a journal of a mothers love
DECEMBER
I LOVE MY KIDS! You would too if you knew them! Each one is special in his or her own way. Ravi, who is my most feircesome and hardheaded kid has such a sweet personality and nature too. When we get a chance to chat or read a book together, I can feel his tenderness in his actions.. Lakshmi who is usually dubbed for being the best behaved kid in the family, loves to set me straight by tearing up some important paperwork, just to make sure she isn't taken advantage of. Priya who is rambunctious and a hot head of temperment, loves to lay in my lap and giggle while I tickle her. How did I get so lucky?
These days since April have been very hard on all of us. Some days I think we owe it to ourselves to just relax, watch a movie or eat a special treat. Sometimes the kids get in the tub together to play and laugh, and fortunately for me they get clean! Being a mom is not easy work. I try to remember that these little people are just that...LITTLE. They don't and shouldn't have to worry about adult issues, they shouldn't have to worry about what may happen in their young lives. Kids should just be kids. I try every day to make that happen for my kids.
I have learned so much from my attachment parenting friends, both those who I know here, and those who are online. I have learned that punishment is not necessary all the time for kids to learn right and wrong. Sometimes natural consequences are better than anything. When Lakshmi climbs up on the rim of the counter for the 50th time in one day, sometimes I warn her once, and then stand back. She wouldn't hurt herself, but she would surely scare herself if she fell. It is HARD to step back from your kids a bit to do this, but if we do everything for them, allow them to never have natural consequences, they will have grown up "inside the garden wall" as John Holt puts it. Trusting them to make mistakes and learn from them is the best gift I can possibly give them.
Don't get me wrong. I am there for my kids...bigtime! But I am learning something I didn't learn when Ravi was little, to allow them to lead sometimes, and to grow from the experiences in their world.
I think we are going to bake a cake and eat it with our hands tomarrow. I want to experience everything with them while they are still little. Sooner or later (more than likely sooner!) they will be teens, and they won't want me to hang out with them. I was talking with a friend the other night, and I was telling her I wished that God made video recordings of our children, so that in old age, or in senelity, we could sit and watch them, talking to them and scolding them, or giving them a big kiss on the cheek, as passerby's watch and think we have lost our minds. I don't ever want to forget what it has been like to love and live with my children. I pray that God has the forethought to install and play re-runs in my head as an old woman. Just maybe, he has already done that. I have seen alot of elderly people talking to themselves, and perhaps it is not themselves they are chatting with.
December 7th,
Tonight the kids and I went out for pizza with a freind and her daughter. I watched Ravi and his friend chatting and couldn't stop thinking about how he is six now, and no longer does the world revolve around him only, but him and all his friends! They laughed, giggled to silly words and whispered secret words that are only privy for little kids. While they were sitting at the table next to us, we sat talking about....THEM! ; ) I admire Ravi so much. He is a handful (or two!) but when the sun has set, and everyones teeth are brushed, and we are cuddled on the bed to read a book, I realize I am raising a treasure, and I try to remember that he is fragile, and to handle with care, even in the face of hysterical outlandish refusals to get out of his P.J.'s before 4pm, or his fervent insistance to light our dinner candles....he is fragile, both physically and emotionally. Handle your kids with care too.
While we were eating our pizza, Lakshmi developed a red rash on her face. I have never seen anything like this with her. My friend Dawn said that she gave her a bit of tomato while I was getting pizza, and assumed that Lakshmi had it before since she is a big salad eater. I can't really remember if she has had tomato. Hard to imagine since I love tomatoes so much. I am sure, that she isn't allergic to tomatoes. Maybe it was the cheese? Never the less, I put gel on it and put her to bed. I climbed into the bed a little while ago with a flashlight to see how her rash looked, and it has faded almost entirely. I was quite relieved. I have never seen such a rash on her.
Priya did nothing but eat the entire time. Today I took Ravi and Priya to the doctor, Ravi for the t-b skin titer, and Priya so the doctor could assure me that she is gaining weight appropriately. He said she was just right, thin for sure due to her biological parents, but that she had to be eating right since she was gaining on the curve just right. She was however still on the 5th percentile, but he wasn't worried about it at all. He didn't even charge me for the appointment, and after all of that, i will stop worrying about her for a while. She is now 34 inches and 24.3 lbs. I weighed Lakshmi too, since she was there ,and she was 26.2 lbs.! Both of my girls are doing much better than I thought, so I am much relieved to know they are fine. Since they are both tiny (but Lakshmi is chunkier than Priya) I have been very cautious in feeding them, to make sure they get offered all the food groups at every meal. Makes mealtimes harder, but they will only be toddlers for a while, and toddlers generally only eat a3 or so teaspoons of each food per meal. I find that generally true with Priya while Lakshmi will chow down much more.
Ravi tried his best not to scream and have a fit while getting the t.b. titer, but my goodness, it was like holding down a horse! He screamed at the nurse, "you're killing me!". LOL! She laughed and it was over with right away. Before we went, Ravi practiced saying, "that wasn't so bad" and so I reminded him about it and he said it. He also calmed down right away! Whew!
December 9th
Today, the kids and I spent the day driving in the car. We went to the doctors office to have Ravi's t.b. test read, (negative!), then went to the fabric store to pick up more fabric and notions for Pancha Ganapathi (which is a Hindu holiday from December 21 - 25th). Each day we will decorate Pancha Ganapathi (five faced Ganesha; deity who removes obstacles) with a different coloured outfit, give him gifts, and do one Sadhana (spiritual discipline). This is a fun holiday for the children, as they get to help dress Ganapathi, and they also receive gifts on the last day of this festival.
While I was there, I saw this tiny sewing machine called "Sew Cute" made by White Sewing Co. It was $24.99, so I got it! Looks like something for a teen, but I think I can use it for hemming and small projects. Hope it works!