List of Chris Isaak-isms as best as this old brain could remember. It was fun, kids.
Posted by Kristina
Dateline, Denver, CO. 05.22.99
You Can Never Go To Far
I had a really good day. I made a bet with my Supervisor and won. He said if I could close twelve issues, he would give me his pants. Needless to say, I have a new pair of pants, and this is so damn cool on so many levels. Yeah, I'm crazy, but you can never go to far.
Welcome To The Fillmore
I get a stamp. I wander the place. I find a bar. I score a Cape Cod. I make a mental note that the bar is a highlight. The Fillmore is a big box. There's a dance floor in the middle and seats raised around the floor, turning the floor into a pit. I wander some more. I buy a T-shirt and Poster. Cool. I put it at the coat check. I make my way close to the stage as I can, but it's still pretty far. I'm just a girl, but I have a decent view, about forty feet away.
Iris DeMent Plays
The opening act, her name was Iris. I only mention it because it's important later.
One Crushed Purple Velvet Suit Later
Hubba hubba hubba. He's wearing this crushed purple velvet suit with rhinestones making little stars and galaxies. He's wearing one of those ties that's not a tie, and breaks into a five song set.
Hotter Than Hell
The place is hot. Drinking always makes me hot, but this place with all these people around makes it worse. We're all ready to die. We're on our feet, and Chris is breaking into a sweat. "Well," he says, "I don't know if it's cool down there, but it's hot up here. That's okay. We've played a lot of bars. After a while, we just start taking our clothes off. Soon, we'll be stripped down to our boxers. I'll hear the jingle of car keys and here people say, 'That's more than I really wanted to know about him' and 'He looks bigger on TV'. That's all right. We're going to play a while."
Wicked Game
Oh yeah.
Get The Gist
"You can pay a doctor for this, but I'll just spit it out for free. No matter how bad your life is, it could be worse. You could be in the gutter rolling in degradation, rolling around to make it a little degradation bar, but it could be worse. You could be him." Points to his guitar player. "I think you get the gist. This is a gist getting crowd."
World Was On Fire
"I'm only going to ask one thing of the audience. I don't ask too much because people aren't here to work. Raise your hand if you're in a relationship. A deep committed relationship." People respond. "Good. All you people get outta the way. I'm looking for the ones not in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I'll be cordial and all, but just get outta my way, I have to get over there. But for those that are, imagine your loved one laying in a bed, sleeping. Their body, their little cherub face. Don't that make you want to.... go get some gasoline and douse them with it? Set them on fire and watch them run around the room screaming? Ah, I see I lost about forty percent of you there. I go too far sometimes."
Here's a Story
He strips off that coat, and drinks some water, then tilts his head back, spits this mouthful of water in the air and lets it crash back down on his face. Oh, yeah. You know what mama likes. "People think Denver is all about hiking and skiing. Well, it's about other things too. Like you can come home to your little log cabin, and find that your nice Hollywood size bed has been rumpled and it looks like a poodle died in there, with all these poodle hairs. So I take a butter knife and take some of those hairs, and hermetically seal them in an envelope and send them down to my friend in the Colorado FBI and the come back. It's not a poodle, but... goatee hairs." He turns and stares at the guitar player... the one with the goatee. "Mingled with an essence of Summer's Eve. Did I go too far with that one?"
Did Someone Say Mole?
"Way way back when in this state, before the retail stores were here, back where people worked hard, and tended the land, made self sacrifices, there was a time where the pioneers lived here. They would have guys come through town, and sell things, like pots and pans. Sometimes this man would come through town and provide the pioneer women with the most... primitive form of entertainment. Parcheesi? No. More primitive than Parcheesi. The woman would know this man because of his goatee and mole. But this wasn't an ordinary mole. It wasn't hairy or Somalia or anything like that. It would move. This ship of sin would roam all over the body in different places." Laughs. "I don't have a life. I sit at home and make this shit up."
Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing
"Guys, if you're having a discussion with your woman, you screwed up. You shouldn't be having the discussion. Immdeately take the blame. Say, 'I take the blame'. Then get down on your hands and knees, and look up at her with those big puppy dog eyes... and say Mistress... hey, that was her name! I had a girlfriend name Mistress. On your hands and knees, say, Baby, I did a bad bad thing."
Forever Blue
"I wrote this letter to an ex-girlfriend. I worked on it, used white out and made it perfect. But I never sent it. I made it into this song. As far as I'm concerned, she can buy the damn album."
Duet
Iris comes back out. CI: "I almost wore that exact same dress. What's the name of your album?" IRIS: "You Should. But you shouldn't wear this dress." CI: "Ah, don't underestimate how my legs would look in that dress." They sing. "How come the talented ones are shy? I have no talent and I'm up here, and I'm not shy."
Mmmmmmm. Hips.
After a few songs, he goes into the audience and pulls this woman out, and they dance on stage as he plays. He stops the song and tells her, "You've got to move your whole body. Well, at least your hips. Like this." Mmmmmmm. Hips. "Iris taught me that."
You Can Never Go Too Far
I got his autograph. As he signed, I said, "You can never go too far." He smiled back. "Ah, but I do go too far."
Oh yeah.
Kristina
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