Deborah Ivy Thorsos

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SOUR SWEET

Synopsis

My prognosis during my early childhood was very bleak due to deficits in auditory processing which made learning difficult. I wasn't able to learn through listening as most other small children do.  I was diagnosed with infantile autism since I wasn't able to communicate effectively with others and engaged in self-stimulatory activities.  Great effects were made with in-home tutoring and a special preschool to reach and bring me out of my world, but to no avail.  Despite lack of effective early intervention programs, I had hope with the love and support of my family.

It was when I attended a private school that I had made a major breakthrough which enabled me to talk and communicate more effectively with others.  Even with that accomplishment I continued to lag behind in socialization which had taken me many years to catch up.  What was the most challenging issue I had faced during my childhood was prejudice and discrimination by neighborhood schools and other children who had made fun of me.  This had hurt me much more than my actual disability, as I had learned to live and get around very well with autism by itself.  I had inspired to be just like my sister and brother who were older than me and didn't have the challenges that I had.

As a coping mechanism to deal with my problems whenever I had felt hopeless throughout my youth was to pretend that they didn't exist and buried my mind in the fantasy world--a big doll as my baby sister or attending a public elementary school with my friends--as examples.  It was too painful emotionally to face my problems directly.  This strategy of turning myself way from my problems, though had provided only temporary relief, was not only ineffective but prevented me from getting closer to real solutions.

To make my life enjoyable and to provide solace from my struggles, I had engaged in the visual arts--block building, Etch 'n Sketch, drawing, collages, and painting.  While I worked on my artistic projects my mind had become so occupied as to be taken off of the issues of my disability.  My mind had escaped into my pleasant creations that had reduced my stress levels. 

As I had entered adolescence, I had experienced regression in social skills and became more depressed.  Making friends from my neighborhood had become more challenging as I entered my teens as my teenage peers weren't out in the playground as much as the younger children where I had made friends during my childhood.  Other than my contacts in school, I was dependent on my parents and their friends for my social life.  I had difficulty of making friends on my own outside of school as my peers out grew toys and had developed complex social interactions which was more challenging to keep up with.  I was actually more isolated during my adolescence than my childhood.  My short attention span, due to a lag in auditory processing, was a hindrance in social development.

When I attended regular public high schools and college, I had become more mature and social as I was around my peers who were positive role models.  I still lacked self confidence and proficient social skills.  I wanted to make strides to improve in those areas as I still had long ways to go.  I had become motivated to develop academic skills along with artistic pursuits to compensate for my weakness in auditory processing and socialization.  I felt a need to prove myself artistically and academically to get ahead.  I had obtained a bachelor of arts degree in fine arts from the University of Maryland.

Throughout my life I had devised various means for stress reduction and relaxation to release the nervous tensions inherent in autism.  Since my teens, I engaged in physical exercise such as jogging and walking which were effective in calming my nerves along with toning up my body.  Listening to music also helped release nervous tension.  I also noticed a positive change in my disposition since I had experimented with diets and supplements that led to a wholesome vegetarian one that eliminated the foods that I had sensitivities to.  In addition to exercise and diet, I had during my adulthood begun prayer and meditation as effective means of calming my mind to view things in better perspectives.  I learned that the only effective approach to solving problems is to face the situation head on to work on which in the long run in much more effective in reducing stress.

With my involvement of clubs where I was able to meet people and improve my social skills, I had met a man with a physical disability whom I had been happily married to.  He had visual impairments due to surgeries to replace shunts to drain his brain fluid to his heart to repair the blockage in his drainage cause by a childhood illness.  Both of us had a mutual understanding of dealing with a disability which drew us very close together.

As I had learned to deal effectively with all sorts of people in volunteer and work situations, I became proficient in communicative and social skills and had gained a greater appreciation for all kinds of people.  With meditation that helped balance my mental, physical, and spiritual aspects enabled me to feel better about myself and others which afforded me enough confidence and courage to press my limits and make changes to benefit myself and others.  I was able to leave food service after working for twelve years to work for myself writing and drawing.

From my hardships of dealing with a learning difficulty and autism, I had learned to create value and had gained a great deal of tolerance and sensitivity to all peoples.  Since I had knew first hand of what it is like to be different, I couldn't turn away those who were different from me.  I had achieved victory in turning negative situations into positive ones to produce greater good for myself and others.  I had learned to be at peace with myself.  I had become to cherish diversity and to realize that I am just as good as anyone else.