There are two types of transition, transition by choice, and transition by force. Both sorts can be both exhilerating, exhausting and life changing. I am one big bundle of transition. In the four years of living in the San Francisco Bay area, I went through 7 homes, 3 cars (was without one for almost a year, that's another story in and of itself) 4 jobs, too many men that I care to mention and two universities. One good thing I can say is that I know all aspects of various Bay Area regions like the back of my hand...lived in Oakland, Pacifica, Concord, San Francisco, Santa Rosa, Back to San Francisco, my car and Richmond and finally am going back to the place where I was most happy, the town of Bakersfield, my home town (for those of you into jazz, listen to the lyrics of Jobim's Chega de Saudade, it fits me right now, plus it's a cool samba that I love to sing!) My ex (who works in the mental health field as well) is convinced that I'm bipolar...he may be right..not sure. But labels aside....
Let's talk about patterns and repeating them....
(damn guys...keep getting paged by guys who think I'm "purty", won't take "no" for an answer and yahoo won't let me be invisible...!) Kay, just closed the pager function. Whew! Damn what was I saying again? Oh, patterns....
My unconscious mantra while I was here was "if at first you don 't succeed, try the same stupid thing once more". I had in my mind for the bulk of the time I was in the Bay Area that I had to make it work, come hell or high water, no matter what...even at the cost of happiness, security, and genuine love. Silly girl. So I have made the first sound decision in a very long time.
Stop moving. The words of my mama still echo in my head, she always said in times of chaos "Be still". When I first heard her utter those words many moons ago in my youth, I had no idea what it meant and how profound the implication of that simple statement would have on my life. So, alas I move...but this time with direction and purpose.
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