl on the elf’s face before he broke out in a smile. “Hello, Sam, I’m Legolas from Return of the King. Unlike the rest of the others, I came in a much smaller plastic box and I even have lots or weapons…aren’t they pretty? Almost as pretty as me. See, not even a smudge or a rip in my clothing,” he asked, showing off his swords and arrows.

Gimli grumbled and at once cut in. “Yes, and you were also out of all of us the most difficult to get out of the box. Apparently, you are far too dangerous and those makers had to tie you up with extra plastic twine.”

‘As Gimli grinned at his jab at the elf, Legolas seemed to huff rather hotly and wander off to go show his new weapons to the soon-to-be, someday King of Gondor, Strider. As I stared all around me, I recognized other figures as well. Haldir of Helm's Deep, and Faramir of Rohan, as well as the Lady Galadriel and Lord Elrond. I even saw some that I didn’t recognize, like The Lady of Rohan from the Two Towers, which I guess I never met in that movie-made feature and of course Eomer, who I must say has a very nice helmet. I wonder if he has a spare?’

‘But after the big presentation, I soon found myself sitting at the edge of the table, not understanding why I felt so unhappy. It was like something was missing and I didn't know what.’

‘Days passed into weeks, and the pretty lady, as I called her, often came to check up on us when she wasn‘t working or playing on something she called a computer. She would smile and move us around on the table and once and awhile even pat us on the head and give us a peck on the cheek. Funny thing was she kind of gave us Hobbits more kisses then the rest, which kind of made Legolas of Return of the King, a bit upset. I guess he was a bit jealous often muttering that he was after all the prettiest.

I was very grateful when, one late afternoon, we were graced with another arrival. I was never so happy as to see Gandalf the Grey from Fellowship and Gandalf the White from Return of the King. It was so good to see the old wizard again and, as far as I am concerned, two Gandalfs are always better than one.’

With Gandalf now among us, he kept all fights under control with a threat to give each of us a swift hit over the head with his staff. Personally I was more concerned with being turned into something…unnatural.

I was still finding myself sitting by myself, wondering why I still felt as if something was missing. As each month passed, more and more action figures arrived, even the same action figure but in different parts of the movie and costumes --Aragorn super poseable, Lady Arwen from Fellowship. The two seemed quite busy with each other and didn’t give us much of their company. Eowyn in armor from Return of the King seemed most happy too and quite smitten with Faramir of Gondor, although I did see her flirt a little in Boromir’s direction a few times, but after all she is still single she can play both fields if she wants to.

Boromir with Armour of Gondor came soon afterwards, followed by Bilbo on his 111th birthday celebration. I was not entirely surprised when Gandalf, after going off with old Bilbo, did a bit of a double take when another Pippin arrived from Return of the King in armor as well as a Merry from Return at the Pelennor fields.

He mumbled and grumbled quite a loudly as I recall. Some of what he said is not worth repeating.

‘And still, with all of these action figures running about around me, I still found myself sad and lonely. Something was just not right. And finally unable to bear it, I threw myself on the table floor and just started weeping. The pretty lady must have heard me, because she came running over from her living room and swept me up into her arms in grave concern.’

“There now Samwise, don’t cry. I know what is making you so sad. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten him. He is my most favorite character, I’m just waiting for the big clearance sale at the end of this week.”

‘I did not understand at all what she was talking about, and so I looked away from her and continued to weep.’

From that moment on, I watched the clock on the wall and saw just how slow time can be when you watch it non-stop. But eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, the weekend came and the pretty lady grabbed her purse and with a wave and a blown kiss to us, she headed out the door.

‘I don’t know what was wrong with me, but for the rest of the day, I just kept pacing the table back and forth. It wasn’t until I made my three hundredth and twenty turn that Gandalf the White started clacking his staff on the table.

“Samwise Gamgee will you please stop pacing…we are all anxious for his coming, but we must be patient.”

‘I sighed and shrugged at the grand wizard, but I couldn’t help myself and continued to pace across the table. It seemed again like forever and a day, until I heard the car engine pull into the driveway. I clutched my hands to my side, after sheathing my sword, because after all that would really have hurt if I had held my hands to my chest with my short sword.

Really.

‘I felt as if time itself had stopped and, I just couldn’t wait to see what was to come. Sure enough, the pretty lady came into the house carrying with her a big bag with the name Toys R Us on it. I leaped up and down to show my pleasure and my eagerness to the pretty lady, but if she noticed, she simply kept her same slow walking pace, smiling that sweet smile. I wanted so much to throw a rock at her (Just a small one to get her attention!) and to get her to move a little faster. Before I realized it, she walked right past the table and me and into the living room.

‘For a moment, I felt my mouth hang open in shock and an overwhelming hurt coming from inside my plastic chest by the brush off, until I felt Aragorn, as Strider, put his hand on my shoulder. “Its ok, Sam. She just wants to be the first to hold them. Patience…soon he will be with us again. For you are not the only one that has missed him terribly.”

‘I tried not to notice that dreamy like stare that Aragorn held in his eyes. Like he was expecting something special too. Narrowing my eyes, I put both my hands on my waist and gave everyone my most irate pout. Yeah, the one even Mr. Frodo didn’t like.

‘Listening to the noises of crunching and ripping, I cringed slightly wishing with all my heart I could be next to the pretty lady reminding her to be gentle, that my master needs extra careful opening than the other Lord of the Rings action figures. Biting my nails and pacing again, I at once came to a stand still when I heard the movement of feet coming closer. Suddenly the pretty lady was standing before me and with a smile on her face she brought him forth.’

“Hey, everyone, guess who’s finally arrived? Gil-Galad. The High Elven lord. See, Lord Elrond, I didn‘t forget him. As I promised!”

‘My happiness at once vanished. Elrond gave a loud, delighted cry from behind me and embraced the High Elvish lord. Then for some unknown reason, they ran off behind one of the potted plants and refused to come out for the next few days. I won’t mention the strange noises that seemed to come from that said potted plant either. No, I won’t.

‘Staring at the pretty lady, I allowed my tears to come to my eyes. It was then that she seemed to notice me.’

“Oh, Sam, sweet Sam. Why must you despair…do you honestly believe I would forget him?”

‘Hope renewed, I wiped my eyes and waited as she pulled up a bag and deposited not one, not two, but three small familiar figures. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I blinked several times trying to make sense of it all but there my beloved master stood before me. Three very different, but beautiful, Frodo Baggins.’

“This Sam is the Frodo you first knew since childhood. Frodo of the Fellowship. Your Beloved Master at Bag End. Here is Frodo of the Two Towers and this one just came out. He is my most precious of all Frodo’s. He even talks.”

‘At once, she pushed a button on a rock that this Frodo stood upon and I heard my beloved Master’s voice for the first time.’

“Glad to be here with you Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things.”

“This, Sam, is Frodo at the Cracks of Doom.”

‘And indeed it was, out of all the other Frodo’s this one looked in awful health. His clothes were in tatters, wounds lined his face and he looked completely exhausted. Still, he was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

‘I heard a commotion going on behind me and at once the pretty lady raised her hand.’

“No, no, Samwise gets first pick. There are three Frodos, and I promise I will get even more. There’s still Twilight Frodo, Frodo in Orc Armor and of course webbed Frodo, but not today. Sam, you get to pick which one you want to have as your very own.”

‘I stared at the lady in surprise, but a smile came to my face and I stared at the three Frodos in delight. I get to choose one of the three to keep for my very own? But then my smile faded and I found myself in quite the dilemma. After all I loved my Master of Bag End in Fellowship. I loved my Frodo in Two Towers and of course there is this Frodo from Return that seemed to be begging and needing my love.

‘What a difficult choice I was facing.’

“Come on, Sam. Pick me! Don’t you remember all those days we sat out in the garden holding hands and smoking pipe weed?” asked the Frodo from The Fellowship.

“Why yes, Master. I do.” ‘And I blushed at the memory of it.’

“No, Sam, pick me,” cried Frodo of the Two Towers. “Do you not know how much I needed you in the second movie? How I needed you to help me keep Gollum in line?”

“Aye, yes sir, I remember.” That evil, vile monster. Stinker. Should have killed him before he laid his eyes upon my dear Master.

“Sam…Sam…Do you not remember how much we cuddled and held each other in Return of the King?” began the last Frodo from the Cracks of Doom. His voice sounded suddenly weak and fading. “Glad to be with you…here at the end of all things…”

‘I stared at this Frodo for a long time and it was then I knew I had made my choice. All my Frodos needed me, but this one…he needs me more. I at once ran to my beloved Master and held him in my arms.’

“Then if I can’t carry it for you, I’ll carry you!” I replied and I scooped my Crack of Doom Frodo into my arms and swept him away to the far end of the table, so we could make up for lost time. My Cracks of doom Frodo cooed and sighed in bliss.

The other two Frodos stood off to the side, staring sadly at the scene. But their sadness didn’t last for long. For Frodo of the Fellowship was just wiping away a tear when he was suddenly swept up into the air and was quickly brought over to the plants with a very happy and smug looking Strider who would someday be king.

“Mine, mine, all mine!”

A moment later, of course, they came out from behind the plants as a voice shouted behind them. “Get your own plant to hide behind! Mortals!”

As for the Frodo of Two Towers, he stood by the table ledge not sure what he was to do next. That was until the pretty lady brought out her last action figure.

“It's ok, Frodo. I figured you might be needing someone too…here’s a Sam of your own…Sam from Fellowship. Happy now?”

Snatching this Sam’s hand, Frodo threw the pretty lady a kiss from his hand and quickly ran off with his Sam on a new quest. To find their own quiet spot on the table.

‘I saw, The pretty Lady, sigh contentedly and than hurried off into her room muttering something about surfing the Web and see if there were any more new slash stories on Lord of the rings up yet on something called Frodo Fiction. What ever that was. Must remind myself to see what that is all about-just to make sure there are no more Frodos lying about needing someone to love him. After all I am rather stocky and I am sure I can warm more than one Frodo at a time.

‘As for me, Samwise Gamgee…I am most content and happy now with my Frodo from the Cracks of Doom.

“Oh, Samwise Gamgee. Oh Sam, my Sam, glad to be with you, here at the end of all things.”

Oh no, Master, this isn’t the end…this is just the beginning.

The END!