CASTING CALL CHRISTOPH DOOM SCHNEIDER
RICHARD Z KRUSPE
PAUL LANDERS
Okay. We all know Rammstein are not actors. (Not really) Knowing Hollywood today, no one's gonna let our boys act. Thick German accents and lots of body hair is good, but not in today's Julia Roberts donkey-laughing entertainment industry. So some actual actors will have to portray them.
(It was a lot of fun making that banner. Maybe I'll make a long story like how they did on Rammstein Behind Closed Doors. Or maybe not. I'm lazy, but ambitious... if it's possible to be both.)
So... it's final. I have come up with the perfect actors to play Rammstein. They are as follows:
I know what you're thinking. "What? Those are both Christoph. NAW AW! On your left you see Creepy Thin Man from Charlie's Angels. This guy was in a couple other movies that no one gives a shit about, but he's not bad looking and if he can drink vodka like water, I'd say he has a good chance. Go Creepy Thin Man!
(I know Richard has a second last name but I don't feel like looking it up.)
Anyway.. the guy on the left played Cyclops in the X-Men movie. He's not bad looking. He was also in some shitty movies like "Sugar and Spice". Well... I think he's cool to play Richard. Besides, he's wearing a Clash shirt, so fuck you if you don't like it. *smiles innocently*
Gary Sinise was Lt. Dan in Forest Gump. I'd rather not comment about that movie. This was pretty much a give in. Duh Lutenan... I mean Gary Sinise would play Paul. They're both short with round faces and receeding hairlines.
TILL LINDEMANN
Peter Stormare (who was in Fargo, Armegedeondone.. and that new show with Elaine; "Watching Ellie") will play Till. I dunno. They both seem kinda dirty and hairy and stuff, so I thought it would be good. Neither of them shave much often. *shrugs* Ya know.
FLAKE LORENZ
Ryan Stiles is from "Who's Line is it Anyway?". Or you might know him from those life sized posters of him at Kinko's with the name tag that says Kenny. Anyway... I think he'd be a good Flake, don't you? He's long and skinny and has a big adam's apple. It'll be fine.
OLLI REIDEL
Horray, Olli Fans! By popular demand, Olli will be played by Vin Diesel. They look almost exactly alike, don't you think? Well, in any case, they're both bald and wear tank tops a lot. Thank god! I got to get rid of that stupid Tom Green pic!
Welp. That was it.