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a journal of a mothers love
February 1, 2003
February is one of my favorite months. It is the month of love, and so this month I will be focusing on all those who I love.
Ravi and I have talked about making special valentine cards, by hand. A friend of his did that last year with her mom
and they were absolutely beautiful! It takes time, so we are going to start on Monday.
We will buy the papers, then set it all out and decide what to do. Then we will start making them, maybe 4 cards a day, until we have
enough for our family and close friends.
Speaking of love, Priya's attachment to me has grown stronger each and every month since she came home in September 2001.
Now, she has been home 16 months. Today she spent much of her time sitting in my lap. She goes up and down, repeatedly.
There was a time where she wouldn't sit in anyone's lap without crying, and would be pushing away, arching her back
and making me very sad. The energy I have put into this child, is paying off. There have been times
where I felt all my efforts were wasted, and that she would never grow into this child who has love to return.
But now, I can see it was just a growing stage, and she was receiving it although I couldn't see. I think it is that way with many things involving children.
Even if we can't see the results, change is occurring, and in time, we will see that our hard work and loving attention wasn't overlooked.
I see this with Ravi every so often. He IS growing and changing, and best of all, he really wants to behave, and wants to see me proud of him.
It takes longer with some kids...but I believe it is worth the wait.
I thought I might share a description of my day with my kids. Priya starts with calling me, "Mommy, Pree get up now".
I lift her from the crib if she is sleeping there, kiss her and carry her to the diaper changer. She announces, "Pree w-het, Pree need dipey".
I change her diaper lovingly, and she tells me, "Mommy, I go baby potty". Baby potty is code for PLEASE DON'T PUT ME ON THAT ADULT POTTY! he he!
One time I put her there, since Lakshmi likes to use that one, but she had a fit, screaming and crying, so I took her off. I think she is scared she will
fall in! I think it happened to me as a baby, because I had that same fear for so long as a child! So Priya uses the small Bjorn potty and Lakshmi uses the toilet. Lakshmi doesn't like it when her feet hit the cold floor, so that is why she likes
the toilet. Priya proudly announces, "I did it, I tee tee...see mommy?...look at it!". She jumps for joy, and my heart soars because I know
she has a great deal of self esteem. I carry the Bjorn potty to the toilet, empty it, and Priya says, "Bye Bye tee tee, wheeeeeee!" , then she flushes the toilet,
complete with holding our quirkey toilet handle down till it flushes.
Priya runs (naked!) to see Raja, our border collie. Raja barks with joy, as Priya provides many hours worth of petting for Raja, and she is
his favorite person, next to me..the food provider. I take Priya to put a diaper on and we talk about lots of things. Usually however, she wants
to talk about food. "Eat!", "I wanna eat mommy". In her highchair, she shouts out, "sear e all" (cereal) mommy, bah nah-nah, milk!". Meanwhile Lakshmi
wakes up to the commotion in the house and toddles out to me. I pick her up and kiss her, tell her I love her, squeeze her into laughing.
"I wan eat too (musically sounding) momma". Together, Lakshmi and Priya eat their way through
the next hour...asking for "more dis peas" frequently. Ravi comes out, gets sent back to brush teeth, then comes back out. The house is in full motion now, and
we finish breakfast. This is my favorite time of the day. Everyone is fully rested, fully fed, and no one is cranky (yet)!
I start Ravi out with some work for his homeschooling. Every day he does spelling words, reading and writing poems. We also write letters to friends.
Alternate days he also does mathematics, science, geography, music and crafts. (We don't get to all of these every day, but try to touch on all each week).
We use the the Oak Meadow curriculum (OM), and just do things Ravi likes to do outside of OM. Also, in January, we studied about Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.
Anyway, Ravi gets started with his spelling words while the girls play. It is a big distraction to Ravi for me to read to the girls, since we
essentially have a one room school house (our living room and our dining room, which share sound) so once he has comepleted his spelling, reading and writing poems, then I put him on
projects or work that he is more interested in doing, and then work with the girls together, reading, singing, counting, looking at the letters, and just lots of playing.
Ravi usually does his homeschooling between 10:00am and 1:00pm. We break then and eat. Ravi helps make the food, PBJ usually. I have him carry
our plates and cups to the table, then we eat. After lunch, one or both girls will go to bed.
This is great, as I can work with Ravi on those projects where we get on the floor, cut things out, glue and that sort of thing.
Other times, one girl stays up, while other sleeps, then they switch about 2 hours later. This is good too, because this is when I can work individually
with one girl or the other. Sometimes it is just cuddling. Other times it is playing with some particular developmental toys which I dont leave out.
But for sure, I try to play a game with Ravi everyday, once he has finished his work. I like the reward, and he responds very nicely.
He can play outside afterwards, or play quietly in his room.
Ravi has the opportunity to earn 30 minutes of TV time every day. It is up to him. All I ask is that he completes 5 things, involving the care of his body, and his room.
He receives a smily face : ) for each thing he completes with a great attitude. If he gets 5 smilies that day, he gets a check which goes towards
getting a toy out of the treasure chest at the end of the week. If he gets at least 3 checks, he can get a toy. I shop at the dollar store for inexpensive toys,
which can be a great reward system for a child who has trouble completing chores or has trouble behaving nicely.
So, if he earns tv time from the day before, he is allowed to watch 30 minutes, or else he can save it for two days, and watch one hour. I have video's which he can watch, and he
gets to chose. We don't do regular TV, except when I need lots of cooperation from my little clan, while I am trying
to finish a task, and then they can watch reg. TV (PBS). Ravi of course has to have earned the priviledge to watch!
I also take 30 minutes of "Mommy Time" in the afternoon while the girls are sleeping, to lay on the sofa and close my eyes. Ravi can play quietly, but can't disturb me unless there is
an emergency. We have worked this out by asking a particular question when he tries to interrupt..."is the house on fire?". If he answers no, then he must leave me alone.
It is also kind of silly of me to ask that question, so it makes him smile and at the same time, resume his play, quitely. I find that recharging for a short time, helps my patience level, and
also helps the kids realize that I am not a working machine, who requires no rest. While I don't get MT (mommy time) but 2 or 3 times a week,
it is still very helpful when I get it.
Late afternoon until bedtime is more stressful. I get less cooperation from Ravi during this time. Since he rarely
naps now, he is edgy by 5 or 6pm. I try my best to have our dinner started by 5pm, so that it can be served at 6pm.
If I accomplish this, we usually have time in the evening to play games, go for a walk, or do something like coloring.
When Ravi was a baby, then a toddler, I was able to accomplish so much. I was able to cook dinner, give Ravi a bath, and read a book to him before
bedtime, EVERYDAY. But now with three children, it is very hard to do this every day. I learned that they don't
need bathes every day anyway. So baths happen 3 days a week, sometimes a quick one where everyone is
in the tub, on the weekend. If there is food in their hair, or other reasons to bathe, I do it, but try not to over burden myself.
Ravi, who is now 6 1/2, is able to take his bath (I turn on the water) wash his hair (I put the shampoo on) and get dressed
all by him self. He needs a little bit of help, here and there, but overall, he has taken on the task of bathing and shampooing.
I STILL have to make him do it.
Anyway, we try to eat at 6pm promply. I learned this year, to simplify the cooking process to accomplish my time goal. I used
to worry about creating exotic foods, full course fantasies and such, but now days, it is simple...good hot food, but along the lines
of soups, chilis, rice, breads, steamed veggies. This helps me stay on task. Everyone once in a while we have something fancy, but I
start much earlier. The kids love veggie taco's, and will eat 20 of them between the three kids. So I start dishes like that
around 4:00pm. It makes me feel good that we are eating healthy food, eating at the same time every night,
and still have time for bathes, reading books and cuddling. In the past, cooking, dinner and after dinner were so stressful, that
I would sometimes break down crying for worry that I couldn't get it all done.
Dinner to us is more than just eating. This is one time when we are all sitting together. We start by holding hands, saying what we are
thankful for, and then singing Johnny Appleseed's song...but with a twist:
The Earth is good to me,
And so I thank the Earth.
For giving me, the things I need,
The Sun, and the Rain, and the appleseed.
The Earth is good to me!
My kids love singing that song, and it makes them happy to start out our meal with a joyful heart.
I didn't want to start a tradition of singing or saying Christian prayers at mealtime, and for the longest time,
I didn't want to do a blessing or song, but finally I looked around at what I could make to work for us,
and this song works very nicely. My sister and brother in love sometimes have a moment of silence, followed by
a chanting ,"YUM", instead of "OM". Thats fun too. In the spirit of love and togetherness, we pave the way for
our childrens eating experiences, and also in their health and happiness.
Bedtime doesn't come soon enough for me nowdays. I have great ambitions of staying up late, catching up on
laundry and knitting...but sleep calls me often before I have planned. Once I have nursed Priya, and she is in bed, Ravi goes, then I nurse Lakshmi.
Lakshmi WILL NOT go to sleep without me laying down with her and nursing her to sleep (nursing again!).
So I lay down next to her, cuddle up and nurse her to sleep. During that time, all my good intentions of getting up, bypass me,
and sleep and nursing mothers hormones, send me to sleep like a baby. I don't know when Lakshmi falls asleep, but most definately before I do.
I sleep so well from 8:30 or 9:00pm until 3:00 or 4:00am. Then I can't sleep anymore.
I get up and face the day, either taking an early morning shower, or knit curled up on the sofa.
But I realize that this old mama...is a `changing,
and that...could possibly be a very good thing.
February 14, 2003
Our Valentine cards are made, and we are planning to drive around today and pass them out to our friends.
We settled on a cute little lady bug theme, where there is a round red circle, divided with a black line,
and on either side of the line...little dots. Then roly poly eyes, and antena's. They are cute.
But Lakshmi is so affraid of them. She can't say "I don't want to hold it", so she says, "I wanna hold it....NO!"
"Baby bug bite me, mama!" "Hurt mama".
They don't bite...they aren't real, but they do look odd with those roly poly eyes! ; )
I wanted to share a link to another journal...this one an adoption journal. Thought it was a neat story, and written so well, in installments.
(SSLFHGKSJHDFKJSHDFKJSD)
Last night, I went to the drumming circle again, and this time brought home an African "djembe" drum. I am "testing it", to see if
I would like one. The drum is $250 bucks! I can't afford that. I am going to contact the man who makes them and see if he can
give a poor mama discount!
The "Djembe" drum dates back at least as far as 500 A.D., originating in Guinea West Africa. It is integral to the
tribal families of Baga, Bambara, Mandeng, and the Malinke cultures to name a few.
The Djembe continues to be an important and popular drum in West Africa and can be heard in the
present day countries of Mali, Guinea, Senegal, the Ivory Coast, Sierra Leone, Gambia, and Burkina Gaso.
African drum masters refer to it as the "Magical Drum" because of it's healing powers to move people,
and as the "healing drum" because of it's long history as a fundamental tool in African healing traditions.
The Djembe drum has an amazing tonal range, with a deep resonant bass, melodic mid-range and piercing slap tone.
The dynamics range from whisper soft, to one of the most powerful hand drums in existence.
February 27th,
This morning I dressed the children up and along with them we went to the INS to watched Chandra become a citizen of the US.
February 28th,
The last day of the month, and I have so much to tell. First of all, I was recently cast in the Vagina
Monologues in my city. The play will be next Saturday night, and I am proud to be amoung many
women who have performed the monologues since 1995! V-Day or Vagina Monologues started when
Eve Ensler interviewed more than 200 women about their vagina's. From young to old, many races, many
religions and learned the stories of these women. She was shocked to learn that every one she had interviewed
had experienced some type of sexual abuse or had a unique story about her vagina and from those stories came the Vagina Monologues, an off-Broadway
play, that was first preformed by Eve Ensler herself.
From the tickets and donations, our local womens abuse organizations are given a large donation from us!
If feels so good to be involved in such a grass roots organization. I found myself at our local natural foods
store tonight asking to put up our poster for the play. I was shocked when they said, "no, we can't do it because of THAT word (pointing at the word vagina)".
They did say they would talk with the store manager to see if it could be hung on the bulletin board, but they thought it
probably couldn't be. I will pick it up and take it to another store if they can't.
When Vagina Monologues is over, I plan to start volunteerinig at our local womens abuse organization...which in our city
is YWCA Abused Womens Services.
Secondly, I am begging my sister to send me her art work (which would fit in with the theme of the play)
so I can show it at the Gala on Friday night. So SARA, if you see this, PLEASE SEND your art work NOW!
Other good news is a very dear friend of mine is pregnant. She is 2 1/2 months along right now,
but last Thursday she had some bright red bleeding and severe cramping. It appeared she had lost
her baby, but the sonogram results indicated that she was pregnant with twins. She has lost one baby (thus the empty sac)
and she has one that is still alive. In her previous pregnancy with her son, she also delivered her son and an empty sac, so it appears
she was pregnant with twins then too. She is sad about the loss of her unborn child, but so grateful to still be pregnant.
This will be her fourth child, and she is such an awesome mom. I am so happy for her, that she is still
pregnant. She will be in the Vagina Monologues along with me, and it will be fun to be on stage with such a
wonderful person, who is so full of love and light. HUGS Edie!
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Jyotsna's Journal
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