CBS, seemingly void of ideas for reality-themed game shows, has joined with the Summer League for a game show chronicling the race to the Spit Cup. The show will use the elimination format of their popular The Amazing Race show, where in each leg of the race, players follow clues and route markers that lead them around the globe, navigating through Road Blocks and Detours, trying to avoid elimination by being the last team to arrive at each leg's Pit Stop.

Voice of the narrator, as he goes over the race highlights: The race began with the players racing down the carparker hill at Twin Orchard Country Club in Long Grove, IL. The first ROADBLOCK involved players parking a series of cars, and then breaking into a locked car.

Voiceover from contestant Bob Taterka: Considering my consecutive carparking streak, I thought it was a good omen that we started with carparking.

Voiceover from contestant Steve Swinea: Parking cars? If I'd know we were going to be doing that, I wouldn't have worn this shirt with the holes in the armpits!

Voiceover from contestant Greg Nims: I was going well parking the cars, then I had these flashbacks to 1994 when I dropped a slim-jim into SKYLIN ... man, I can still here that slim-jim rattling around in the door.

Narrator: Prepared from the start, despite starting from the 9th position, Chris Klein finished the first ROADBLOCK ahead of everyone.

Voiceover from contestant Chris Klein: Be prepared for anything ... a good motto for the Boys Scouts, for scouting in the SL, for drafting in the SL, and for playing SL games. And especially good for The Amazing Playoff Race. That's why I always carry a doorstop, butter knife and ruler along with me.

Narrator: Each leg of the race has one FAST FORWARD, which allows the player who wins it to proceed directly to the next PIT STOP without having to do any further tasks, including DETOURs or ROAD BLOCKs, on the way. The trick is that only the first player to find the FAST FORWARD on the leg may use it; any subsequent player who finds it will have wasted their time and must go back and complete all tasks. In addition, a player may claim only one FAST FORWARD during the entire race. Keith Klein won the first FAST FORWARD with his selection of Barry Bonds.

cut to the opening credits ...

Narrator: In this, the final episode of the 2003 season, the players that remain include Bob Taterka, Steve Swinea, Keith Klein, Chris Klein, and Dave Basler, and they will complete the final four elimination legs of the race as they head to different PIT STOPS. As we begin, the players leave the previous PIT STOP and head to Greeley, CO.

Bob: The PIT STOP involved hooking up with someone in CO. I was trying to get some action from the time I got to the car rental place. I had an alliance with Steve Swinea that I thought would serve me well, as I could keep track of him ... and the other three guys in the race had brought women on the trip with them. I thought I definitely would get some action then after Ken's wedding, but the bridesmaids all exceeding my weight limit of 110 pounds. So Steve steals the car we were sharing one night and heads up to Wyoming to try to hook up with someone. Later on I heard he broke a rule by going into Wyoming, but we conceded that neither of us know the rules very well. Well, supposedly he hooked up with a girl he called shy Anne. I was eliminated. But at least I beat Greg Nim.

Narrator: The next elimination leg was a race to West Des Moines, IA. Steve Swinea, having maintained a large lead throughout most of the race, was the only contestant with a FAST FORWARD available to him. While the others had to complete the assorted tasks, DETOURS and ROADBLOCKS on the way to West Des Moines, Steve flew on ahead and arrived at the PIT STOP first.

Voiceover from Keith Klein: I had an alliance with Chris, but that didn't work out in the end. He pulled some maneuver in Lincoln, NE, driving 10 miles out of the way to get gas at a Mobil station, and I had to leave him behind. I think he ended up in Wilber. Anyway, I was cruising along, but had to stop in Council Bluffs when Justin needed to make his own pit stop. Wouldn't you know it, we're waiting and waiting and waiting, then two seconds after he finishes, Fletcher decides he has to go too. I lit up western Iowa trying to make up the lost time, but to no avail.

Narrator: With three contestants left, the second-to-last elimination leg is a race to the town of Honest.

Voiceover from Dave Basler: I figured I had the best chance of the three of us, considering my knowledge of WSP. You just take a left at South Syrinx ... well, I don't want to get into it. Anyway, Steve and I both couldn't schedule a time to complete our head-to-head ROADBLOCK, then Steve gets some outside help from a guy named Roger Cedeno ...

Steve: If I may, Dave, I was conditioned to asking for help from Mr. Cedeno. I did not know that the amount of help I could ask for had changed.

Dave: I have never been in this race before, but this was your third time.

Steve: If I may, Mr. Basler, your reaction after the help I got signified to me that you would not have done anything differently, so from what I inferred, you weren't even thinking it was a rule break. I mean, really, someone at the game once asked me if John Olerud should tag up from first base on a fly ball. If that doesn't prove my point, I don't know what will.

Dave: What?

Steve: I'm saying The Amazing Playoff Race is an inconsistent game, with different rules for different parts of the game. And I know by your reaction at the time that you were okay with the help I got from Mr. Cedeno ... your exasperation was with the help he gave me, not with the fact that I got his help in the first place. So whether I deliberately cheated or not, I know in my heart of hearts that I should have been allowed to continue.

Dave: I don't care. Blessed be the honest.

Steve: You and I can replay the race on our own sometime.

Dave: Go scratch.

Narrator: With Chris Klein and Steve Swinea the two remaining contestants, the two embark on a journey to New York City.

Chris: The best way to get to the finish line was by way of Curacao. Anyway, when I got into the city, I just took the BQE.

Steve: I was travelling along, then someone suggested Indiana has really good strippers, I mean, gas prices. I was behind when I got to New York, so I thought I could make time on the Van Wyck.

Chris, as he arrives first at the final PIT STOP: Nobody beats the Van Wyck.

cut to the closing credits ...

Fade out.