Arise, subside, arise, subside. These hormonal shifts are treacherous today, my conscious mind is a tiny pirate ship being tossed by an angry ocean. My eyes fill with tears one moment and I struggle to maintain control at work, the next I am filled with rage and anger, and the next I feel myself come back down to calmness. I am desperate to get out of here and go home. Home to cats, home to laundry, home to me myself and I, and home alone.



I've been thinking a great deal today about The Things I Want. Specifically, with regards to a partner and family-clan-tribe-unit-thing-thing. I can't focus very well though (see above re: pirate ship) and so I am just letting it flow along and for once not engaging in analytical obsession.



I do believe that the work will make me better, make me able to love more deeply, open myself more, have less fear, enjoy life more. Why else would I stick to it? The more I do this kind of truly introspective work, the less I have to fear. Of course, I also have very little to lose which helps a great deal with taking these sorts of risks.