I have never fancied myself a hateful person. I generally in years past, was thought of as a benevolent peace loving idealist who brought joy and positivity to the world (shut up Candace you say). But what I have discovered in recent times is Hate is a precarious little construct, a construct that only damages destroys and is progressive. What I mean by progressive is once you experience sincere hate (hey I think that's an oxymoron!)it makes it all the more easy to do it again...and with less effort or prompting....and eventually that hatred trinkles down to hatred of yourself...at a rapid, unyielding, relentless, horribible rate. Once this happens is when the real fun begins.
Now to speak in specifics I can truly say that I only have truly hated two people in my life, two exroomates. Now I'm not going to go into the whole diatribe of how unfair the situations I was subjected to or why, I started out trusting these people who eventually betrayed me...that would be taking the easy way out. I as well as the rest of humankind are responsible for how we feel and most importantly react to various stimuli in our environment. Hating in a conscious choice, it's not something that just "happens" on someone out of the blue like some insideous terminal disease. I know in my case, my hateful bout with these two individuals began with demonization. I couldn't stand their presence so I refused to acknowledge their existance (a fancy way of saying I ignored them) Ignoring someone is the worst thing you can do for self centered individuals and is an excellent way for them to start the hate cycle directed towards you. Demonization, begets more demonization, meaning...I built monsters in my head, making these people far worse then they probably were in real life, and I suspect they did the same with me. Well now, I proclaim to those who happen to read this as well as myself...DON'T HATE IT ONLY DESTROYS! Hate leaves an ugly trail of rancid refuse in it's path...
Currently...I no longer hate my two exroomates. I look back now and see that they had their own sort of pain and dealt with it as they saw fit. It may not have been something that I saw as appropriate or nice for that matter but the funny thing about humans is that we are all unique....and deal in different ways. And I do know, that I have gained so much....I could say more but don't want to at this point...will add more as I gain more insight..... |
