NOW FOR SOME JOKES:
Men are Like... (Click on underline words to see the answer as needed)
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POPCORN NEWBORN BABIES |
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Understanding Women's Vocabulary (from a woman's point of view)
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start here --> " Fine " " Five Minutes "
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" Go Ahead " (with raised eyebrows) " Go Ahead " (normal eyebrows) " It's Okay " (while touching you)
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Top 5 Reasons God Created Eve
5. Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for
directions.
4. If the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain
and discomfort of childbearing.
3. Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in
the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head,
and said,
"I can do better than that!"
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Learn CHINESE in 5minutes
(Click
on arrow for translation)
Small Horse --> Stay out of sight. --> I got this for free. -->
Do you know the lyrics to the See me A.S.A.P. --> Your body odor is offensive. -->
Our meeting was scheduled for next He's cleaning his automobile. --> I am not guilty.--> You are not very bright. -->
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<--
Are you harboring a fugitive?
<-- I think you need a facelift. <-- Has your flight been delayed? <-- I thought you were on a diet. <-- This is a tow away zone. <-- They have arrived. <-- Did you go to the beach? <-- It's very dark in here. <-- Please, stay a while longer. <-- I bumped into a coffee table. <-- Stupid Man |
DUMB @$$e$
Dumb @$$ #1:
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car
phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone. He told the
guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper, and wanted to
buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
Dumb
@$$ #2:
A 21 year-old man walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their
squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood.
When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him
for identification. Gaitlan gave them his driver's license. They entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan. Information on the screen
showed him was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis,
Missouri.
Dumb Blonde Jokes
What did the blonde say when
What do blondes and beer
What happened to the blonde
What do you call it when
What do you do if a blonde
A blonde is going to
London on a plane.
What do you call a dumb blonde
What did the blonde say when she saw
How do you make a blonde
Why did the blonde stare at
What does a blonde say when How do you drown a blonde?--> |
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<--How can you tell a blonde has had a bad
day? <-- How do you confuse a blonde? <-- What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? <-- How do you amuse a blonde for hours? <-- Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? <-- What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? <--Why do blondes like tilt steering? <-- What do you call a blond with a brain? <-- How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax? What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?<-- Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? <-- How does a blonde try to kill a fish? <-- What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common? <-- What is a brunette between two blondes? <-- How do you get a blonde dizzy? <-- Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money? <-- What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
<--
Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
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OUCH but funny
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into
an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.
They then get to meet their maker, and because of the
grief they have experienced,
he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up,
and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I Want to be gorgeous,"
and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in
line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down
the line, the last guy in line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing
his but off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his
wish will be. The Guy calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again"
WHY IS IT.....
It's laundry day and
you start down the hall and notice
the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...
BUT FIRST
BUT FIRST
BUT FIRST
I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the
window,
notice my poor
flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the
remote for the
TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...
BUT FIRST
BUT FIRST
BUT FIRST...
I think I'll check my e-mail
END OF DAY:
Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the
sink,
bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote
control...and,
when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today,
I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious...I'd get help...