Apathy is an amazing and truly powerful thing, in either demonstrating it or being on the receiving end. Apathy is safe, numbing, and dangerous all at once. My experience with Apathy, once again is very similar to my experience with Hate. Meaning, once you demonstrate this onto others...you end up inflicting it onto yourself. Near the end of my saga (don't need to go into details for now) I ended up as a shadow of my former self. I was insensitive, uncaring to the feelings (or concern) for others and used the process of denial to not feel. I managed to alienate a lot of people during this phase...well meaning and concerned individuals. My pride, and fierce independence got the best of me and I ended up perpetuating a self fulfilling prophecy. By around the end of June 2001, I had decided, that people in general suck, for lack of a better phrase, that everybody only cared about themselves, people lie and can't be straight forward, and that I was going to play their game (not realizing at the time that I had been playing their game for the past few months myself...I was one of those people I despised). I had been embarking on a self destructive path for months leading up to the bottom that I hit at the end of June, and the way I see it self destruction=self apathy.
So to those out there that I inadvertantly hurt...sorry....I was a shmuck. |
