December 23, 1993

***

He drummed his fingers softly against the metal, already feeling the cold seep into his gloves. The wind was blowing hard and Elijah was certain that another snowstorm was going to hit.

He glanced around his surroundings. On one side, he could see a forest of trees and in the distance two looming white-capped mountains. To his right, he could see a pathway that led to a street, which opened to a larger street that led back into a small country town.

Snow was drifting down from above, and all around him was silence. Complete silence, and that unnerved him. He never got used to silence. It reminded him of the past. Of being in a hospital room a few years ago. Where he watched his grandfather’s life slip away and leave this world. He hated winter: he hated December and he hated what he was about to do. But he was desperate, so very desperate.

Jericho had been driving them up to Jane’s farm. Elijah was hoping that at least to be someplace inviting and warm for the holidays. Elijah knew it was more for his benefit than Jericho’s. If Jericho had any choice, he would have been continuing the search for his own father, Jason Richards. Instead, he turned the car around and headed for Maine. Those plans came to an end when Route 95 was blocked off due to the snow storm coming down from the north east of Canada.

They had finally stopped in some small town in Massachusetts called Endicott. Most of the hotels had been booked, having no more room for guests. But Jericho pressed on, hoping to find at least one place to take cover until the storm ended. They finally found a room in a country Inn just on the outskirts of the town. The elderly couple that ran the place made the boys and Jericho’s sister, Natasha, right at home.

“Now, now, it’s a frightful night. Why don’t you all just sit in the parlor and warm yourselves by the fire.”

The elderly woman, called simply ‘Mrs. Cerois’, brought them into a well-lighted living room that had a roaring fire awaiting, and one of the biggest Christmas trees Elijah had ever seen. And best of all, it was a real Christmas tree. It even had an Angel for The top. An Angel with white wings and a long white gown and her hair was an auburn color.

In her hand she held a candle. Every year, as a child, Elijah had hoped for a real Christmas tree for the special holiday. But, Grandpa had not allowed it. He had called it a waste of money. He said that Christmas was not about presents and trees, but about Jesus being born. Elijah had always celebrated that fact, but he never could understand why Grandpa had been so strongly opposed to having just one tree. His mom had felt the same way, but she had not disobeyed her own father’s wishes. It was his house after all.

Until--

Grandpa had died two weeks before Christmas. Elijah had no reason to celebrate the holiday that year and he was sure the same had been felt by his mother, until he came home from School to see the most beautiful tree standing in the middle of the living room.

It wasn’t all that big, perhaps five feet and it was still wet and undecorated, but Elijah had never felt so happy at that moment since his grandfather's death. They had little money that year as it was, especially when Grandpa’s medical insurance had refused to pay most of the hospital bills. Mom had to get a second job just to make ends meet. There were no Christmas presents.

Elijah was still content. Happy to be sitting in his living room, looking at the cheesy made popcorn string around the tree and the cardboard ornaments he and his mother had made on the table days before. To him, it was beautiful and it gave him more reflection upon Christmas than in the past.

What made that day so special was the simple fact that his mother had been with him. She had managed to get the day off from the restaurant, thanks to a nice co-worker who worked the day for her. Family together, even with one member missing, had still given Elijah comfort.

Comfort that was so hard to find these days.

***

She stood quietly off to the side. She was dressed all in white and glowed like the sun. The boy would not see her, for she knew she was here only to observe. She had already been told all about him and her eyes filled with tears. A handsome man, looking to be in his thirties, was next to the auburn-haired woman; he too looked on sadly at the boy who was trying so desperately to make one phone call.

***

The operator made the connection, and Elijah took a deep breath as his thoughts continued to return to what happened a few minutes ago.

Mrs. Cerois had brought them some hot chocolate with marshmallows in them, as well as a tray of many different homemade cookies she had just freshly pulled from the oven, Elijah had felt the tears come to his eyes at the sight of the cookies. To add to the comfort of their guests, just before they had retired for the evening, the couple had put on a radio allowing them to listen to some holiday music.

When Elvis started singing "I’ll be Home for Christmas,” Elijah had exited the room and bundling himself up, made a hasty exit out of the inn. He had seen the public telephone a few feet down the street and had made his way here.

Two days to Christmas, Elijah was filled with a deep sense of emptiness that he could not explain. Well, he could explain it, however, he was sure that Jericho and the others would all laugh at him. How could he at the age of 18 feel this way?

He was homesick, or more to the point, missing his mom terribly. This would be his first Christmas without her, and it was tearing him up inside.

He never felt so empty, so alone. He knew he was being childish and yet couldn’t help the feelings of loneliness that were washing over him. When he was growing up, Christmas had been all about family and spending time together. Sipping hot cider, caroling, and of course the story-telling of the first Christmas.

The morning of Christmas was special too, not that Elijah ever got much. Lunch of course meant turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and peas. Dessert was always mom’s special blueberry pie. The end of the day would be spent looking over old photos.

One year, he did remember he'd got his Christmas wish. He had been begging his mother for months. Sure enough, on Christmas he got the super Model Train set. It had been a big surprise when he had opened it. He had never really believed he would get it. After all, it was worth fifty dollars.

Elijah would later learn his mother had sold her own mother’s pearl necklace to get the money to buy it.

It was three weeks later when Grandpa accidentally stepped on it on the way to the bathroom.

Elijah listened as the phone click and a male's voice came onto the other end.

“Yes. Saxon speaking.”

Elijah closed his eyes and swallowed.

“Mr. Saxon. It’s Elijah.”

“Well, well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised and what can I do for you, my dear boy? After all, I’m sure it is not me you intended to speak to.”

Elijah swallowed again and, trying to keep his voice under control, made a wish. “Can-may I please speak to my mother?”

“Why, may I ask, should I allow that?”

“Please, it’s almost Christmas,“ Elijah begged desperately “I just want to talk to her and let her know--I love her. It‘s my first Christmas without her.”

“Oh, how hard that must really be. Poor little thing. Tell you what--” Came a harsh voice on the other end of the line. “You come here and will spend a joyous Christmas together as a family and then you can talk to her all you wish. Son.”

Elijah felt the tears sting his eyes and felt his bottom lip tremble. “Please, Mr. Saxon-I need to--”

“Please Mr. Saxon.” Saxon mimicked, “How does it feel to want, Elijah. Need? Hmm? Oh well, sorry can’t help you, my dear boy. Good bye. Have a--Merry Holiday alone.”

Click.

Elijah could almost see the smile on Saxon’s face as he spoke. He heard the dial tone and knew he had been hung up on. He let the tears fall and felt his entire world caving in on him.

***

“Oh, Andrew, How could someone be so cruel?” whispered the woman dressed all in white.

The male took a step back and shook his head sadly at the beautiful woman with auburn hair. “Humans have the greatest capacity of being good and being evil. It is their choice.”

“He just wanted to talk to his mother? He looks so lost. So alone.”

“That is why we are here, Monica.” replied the one called Andrew.

***

He should have expected as much. But it still stung. It hurt. No one could possibly understand how much. Hanging up the phone, Elijah wiped at his eyes and turned to confront two people. Jericho and Dom. Their eyes told Elijah they had heard everything.

Elijah waited for the laughing to begin or chastisement for his stupidity and emotional sentiments; instead, he was pulled into their arms and hugged tightly. Elijah cried and they cried with him.

***

L.A.

Saxon Estates (one hour later)

She threw up, again, into the toilet. This was the same scenario that she had been forced to endure all this week. Even when it first happened, Jean had felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. It wasn’t possible. She was nearly forty years old. She was too old to be-No!

She closed her eyes and tried to shut out the thoughts. It was just some kind of flu going around. That’s all. Mopping her mouth with a towel, Jean Chevalier slowly got to her feet.

The feeling overcame her, everything began to spin and then, she didn’t remember a thing afterwards. Hearing a thump in the bathroom, a nearby servant making the master’s bed hurried inside to find the mistress lying on the floor. Throwing her linen aside, she ran to get her employer.

A few minutes later, an ambulance made its way towards Saxon's estates.

***

Music filled the room:

Sitting by the fire, Elijah stared at the Christmas tree, still holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate in his hands. He was miserable. He felt no better than he did earlier. His dad was stuck in the hands of Steel Fletcher, his mom was with Saxon, and getting to Aunt Jane’s farm for Christmas was turning out to be not possible with the snowstorm. There was no way of contacting Uncle Illya and of course Uncle Jason was still missing.

I'll have a blue Christmas, that's certain;

As the song concluded a new song filled the air.

("My Grown up Christmas Wish")

A giggle brought Elijah’s head up.

He saw Natalie was sitting in front of the tree, stringing up a pearl of popcorn. She was dressed in a velvet emerald dress Jericho had bought her a few days before. Her long blond hair was pinned back in one long braid. Her face at the moment was lit up with the happiest smile he had not seen since he'd met her. It was obvious she was missing Uncle Illya, who had been a father to her most of her life, but she was getting through it all. She seemed to be taking things a lot better than he.

Billy was next to her, supposedly trying to help, but instead was eating more popcorn than making a string. Hence the reason Natalie was giggling.

“Billy, stop eating all the popcorn, I have already had to microwave two bags because of it. Stop it!”

But Billy only proceeded to munch on the flavored treat. Natalie continued to giggle, no longer looking like a nineteen year old but much, much younger.

Jericho was nearby and was watching the weather report. From what Elijah could hear, it looked like the snowstorm would continue into late tomorrow. They expected at least another ten inches before the storm was over.

Searching for Dom, Elijah saw him standing in front of the window, sipping a cup of coffee, watching the snow come down. Somewhere in the house a clock struck 8 pm.

Dom seemed to feel that someone was staring at him and he turned from the window to glance at Elijah. He smiled gently at him and then looked back out the window.

Finishing his cup of chocolate, Elijah was just about to head to the kitchen and get another, when the next Christmas song filled the air.

That was it, Elijah could swear somewhere, somebody was purposely being a sadistic bastard. With that, Elijah went for his coat and headed for the door. He paused to see Mrs. Cerois standing there.

“My dear child, you don’t intend to go out into this weather, do you? It’s not a night to be outside.”

Elijah smiled at the elderly woman, feeling the pain hit him once more. She was really very sweet, and if he would have had a grandmother in his life, she would have been the ideal one.

For a moment, the elderly woman stared at him and then she raised her hand and cupped Elijah’s cheek. “It is never easy being away from home on the holidays. But you are not the first to be away from home. Nor the last. Everything will be alright. You’ll see.”

Elijah nodded, however, he still put on his coat. “I just want to take a walk. I’ll be back.”

“Elijah?” Hearing his name, Elijah held onto the doorknob and paused. “Can I come?”

Elijah swallowed and shook his head. “I just need to be alone right now. Please,” replied Elijah and without looking back at Dominic, he was out the door.

Dom paused, staring at the fleeing figure, not sure what to do. Mrs. Cerois handed Dom his coat and then Dom was out the door.

Jericho remained standing by the doorway of the living room. A part of him wanted to go with Dom after Elijah too, but he knew that right now Elijah had to work through his own holiday depression. He had already spent several Christmasses alone and though it was still painful being alone on the holidays, he took to heart that at least this year he had his sister to take comfort in.

He turned and saw Natalie was just starting to put the string of popcorn around the Christmas tree. Billy was trying to help, and succeeded only in getting the both of them twisted into it. When they realized the predicament they were in, Billy grinned cheekily while Natasha laughed.

Jericho smiled. This year was different. This time, he had his sister-a cousin-family. He was not alone. For the first time since he awoke from that dreaded coma three years ago, Jericho felt at peace. Swiss-cheesed brain and all.

***

He was completely oblivious to his surroundings. Elijah walked along the sidewalks of the small town, not caring that he was the only one that seemed to be out and about, while a snowstorm blew around him.

He did not know that Dom was only a few hundred feet away, following. Elijah was too consumed with his thoughts and sadness to fully comprehend anything. He knew he should be fighting this depression and that Mrs. Cerois was right; he wasn’t the first to spend Christmas alone. That he should be happy that he was at least with his cousins, brother, and lover, but all he could think about was that his mother was in L.A. with Saxon. Without him.

The tears wanted to come, but Elijah refused to let them. He was also angry. Angry at himself for not finding a way to save his mother from Nigel Saxon. Somehow, there had to be a way to prevent all the things that have happened in his life, and for some reason Elijah felt he had missed the boat.

Completely.

He felt as if he was in the middle of the ocean, trying desperately to stay afloat, all the while sharks were swimming around him. Closing in. No, what he felt was like, he was drowning. Dying. It just wasn’t fair. So damn unfair.

Wiping at his face, Elijah saw the small church just up on top of a hill. He couldn’t tell what type of church with all the snow that was falling, yet Elijah could clearly hear the jubilant music being sung. It filled his ears and seemed to want to draw him closer. For a moment, Elijah thought about just walking on; the voices, however, coming from the church sounded welcoming and warm. He could even see through the stained glass windows glowing candles.

He felt numb and cold inside and out. Elijah still did not feel like going near the religious icon. After everything he had been through, he wasn’t even sure if he believed in anything anymore. In the beginning of his journey, he had prayed hard to some all-powerful God to help him. Where did his prayers get him? Nowhere. He was thousands of miles away from his mother, with a father that was out of reach to rescue, and in an impossible relationship that was completely frowned upon by society. Damned by God.

Maybe this was what this was about. Maybe this was a punishment.

Elijah was about to walk away, when the singing changed and caused him to pause. The voices seemed to get louder and more beautiful.

Elijah felt his feet turn without his volition and before he knew it, he found himself climbing slowly up towards the hill. Towards the beaming light radiating from the church. He swallowed and felt the cold wind pick up. The snow was falling more heavily and it was getting harder to see, and still he climbed.

***

Dominic stopped walking and could just make out Elijah’s form heading up a hill.

He looked up the hill and could just make out some type of building. What was that? Oh, it took Dom a moment to realize it was some small chapel or church. Dom shoved his hands into his pockets, wondering if he should wait here a bit or go after Elijah to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.

He really didn’t understand the melancholy Elijah was going through. He understood the desire to be with family, but Dom had never really had a close family to begin with. His mother had died when he was a baby and his father--well, had never been with him on any holiday.

No, he'd mostly spent them in boarding schools. However, before there was Nana. Nana, he hadn’t seen her since he was a child. She had been hired by his mother’s family shortly after his mom‘s fatal car accident.

Steel Fletcher, instead of keeping his son close to him after the death of his beloved wife, had foisted his unwanted son to England. Dom was suppose to have been brought up by his mother’s parents, but it didn’t quite work out that way.

Anna’s family had been too consumed with her death and too preoccupied with their high society world to deal with a small crying baby. So in the end, he had been sent to a small London flat, where he was handed over to an Aunt who spent more time under the table then than looking after a baby.

Eventually she had been hired. Nana. She had been the only real family Dom had ever had. So many loving memories were of her. She had been sweet and kind to him. Strict too. And yet always loving. She had been everything to Dom. And then one day after he turned eight, she was just gone.

He was then sent off to boarding school. He never saw her again and, after that he had never allowed anyone to get close to him. As the years passed, Dom had hardened himself that all you could get out of life is what you made of it. The only way to get what you wanted was to use your wits, clever sweet words, and of course lots of money. He took those words with him into adulthood.

He had learned the hard way that life was cold and cruel and he accepted that. If others wanted to believe in some mighty God and some pretty little world waiting around the next corner, then let them be called the fool. He believed in only one thing. Himself. The only one you could count on was yourself.

The music filled the air, and Dom suddenly realized why Elijah was heading to the church. He scowled in annoyance. Why would Elijah turn to a God that didn't exist and even if he did cared nothing for the demon seeds that existed on this planet? Dom knew the truth. God had abandoned his children a long time ago. They were alone. To survive you had to be strong.

There was no such thing as fairy tales, unicorns, or even miracles and Angels. It was all in people's minds. Chance and luck, that was all it was. That, and how much money you had. Who had the power.

Dom closed his eyes and then opening them back up, he started to walk after Elijah at a more hurried pace. He had to make Elijah understand that he needed no spiritual God to help him. Just he, Dominic Fletcher. He would always be Elijah’s guiding light. The only light that Elijah needed.

**

The music stopped as Elijah felt his hand close around the door knob. He hadn’t been able to make out the type of church this was. He had seen no statues, no special signs that would reveal its personal religion. It just seemed to shine on this hill as a beacon. Like waiting for someone special to enter. For him?

Elijah felt silly and was about to turn back, when the singing began again. This time softer and still beautiful. It sounded like a chorus of angels. Elijah smiled at the thought, remembering how that first year with a Christmas tree, his mother had asked whether Elijah wanted a star or an angel on the tree. Elijah had chosen angel. And his mother had carved a paper Angel for the top. One with auburn hair and holding a candle.

An angel. His angel.

Elijah opened the door and entered.

***

The wind and snow were picking up, and Dom found it a bit harder than he thought climbing the hill. He stumbled on something and found himself falling, rolling, and finally coming to a stop at the bottom. Damn. Getting to his feet, he brushed off what snow he could and continued towards the church.

***

Elijah saw a chorus of women and men at the head of the church singing. There didn’t seem to be anyone else about, and so Elijah knelt and took his place in one of the pews, listening to the heavenly music.

The only thing that seemed odd to Elijah was that the chorus were all dressed in white robes and each of them appeared to be of every ethnic race he had ever seen: White, Asian, black, Spanish. Instead of looking like an odd group, however, they seemed to fit. Their voices raised and seemed as perfect as their appearance. They were, in short, beautiful.

Elijah felt more tears sting his eyes. They looked so happy and at peace, while all he felt was misery and sadness. Why was God being so cruel? All he wanted was to have my his mom for Christmas. To be with her on this special day. Just one day out of the year. This day.

***

The music ended and the chorus seemed to act like one; they turned and one by one walked out a small door. When the last one entered the door, he closed it behind him. Now all that was left in the church was silence. Elijah never felt so hopeless. So alone.

One by one, the tears fell from his eyes and streaked down his cheeks. So alone.

“May I sit next to you?”

Startled, Elijah looked up to see someone standing over him. A man, dressed in a white suit and having light brown hair smiled down at him. He had a soft-featured face and deep brown eyes. For some strange reason, Elijah felt like he should know this man, and yet, Elijah was sure he had not met him.

Or had he?

Elijah scooted off to the side, allowing room. Looking around the pews, Elijah could see the church was empty. So out of all these rows, why did this man want to sit with him?

“I am glad you decided to come.”

Elijah looked at him in confusion.

“I wasn’t sure you would. You seemed so lost in your own thoughts outside that I wasn’t certain you would come in this direction. But then they are very--” he nodded to the door, where the chorus had been singing, “-persuasive.”

“What?” Elijah suddenly felt uncomfortable. He wanted to run. He started to rise, but the man’s hand reached out and touched him lightly on the wrist.

Elijah looked into the stranger's eyes and felt the fear slightly leave him as the familiarity of this man finally clicked. Elijah felt his mind turn back the clock and he remembered a certain hospital room where a lifeless form lay.

Jean Chevalier was there. Her hand clutching to the cold hand. She was crying, filled with grief and pain. Her father was gone.

None of her sisters had even bothered to come to say their last goodbyes.

Elijah had only just turned 16 and yet felt so much younger. He felt like he had been hit by a ton of bricks. Staring at his grandfather’s form, an empty shell now. Relieved of the man that used to read to him from The Bible. The man that had taken him to McDonald’s every Sunday. The man that had taught him how to tie his shoelaces, count to ten, and how to make model planes.

A hand gently touched his shoulder. Elijah turned to see a man in his thirties, dressed in a white suit, having light brown hair and deep brown eyes, looking down at him. He had a sad smile on his face.

“I spoke to your Grandfather before he died. He wanted me to tell you something. Something very important that he never got the chance to say and wish he had. That he loves you, that he loved you very much and that he was very sorry for all the things he did not do and for some of the things he did do. For the harsh words he has said. No matter what comes in your future, remember that. He also wanted me to tell you that no matter what darkness comes, God will never abandon you. He and God will always walk with you along the roads you travel. Always.”

Then the man was gone. Elijah never saw him again. Until now.

Elijah felt drawn back to the present and sat back down on the wooden seat. His mouth opened and then closed. The man still looked the same. His eyes just as gentle as before. His face, peaceful and resolved. His voice commanding and yet as soft as the wind. The man seemed at peace with all the world. Young and yet old all at the same time.

“Hello, Elijah. Yes. I had been sent at that time to give you just a brief message. An important one. I was quite certain I would not be remembered. You do remember me.”

“Who are you?”

“You may call me--Andrew.”

“Are you a priest?” asked Elijah, uncertain what was happening. How did this particular man come to be here at this time?

“No. A messenger only. Well, I also have been known to walk special Souls to a certain place. You know who I am--don’t you?”

That was when Elijah saw the transformation begin. The man’s features did not change but seemed to lighten and an aura began to glow around him.

Elijah swallowed.

“Oh God.”

The man named Andrew smiled. “No, not God. One of his Angels. I have been referred to as The Angel of Death. But today is not a day for me to bring eternal peace, but another message. I have been sent here again to cross paths with you to give you a message of hope and faith and love.”

Elijah looked away. His eyes misted and he allowed the tears to come this time. The pain and despair shot through his heart. Elijah was certain he was going to die from the agony. He should have been terrified at this being, but all he felt was sadness, such terrible longing and deep sadness.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Please! I can‘t, I just can‘t. Please don‘t.”

Andrew continued, unwilling to stop, “Elijah, the message I have for you is not what you fear most. God knows what is in your heart and he has sent me to help you--if you will allow it. If you will only listen.”

Elijah could only shake his head, yet he still felt himself listening. Fear and doubt plagued him, and a part of him wanted to hope that instead of hearing condemnation, he hoped for acceptance. Of what, he wasn’t sure.

“First let me tell you something. No matter what prayer you make, God will always hear it. He may not answer it the way you want, but he will answer it. Now he is, by using me to speak to you. You want to know why you had to go on the run-why you were separated from your mother? Why are all these terrible things are happening to you? With everything in life, Elijah, there is a purpose and a reason.”

“Then tell me-if you can-why did he allow Saxon and Fletcher to learn about my blood? To take my mother away from me?”

“Because, Elijah, it would lead you to Jericho’s path, to Billy’s--to Natasha’s. You are not the only person God loves. He has many children that he holds dear to his heart. Jericho, Billy, Natasha, Dominic. Even Saxon, Steel-Vincent and billions of others.”

“You mean--I was supposed to find them? Meet them?”

“Yes, Elijah. You see, you are not alone this Christmas. You have so many that love you and are pulling for you that are on your side. If Saxon had not discovered you and your blood you would never have left home. You would never have met these people. There is a greater plan, Elijah. There is a reason why Saxon came into yours and your mother’s life. Everyone has a destiny to fullfill in God’s eyes. All the things that seem so confusing and unfair and horrible are not as bleak as you think. Some things God intended to change for the better. For He sees everything, knows everything and makes the final decision in what will come to pass.”

Elijah faced him, but then lowered his eyes unable to bear it. “I will never see my mother or father again, will I?” Elijah felt the tears overcome him and he began to shake.

Andrew touched Elijah’s shoulder. “I do not know the future as clearly as the One who sent me. I can only tell you what I was told. Your mother was meant to meet Saxon, to fall in love with him and to be with him. Just as your path was to leave her and go and find new friends and family. Your father’s path also has been a journey he spent alone but not truly alone. Elijah, if you had not gone on the run--the people you have come to know as family--Jericho would now be in the hands of some people who are not kind. They eventually would have killed him.”

Elijah’s head came up and could see the truth in Andrews eyes.

“He would have died, Elijah, but because you crossed his path, as he has saved you many times, you have done the same for him. Your presence alone, even when you feel you did nothing, has changed the paths of so many even some you are not aware of. In that Café you entered--remember those bikers (Road Kill Café, Season One Episode two)--those men-all those people in that diner would have died horribly. But because you were there with Jericho, because you had Dominic and Vincent after you, those needless deaths never came to pass. Everything that you do, anything humans do can lead either to a negative or a positive. Ever since you left your mother much good has come to pass.”

Elijah looked away again and stared at the altar to see a crucifix hanging on the wall above it. He hadn’t noticed it before. Did it just appear, or had it been there all along?

“You believe this is a punishment, but it is only a journey, a road, a path--that is all.”

“If I hadn’t left home--I believe you that the paths of my friends and family would have been different, but wouldn’t I at least have been with my mom? That would be positive, wouldn‘t it?”

Andrew shook his head. “If you had stayed--if you had taken the path of surrender you would not be any better off. It would have been worse. Worse then you could possibly imagine.”

Elijah felt the touch on his arm and again felt himself pulled into a mist of memories, a destiny that never came to pass. Elijah felt his body grow cold at the images.

A white bed

An IV drip entering his arm

A foley bag

No ability to move

The eyes closed never to open

Lifeless and yet alive

His mother was nowhere in sight

No Jericho

No Billy

No Natasha

No Father

No Uncle Illya

He was alone. Completely alone.

Elijah pulled away from Andrew’s hand and hugged himself close. That would have been his future. Drugged and hooked up to machines to keep him alive, but never alive. Taking his blood whenever THEY wanted. Taking as much as they desired. Sometimes just to see how far they could take it without killing. Feeding tubes.

It would have been worse than any cage Elijah could possibly imagine. He would have felt everything around him and yet nothing.

“Is- is that the future I have to look forward to?” asked Elijah, suddenly feeling not too well.

Andrew only shook his head. “No, Elijah, that was a future that is no longer a possibility. Because of the paths you have chosen, a new future has been made for you. Understand, that the future is never truly set. It can be altered--it can be changed.”

“What is my future now?” Asked Elijah.

“That is not for me to say. I can only tell you that in a life’s journey it is a part of being alive to suffer great losses and great pain so that you can also feel great joy and happiness too. That is the way of life. So that you can find your way home at the end of it.”

“I am immortal--I shall live forever. What happiness can be found in that?”

Andrew only laughed and shook his head. “Trust me, Elijah. Death does not care if you are eternally young and immune to disease. When it is your time-- I will come for you. No one, no body of flesh lives forever. Only the soul does and that belongs to God.”

Elijah swallowed. “So I will die someday?”

Andrew shrugged. “Not for a long time. A very long time. You have much to live for, and much to do before that day comes.”

Elijah turned to the angel once more and wanted to speak and found he couldn’t. He swallowed hard and tried again.

“Does God know?” He couldn’t say anymore.

Andrew only leaned back against the chair and focused his attention on the crucifix.

“Humans are a strange lot. They ask for judgment and fairness, and yet they are the worst to judge and make pronouncement over the fate of another. They say that God is the true judge, but very seldom do they allow him to make the judgment. Or if God does, they see it in their eyes that he didn’t have all the facts and that the human race should correct it. When, in fact, it is the human race that does not know all the facts. A very old, wise friend

of mine once said, and I think he wrote it in one of his books: ‘That even the most wise cannot see all ends.’ Human beings think they know so much more and the demand for justice and what is right should be upheld by them alone. But what is right and wrong and what is justice, Elijah, cannot be made by man. Only by God. God is the last to judge. He loves his children. Unconditionally and forever. He does not set limits and put 'ONLY if you do this for me' at the top of his list. He does not look at a Catholic and say 'ah, you shall inherit the kingdom of God, because you are Catholic' Or Jewish, or Baptist. God has no religion in heaven. He does not place people in certain heavens either on the amount of goodness that they do on earth or by their religion, color of skin of their flesh. There is only one God, one heaven. A place for all beings that he holds dear in his heart. Whether they be Black, Japanese, or little green men on Mars. As for how many good deeds you do in this life, Elijah, heaven is not about how much good you do, or how much good you give. No matter what you think you do in this life. No matter who you are. No one, can reach the final place to God. Everyone has a certain step that they stop at. Some reach higher than others. Some only go a few steps. But that is when God bends down and pulls you all the rest of the way to the top. His compassion, his mercy, is to give you what he wants, not what you want.”

“I think I understand what you are saying, but I am--I’m in love with Dominic and he is another ahem--man. The Bible says it's wrong. That to so many religions it is an abhorrence.”

“The Bible is a format which humans were meant to use as a book to help them in the dark days in their own individual lives. They have construed it and changed it many times throughout the course of history to read how they think--how they think it should be. Yes, the Bible is meant to inspire and help those who need it to heal and find peace. To find God. It is the foundation that God wished to share to all humanity. To bring them hope and faith that good in the end will triumph. That there will be a day of peace. But that is all. It is not an Almighty judgment book. God will make the final judgment, certainly not mankind. Right now, you must know God does not sit in judgment over you. He loves you, Elijah. He believes in you. He knows everything there is to know about you. Do you know why…because you were from his vision, his mind--his creation.”

Shaking now, and unable to stop, Elijah tried to hold himself even tighter. Andrew pulled Elijah into his arms and held him.

“God has not abandoned you. It is only mankind that abandons him. He will never leave you. And he does not care if you are gay, bi, or straight. Catholic, Jewish, or whatever. He loves you. He has sent me to tell you this. He will always love you.”

“But where did I get this blood from? Who am I really, Andrew?”

“That is something that you will learn in all due time. All things will be revealed. Have faith.”

Pulling gently away, Elijah sniffled, starting, for the first time in days to feel a little bit better, and even perhaps happier. When he went to wipe his eyes with the back of his sleeve jacket, he looked up and was shocked to find that the man was gone. The pew was now empty. The church still glowed with candles, but now was silent.

Outside, the wind blew and the snow continued to fall.

Elijah bowed his head and began to pray.

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…”

***

Dom refused to enter the church building. No, he was not going to enter it. He would just wait until Elijah came out. Even if he turned blue in the meantime.

“That’s right, let’s just stand here in the freezing cold. That makes much more sense doesn’t it, baby boy. Could have sworn you had more common sense then that.”

Dom turned in horror to see a figure move from around the church. It was a woman dressed in a big coat with a red woolen scarf with a matching hat and gloves. She was an older woman, having black skin. She was slightly heavy-set and yet, she still seemed to have an aura of beauty about her.

Dom’s mouth dropped open. It was not the mere fact that the woman had come out of nowhere but that he recognized the woman. He gulped.

“Nana?” He finally gasped out loud.

The woman clucked her tongue, and moving forward, closed his mouth by pulling his chin up.

“You never change. Look at you, you're not even covered decently. I swear sometimes you could drive one up the wall.”

It can’t be. “It’s not possible--”

“Really? Why not?” she asked in an equally annoyed voice as Dom's.

“You died?”

“And what moron told you that?”

Dom paused and tried to think where he did hear that. No, he had only made that up. While at boarding school. When Nana never came to see him. She had to have died because if she was still alive, then all those years--all that love she gave to him hadn’t been real.

“Now that is just silly thoughts. As usual. You still try to wrap yourself up in those foolish conjured up fantasy worlds that couldn‘t hold water. Dreaming and putting things all into YOUR perspective. All under your control. Ha! It is me, Nana. Nana Tess. The one that cared for you the first eight years of your life. A blessing for me, although--at times” She looked heavenward. ”Trying--very trying and I am not doubting your wishes, Dear Lord, but there were times when I tried to figure out the whole purpose of being in that little boy's life, when his no-good father should have been hanged--” She paused as if listening to something and then she stopped and looked back at Dom. “Sorry, back on the subject. You. I will do what I am told. So here I am.”

“I don’t understand,” Dom thought he did and he really didn’t want to.

“What do you think, baby boy. I’m an angel. Sent by God to give you a message.”

Dom swallowed. His eyes narrowed and became harsh. “I don’t believe in God.”

“Well, whether you believe in him or not, he believes in you. So you just close your mouth of yours and I can say what I am suppose to tell you.”

“Forget it!” Dom turned away from the woman and started down the hill. Elijah would come back to the Inn when he was ready as for him he had enough and was getting out of here. He stopped dead when the woman stood in front of him. But--she was--how did she--

“Now you listen to me, Baby boy, and you listen real good to me. I am only going to say this once and you will listen. Whether you want to know this or not--God exists and he loves you.”

Dom felt frozen in place. He wanted to run, he wanted to flee. He couldn’t move. He tried to close his eyes and his mind but found his ears were listening to the woman without his will being respected.

“He loves you more then I love you at the moment. I treasured those years I spent with that sweet lonely little boy. The little boy I took to services every Sunday. The little boy I read to from the Bible. The one that said his prayers every night before he got into bed. The little boy that I told him that God would never leave him. Like his father, like his mother did.”

Dom swallowed, and he couldn’t help it. The tears came to his eyes. No! No it wasn’t true. No one loved him. No one ever really loved anyone.

“You can try and shut out the truth and the words, but you will hear them. I was only sent to be a part of your life for a short time. In our lives there are some people who we will come across that will journey with us for a long time and sometimes only briefly. It doesn’t mean that when they leave they stopped loving you. I never stopped loving you, baby, and I thought of you often. I even prayed for you. Yeah, especially around your graduation. You really screwed up then didn’t ya.”

Dom shrugged.

“You had to choose your father’s side. Why did you do such a stupid thing? Like your father deserves any real allegiance from you. Your father may be rich and powerful but he is not as powerful as God and if you had put your belief in him instead--to the real father that has always been there for you, baby,--things would have been so different. instead, you took sides--the wrong side. And that had consequences that you are still paying for and will continue to do so. You cannot control everything. And most certainly not one of God‘s other babies. That sweet dear little boy, Elijah. The one you desired to control, smother, beat into your submission. That is not love. That is conquest. You still have much to learn about Love--real love.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Dom could think to say.

“Sorry does not change the past. However it can change the future. Your future with Elijah.”

Dom felt himself cringe inwardly. She knew?

“Of course I know, I may not have been a full part of your life, but I did check in once and in awhile. After all, someone had to push that student into Elijah that caused him to lose his books. So that you could pick them up and make a new friend.”

Dom paused and remembered how Elijah and he had met. High school days, He had just arrived and was new to America. He had spotted Elijah while smoking a fag and then saw the boy lose all his books when a student had slammed into him. The books went flying.

Seeing the other students laugh and move on, Dom had felt sorry for the kid with the faded old jeans and second-hand shirt. Putting out his cigarette, he had hurried over to help the boy.

Dom returned to the present and stared at the woman in disbelief.

“Yeah, baby. That was a good day, wasn’t it? The next four years were a joy for you both. Two dear friends together. Although, you did do some underhanded stuff. You had nothing to fear, baby. You didn’t have to do those things. Elijah wouldn‘t have left you for some someone else. Friendship with him was unconditional. As is God’s love.”

“Why--Why are you here? Now?” Dom asked.

Tess only smiled at him, her tone softening and becoming lighter. “You're lost, baby. In the dark, like a child in the night. More lost than that precious baby in there.” She pointed to the church. “Because he at least has his faith, while you lost yours long ago.”

“I had to, Nana--I had to survive. It was the only way. That’s how the real world works.”

“No, that is how you made it work. Believing and having faith is how you and people survive. So that when the pain and loss comes, you can find the strength to bear it all. Faith is what helps us to make it through each day. To not slit our wrists or swallow those inviting bottle of pills.”

“Oh please!” Dom spat back, he felt the anger take over within him and he let it out. “So, you're telling me God’s plan is to allow kids to die by some gang shoot out, that some homeless man deserves to die in the cold, that war is a necessity, and that when a baby dies in some garbage can that it is all God’s plan! Well, if that is then I want no part of it! Or a part of him and you!”

The woman’s eyes changed now, becoming angry, yet she still held tempered control.

“God does not take the life of a child, or a woman, or any man out of spite or anger. It is humanity that takes the life of each other. It is GOD that picks up the broken pieces. The choices that man makes causes the effect of what happens to a person’s life. The pregnant single mother afraid her parents will throw her out of the house, therefore throws the baby in the garbage can. The Gang member who is angry because some other man has his ex-girlfriend decides to get his revenge. That homeless man is in the cold because his home burned down when he smoked a cigarette and fell asleep before putting it out. Cause and effect. What we do in this life causes what will happen. If you break the speed limit, expect to deal with the consequences of your actions.”

“What about the people that die from cancer, MS, disease? They didn’t deserve a death sentence like that. How do you explain that then? How come God allows that?”

“Because God doesn’t see death as a punishment or a judgment--he sees it as his children coming home to him. Death is not the end, but the beginning. It is the ones that are left behind that must endure--”

“Like my mother? Was it because of who I am, that God decided to have that truck run that stop light and kill my mother and take her away from me, all the while having the last laugh in letting me live?”

“Oh you are pushing the limits, baby boy. You know that thou shall not tempt the Lord thy God. He did not take your mother’s life--the drunk driver of the truck took her life. God could not stop that truck driver from drinking and driving and doing what he did. IT is called FREE CHOICE, but he was able to stop you from having your life taken.”

“Again, so he can have a last laugh on me.”

“No, because it was your mother’s dying wish. She pleaded with God to her dying breath to let you live. That she would die willingly if he let you live. Believe it, baby--for he meant to take you that day as well.”

Dom swallowed and shook his head. “No, that‘s not true. My mother would have wanted me with her.”

“Yes. It is true. God wanted to take you both that day. So that you could have an eternity of love in his kingdom and not suffer the pain and feeling of loss and emptiness that you have suffered since. But God granted her dying wish. Because your mother loved you, because God loves you. By doing that, God allowed many good things to come to pass. That he didn’t have to.”

“What do you mean?” asked Dom.

“Meeting Elijah that is the one thing that gave God the greatest joy and pleasure. To bring you two boys together.”

Dom now glared at her. “No, What I am--what Elijah is not acceptable. We are sinners against God.”

“That is what the human race says--not what God says. You and Elijah and every living person on this planet--are His children. Good, bad--all of them. And he loves you all, unconditionally. He does not hate you, Dom, because you were a baby that could not save his mother. He does not hate you because you gave up on him, or that he didn’t have your father love you like you wanted. God, does not hate you because you are Bisexual or Gay. He just loves you. He will always love you. Real love, not sexual, not physical, but real honest-to-good love, that has no end. No matter how much you scream, no matter how many times you turn away from him. He will still love you. He will still wait for you to turn back to him. To put your trust in him.”

Dom tightly closed his eyes fighting against the tears. The wind and snow seemed to have stopped around him, all was silent. Only Nana and he existed.

“No,-- don’t believe that he hates me--they all blame me for living--for my mom dying. I know that!”

Tess moved forward and took Dominic into her arms. She rocked him gently and Dom felt like a little boy again who fell off his bike and skinned his knee. Tess had been there to pick him up. She had made him get on that bike again and again until he learned to ride it. Later that day, they went to get ice cream. For a brief time, he had believed that she alone loved him. But then she left, and he was alone.

“No baby. That is all in your own mind. Your mother loved you, even your father loves you and Elijah loves you. But most above all, God loves you and He does not blame you for the past. You were never alone. What is done is done. But you can change the present. You can change what is to come.”

Pulling slightly away, Dom looked up into her eyes.

“What is to come?”

“The choice of whose side you want to be on. Already, it is raging inside of you. Ever since the fair. Yes. You are already beginning to sow the seeds of betrayal in your own mind. Trying to make yourself believe that in the end it would be the best thing to give Elijah over to your father. That is a lie. A time will soon come when Elijah will need you and he will need you to be on his side. The outcome of this will free your mind and your soul. Forever.”

Dom didn’t understand what she meant, but he knew he would try to remember it.

“Do--do you know if we--I mean, that Elijah and I are meant--that--”

Tess only smiled and put her hands gently on each side of his face. When she spoke it was filled with love.

“When you love something let it go and if it loves you in return it will come back to you. A time shall come that you and he will part. For a time, I promise it will not be the end. When God closes one door somewhere he will open a window.”

Dom sniffed. “I hate that movie line.”

Tess laughed. “But it is true. That time however is not yet to come. You still have much time to spend with Elijah and with the friends you are now making.”

Dom sighed. “Jericho hates me--”

Tess only shook her head.

“Jericho is only acting all big and bad. A protective older brother watching over Elijah. As a family, we always protect those we love. In time, his feelings will change and soften. Give it time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

“It did burn in one night.”

“Don’t get smart with me, baby,” replied Tess hotly, but with little bite. “Better?” she asked, handing him a dry hanky.

Dom wiped at his eyes with it and sighed. He had to be honest. He did. A little, but he also felt exhausted.

“Well, I guess my message has been received.” She moved to turn and Dom reached out for her. He clutched at her red scarf. She paused and turned back to Dom with eyes that were filled with sadness.

“Please don’t go, Nana. Stay with me.”

Removing the scarf from around her neck, she placed it gently around Dom’s neck.

“I have to go for now. I won’t ever be far away, baby boy. When you pray to God--I will be listening with him. I’ll also be praying for you and for that dear sweet baby inside. You take care of him now. He‘s going to need you very soon.”

He blinked as he held the scarf around his neck. Though the snow was coming down again and the wind blew the scarf felt warm, inviting--welcoming. He felt at peace. For the first time in his life. When he looked up, all in the span of a second or two, the woman was gone. Had she been here at all?

Holding the red scarf in his hand, Dom knew what had happened indeed been real. Nana had come back. And she said God existed and God loved him. Even if he was in love with another man.

God still loved him. He also remembered something else. Elijah will need you-- Me.

Dom went to reach for the door of the church; the door, however, already opened and a young figure stepped out.

“Dom.” Surprised, Elijah met blue-gray eyes and Dom stared into two bright blue eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments and then. Dom reached out and, taking Elijah’s hand into his own, he pulled him into his arms. A moment later, their lips touched.

Hand in hand, they headed back to the Inn.

***

Through the church's stained-glass window, the angels watched the two boys leave. Andrew held Tess’s hand.

“I hope they make it, Tess.”

The woman only laughed at Andrew. “Oh, come on, Angel boy. They will. God has this well in hand.”

Together, they turned to see the Chorus had returned. All aglow, they stood waiting with baited breath and Tess moved towards them.

“All right--let’s take this from the top, shall we. You know what song I want to hear. Sing it for him!” And they began to sing.

***

Jericho was worried. It was nearly midnight, and they weren’t back yet. He looked at his watch and then back out the window. Billy and Natasha had long since turned in, but Jericho would not sleep if he didn’t know that Elijah was back where he belonged. Safe and sound with him.

“Excuse me.”

Jericho paused and turned to see a beautiful young woman staring at him. She was dressed all in white and had beautiful dark auburn hair. She was more than beautiful. In her hand she held a candle. He gulped when he realized she was also glowing.

“Hello, Jericho. My name is Monica. Monica that is M. O. N. I. C. not K with an A at the end.”

He blinked and rubbed at his eyes, she was still glowing.

“I am an angel sent by God to give you a message.”

Oh, boy, Jericho thought. I died and didn’t even know it.

“No, you haven’t died. But a bit of your heart has. You have grown bitter and harsh and if you are not careful you will fall into the trap that Dominic did.”

He looked at her in confusion. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t be like Dominic Fletcher; the guy was a bastard. A filthy, lying bastard out to hurt Elijah.

“Hear my words, Sean--Not Jericho. All that has come to be has a reason and a purpose. You can be a part of it or separate from it all. You can be a guardian and a protector. You can also be a friend. Stop judging. Only God can judge those around you. If you continue to allow the anger to poison your mind it will infect you and turn those you care about away from you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do not make Elijah choose between you and Dominic. Elijah loves you both. Dominic, whether you wish it or not, loves Elijah. If you allow it, you and Dominic can instead of being enemies, become friends, and in doing so--can become the protectors that Elijah will need in the future that is to come.”

“What--what is going to happen? What do you mean?”

“Someone is going to die that Elijah loves. I can say no more, for I do not know all things, nor who it is that shall soon die. He will need you and Dominic to survive this. If you do not stand together, if you choose to divide Elijah’s loyalty to you or to Dom. Two will die.”

“I don’t understand.” Replied Jericho.

“God loves you, Sean. Open your heart and let it lead you to where you belong. Put away the anger, and the fear and hate. Trust Elijah. His heart speaks true.”

“So God, wants me to allow them--to be?”

Monica smiled, happy that he could at least understand that much. “Yes. Rejoice, Sean--for this Christmas you have found a long lost sister, a cousin and two friends. A family to spend this joyous time.”

“Monica, who are we really? What does our blood make us? Please, my father--?”

But Monica was already leaving; she was making her way to the door. She paused to look back at him. “All that you ask will be revealed in time. Fear not, for when all hope is gone, the light will shine its brightest upon all of you.”

Just like that, she was gone. Seconds later, the door opened and two shivering figures entered the foyer. Jericho bit down the anger that rose to his tongue. Instead, he just stared. Watching.

Elijah was removing his jacket and Dom was doing the same. When they had taken off the wet boots, they finally turned to each other. Dominic seemed to have a twinkle in his eye as he pointed above. Elijah looked up and saw a mistletoe. He blushed. Dom moved in and then there lips were touching. Jericho smiled then turned and headed up the stairs. He paused when he saw Natasha in her white PJs.

Looking down with a smile and happy expression on her face. She looked like she was on the verge of jumping up and down and squealing like some little girl. He shook his head and grabbed her gently by the shoulder.

“Come on, munchkin. Let's give them some quality time alone.”

Natasha only giggled. “They're so cute together. Don’t you think so?”

Jericho chuckled, though he didn't say anything. When he put Natasha back into her room, he paused to look down the stairs to see that they were now just holding each other's hands.

Staring deep into each other's eyes. They spoke no words, and yet one could see how in silence they spoke of their love for each other.

Jericho turned away and headed into his room. He closed the door softly behind him.

To no one’s surprise, the snowstorm was over by morning. By the afternoon, the roads were clear enough to drive. By nightfall, they arrived at Jane’s farm in Maine.

Jane was there to welcome them all home, including the newest member, Natasha.

****

***

Elijah was the first to awaken on Christmas morning. He was delighted to see all the presents under the tree. Even some he hadn't noticed before going to bed. Making himself some coffee, Elijah paused when he saw a slip of paper next to his mug. A phone number was written out clearly. It said, 'Call this number, Elijah. From a Friend.'

Picking up the paper, Elijah went to the phone and dialed the number. A few minutes later a voice came over the phone.

“Hello.”

“Mom?”

“Elijah--baby, how did you get my number in the hospital? I only just got checked in yesterday.”

“Ah…” Elijah swallowed and he felt his eyes mist over. “Oh, mom. I miss you, most of all today of all days.”

“Oh, baby. I’m sorry--I am so sorry we aren’t together. I love you, sweetheart. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, mom.” Elijah felt the tears fall from his eyes but, this time, he could feel a bit of warmth spreading into his chest. “Christmas isn’t the same without you.”

“I know. We all chose sides, didn’t we--I’m sorry for that too.”

Elijah nodded and then remembered his mother couldn’t see him nodding on the phone.

“I’m sorry too, mom.”

“Baby--I didn’t get you a Christmas present this year, but perhaps next year, I will have a nice present for you.”

Elijah swallowed. He started to put it together. Saxon and his mom were meant to be. God had wanted it. His mom was in the hospital.

“I’m pregnant. Next year you may just have a new little brother or sister to hold.”

Elijah wondered if this new baby would be special like him or be like Jericho or even like Natasha. Or perhaps this baby would be something altogether different.

“I hope so, mom. I hope someday will all be together as a family again. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Elijah.”

***

That Christmas in December of 1993 everyone received delightful presents, and Elijah was in high spirits with all the things he was given and the friends and family that were with him that day. The best present of course had already been given to him that morning. He did not know what the future would bring, but for today he was happy and at peace.

The End.

Author’s Note: Christmas Songs used.

Blue Christmas

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

My Grown up Christmas List

Home For The Holidays

Silent Night

All Through the Night

Hark The Herald Angels Sing

Mary’s Boy Child