Final Frontier - Sat. eve @ Konocti (Part V)

Posted by Blue Darlin'

Dateline: Saturday, February 26, 1999, Konocti Harbor Resort:

The show has ended and I'm still high from finally getting to stage-dance! And now it's time for the mingling and meet-and-greet. I gather up my stuff and go to the back bar with Minx. I want to hand out the rest of the gag gifts we bought earlier today.

The band members start trickling in, and I circulate the room, talking it up and handing out goodies. I walk up to Kenney and say, "We bought gag gifts for everyone in the band.....This one's for you, 'cause you're such a fine lookin' side o'Texas beef!" And hand him his special Texas smoked beef steak jerky stix thang. He looks at it and grins and gives me a big ol'hug, saying "Aren't you sweet! Thanks." We chat a little bit.

I try to sit and talk with Roly for a bit, but he is verrry popular that night, and it's hard to hang with him. I give him his gag gift (a "rooster tail" fishing lure) and he gets a big kick out of it. He says he's gonna make it into a necklace, after he cuts off the feather part. "No, you won't." "Yes, I will. I do. I make necklaces out of weird stuff. See this part? I'm going to cut this off and hang it on something." "Okay, cool." Although, the sentiment Minx and I wrote on the back said he was supposed to hang it on his @$$ and "shake your tailfeather", but, whatever!

Herschel (okay, I don't KNOW the correct spelling, so bugger off, willya?) asks me if I saw the 'gator (his gag gift) on stage that night. I had given it to him earlier in the afternoon at the soundcheck (uh, yeah, that would be the soundcheck I was thrown out of, hahahaha). I say, "No, I didn't even look for it. I was just having so much fun enjoying the concert...." "It was right there on my amp. You didn't see it?" "Nope. Sorry." But it was really neat knowing that he liked it and did put it up there! He didn't play the dobro on Saturday, though, I don't recall (help me out here, people?). Bummer. More dobro!!!

Ross was running about doing his Ross stuff (a thankless task which does not get the deserved appreciation), and had already stowed away his gag gift in his road kit, when he got it earlier that afternoon.

I forgot to give Doug his gag gift at all, and I felt bad about it later. We were going to give him "Super Sweets" cigarillo thangs (or something else too, I forget now). The theme was something Clint Eastwood, 'cause Doug is the strong, silent type, with that cold-cocked, ready-to-draw-the-gun-at-the-corral-gunfight star ("Hel-looo, Tombstone!" ;-)). I *think* he smokes....oh, well.

Brett's gag gift was a squirt gun. And I had wrote on the back of the card, "Use this the next time Chris tries to take over your keyboards again." Since CI had been doing that the past couple of nights -- the showoff :-). Brett got a big kick out of it, saying he was going to tape it to the bottom of the keyboard, and if CI came over to play, kapow! We had a good chuckle over that. So back off, Chris, and let Brett hammer on that Hammond by himself from now on! You've been warned!

Noticing that time was getting on, I went out into the front hallway to get an autograph and maybe a picture. I spot Miss Midriff (also fondly known as "Hooch"), regaling a gaggle of her friends in the hallway with her tale of being singled out by CI during the show. She's posing prettily in her over-aerobicized and over-exposed midriff (ooops, pardon my bitchery, my soft belly made me do it!;-)). I press on down the hallway.

The line is getting smaller and smaller, and I realize that I am missing one of the gag gifts for CI. So I find the Minx and go for the car keys, and then try to find the car. I'm tottering around in vintage pumps in a wet parking lot in the semi-dark to find a car with only vague directions (I wasn't in it when we parked), and I can't find the #@&$ing car!! And time is wearing on. Finally, I find it at the part of the parking lot I STARTED in - I stood right near it and said "Nope, that's not it." Not my car. How would I know it well? Arrrggghh. I head back for the lobby.

Now there's barely anyone left in line. I whip out a CD to have it signed, and then notice that it's ALREADY signed way inside, from another concert. Doh! So I have CI sign the two VIP passes from Friday and Saturday night's shows instead. He just puts his signature on them - they're not very big patches, anyway.

I'm a little nervous to talk to him, since I got the boot earlier that afternoon. I don't know if he truly recognizes my face or not. Friday night went so well, and I didn't think it would be possible to recreate that excellence! Minx and I had noticed that he was not in the best of moods that night, even though he was trying to hide it. It leaked out in little ways, though. During the concert, he made some comment to someone ("Hooch"?) to the effect of "You don't like it? Beat me, then. Go ahead and beat me. Oh, you'd probably like that." or something like that. Little aggressive things leaking out -- physical gestures, veiled comments, etc. Very subtle. You had to look for it. You could tell he wasn't *really* smiling, and that something was bothering him,that he was hiding it inside. (Blue eyes, cryin' in the rain?)

So, like a dope, I go for the gag CI gift presentation anyway. I plunk down a can of Easy Cheese (ya know, the spray-can kind) in front of him and say, "Chris, in case you have a night where the people just aren't gettin' the jokes -- here ya go. Just whip out the Easy Cheese!" Okayy, now this whole idea was cooked up in the afternoon, and it seemed really funny in the Rite Aid and driving around and all. We had plenty of chuckles over it (ok, esp. me). And I knew it was either going to really work or really fail. It failed. He looked quizzical for a moment and then moved on. Ehhhhh - game over. He probably thought I nicked it from the crappy buffet at Konocti. But, no. I bought it just for you, Chris. Oooops. Ya gotta pick your proper times for these things.

I buy a t-shirt (the black one with his gorgeousness on the front and the phone receiver on the back), but don't bother to get it signed. I have enough of those for now, and just want a virgin one to wear. And let me tell you, people, I was walkin' down on Market Street a week ago, and feelin' my heart skip a beat.....as everybody looked at that shirt! Jeez, I don't think I've ever gotten that much attention. Good pick, CI. I'm wearing your advertising (paid for by me twice over - tix and a shirt - how interesting) and spreading yourself out there, big-time!

Minx gets CI's autograph and gets to talk to him for a wee bit, once she gets her gumption up. I can see her from my place farther back in the line, and she's leaning over the table and touching his arm from time to time. She also gets a picture with him, but camera problems make it so she gets to take two pix with him, and hold onto him a bit longer. Lucky gal!

As an aside -- I got back all my pix this past weekend, and the Blue Darlin' joke pic with CI from Friday's Konocti concert, came out great! We are looking each other right in the eye and the setup is pretty funny. One roll of concert pix is excellent, and they will be submitted.

I forgot to give people in the band pictures they indicated they liked from the Warfield and Pantages concerts. Maybe in Tombstone. There was one real good one of Herschel in there.

I head back to the rear bar, and have some liquid refreshment and mill around talking to other BH'er's and concertgoers and band members. I had totally lost sight of Minx and Nobody in the photo crush (they were animals that night), and finally caught up with them later. Finally, CI comes in the bar, and I try to salvage my rep by heading over to give him his real gag gift, "Inspector Binocular". It's a disguise kit kinda thingie, and on the back I wrote something like "be sure to scope out the room for groupies (not us!) before entering -- use this". He looks at it and breaks into a big grin, yelping "Toys! This is great! Thanks!" and proceeds to hold onto it or show it around to people.

I forgot to mention that the night before I had asked him if he could wear the lady suit on Sat. night, and he says that he didn't pack it, he packed some other stuff instead. But at least he did wear the blue suit instead of my unfave, the purple one. He's so cool, because he really listens to and really cares about what his fans think and say to him.

At some point, because he's looked over a few times, I try to get Minx to go up and talk to him. I literally have to drag her over, and she is resisting, even though she wants to talk to CI. We meet up somewhere in the middle of the room, where he is talking to somone else. We wait, and then I introduce her, since she is also the gag gift giver. He's like, "You gave me this? Thanks."

Then we're talking to him, and he says to me, "What's wrong with your voice?" (I had laryngitis by Saturday, and not from yelling.) "I'm getting laryngitis." I reply.

Faster than a speeding bullet, CI uses his hands to make the sign of the cross at me and is then across the room in like 2 seconds. I swear I could seee little puffs of smoke comin' from his feet. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I am totally embarassed. Steee-rike three! You're out!! Game over! I just want to sink into the ground, because everyone saw it. He kinda made a big deal out of it. I didn't even get to tell him that the pharmacist said earlier that day, that it's not contagious. And now I've ruined it for the Minx to meet and chat with him.

And to make matters worse, a few evil girls in the room who have been watching his every move, are smirking and whispering about what just occurred. They completely misunderstood the body language which they just saw. Hello, people? I didn't proposition him. That's not my m.o., my intent, or my style. All I wanted to do was talk to him, And it was felled by my raspy, fishwife, laryngitis voice! Unfair! This form of public embarassment did NOT make my day.

I return to the table, totally dejected, and start to sulk, combined with all the other things that haven't gone right that day. I think being sick and overtired finally got to me. I act like a goober, and quietly sulk, nursing my drink, looking forlornly around the room now and then. People are disappearing left and right, and finally it's time to return to the bachelorette cottage with Minx and Nobody.....

Nobody leaves at some ungodly hour to go back to Sacramento to Catch the show the next night. I stay with the Minx and we roadtrip back on Sunday, having a good time despite the downers of the night before. I'm eating my heart out that I won't be using my Sacto ticket after all, but I'm feeling too sick and tired, and don't want to jeopardize my new, higher-responsibility day job. Ah, adulthood, ain't it grand?

We just happen to drive down the back road that goes by Konocti Resort and blow a big kiss as we go by the main entrance, wondering if the boys are still there in early to mid-afternoon time. Our thoughts were with Chris and the boys, wondering if they were sleeping, partying, laughing, chowin', or motorin' on the bus to their next performance for new CI&S converts!

This concludes the incredibly long opus of Homer's Iliad - oops, I mean the Konocti Memorial Weekend Tour, "Where the Boys Are '99: CI&S at Konocti". Thanks for tuning in for parts I through V of this "masterpiece of theatre"! (Not to intimate here that any of it is fabricated - it's all true - just ask the Minx or Nobody Special.) Thanks for sharing this "you are there" experience. If I do go to Tombstone, you can expect more of the same.Hope to meet y'all this summer if we are lucky enough to get a Konocti gig to attend!

Cheers all,
Your co-respondent, Blue Darlin'

Back to Reviews