Thinking like a man: Mom’s Girl Vs My Girl.

Why should I not marry the woman of my parent’s choice and yet be in touch with the woman of my choice?

Most men never have the courage to build an individuality of their own, let alone fight for it. Our personal choices, priorities, decisions are often propelled by another force, which are obviously factors external to our mind, heart and thought process, leading to build an individuality not quite our own but people’s expectations of us. The factors range from parents, relatives, colleagues, friends, neighbors, anybody and anything but me and my choice

There was something about her I liked always. Even before I realized what it was I had all the reasons supplied by so called external factors as to why I cannot have her or aim for her.

She does not belong to my religion, her father is a clerk in a Government organization while my dad owns a company, our moms are poles apart, one is an epitome of sophistication and another a religious freak, I lead the sales team of a leading IT firm and she works as an entry level consultant. I can get any woman I want and for that matter she can get any man she wants but not necessarily for marriage. An evaluation of my assets can be way above hers and her reach, her expectations.

For a while I want to concentrate on what it is about her that makes my heart skip a beat. Fair enough I have a weak heart and had been a regular splinter to skip, hop and jump often. A reality check makes me realize she is undoubtedly a nice girl. In spite of all she is not, I like her a lot.

What I stand to lose and gain if I marry her. She makes me feel important. So, in a matter of fact manner I realize, if I marry her that is all I gain. I don’t want to do an assessment of what I lose as it too much. I do not necessarily have to lose her and still enjoy her constant attention.

After exactly 3 months of my marriage with a girl of my mom’s choice, when the honeymoon drive has subsided and the daily rut is on, I can send her an offline or SMS her or call her to tell how different it was with her, ask her to meet me once for good old times sake, how I married out of compulsion, I could not risk my mom’s health by marrying against her approval, blame her for not giving her 100% then, for not being sure about me, offense is the biggest defense at times.

I can promise on a thousand things to tell her how indifferent I am to my wife’s existence, how she is sleeping like a pig (think princess) while I am here thinking of my long lost girl, sleepless, dreamless, lifeless in the middle of the night though tomorrow is Monday and I got to be in office by 9 A.M. She will buy my words and her attention would all be mine again.

I never had the guts to revolt against my family but heart of heart I know I love my wife too much and would love to see her bear my children, so each time I two time, my guilt makes me get her something special, a dinner, a weekend trip, a little of me, a little more sex, a pregnancy may be and life goes on.

Come what may, I will never leave my wife. I had a retarded individuality, was personality challenged, an identity crisis without my family, my job and my society. If I had the urge to let go off this comfort, I would have used that stamina the first time I needed it for the girl I loved.

….And another mistress is born, another extra marital affair conceived, another split life, another episode judged, another article written for Bangalore times on stealing spouses, all in the name of love. It was just a dirty game won by Importance.