Episode 1:El Paso
Not so long ago, in a galaxy not so far away. Come to think of it, it was last week.
Anyways, five brave men accepted a noble quest given to them by some dark mysterious
figure. They were out to find the Great Balooga. They have absolutely no hint to what it
is, but took the quest none the less. Somehow they got lost in the middle of El Paso......
Man 1:Well, isn�t this just SUPER!!!!
Man 2:This sucks.
Man 3:You�re telling me.
Man 4:We�re lost in the middle of El Paso, and we owe it all to that dark shadowy figure
that sent us on this stupid quest.
Man 5:(Calmly searching the web for directions out of El Paso.) Quit being so depressive,
I�ve almost found a way out of here.
Man 2,3,4:(together)Alright!!
Man 1:(Voice becomes desperate) Could you PLEASE......HURRY......UP!!!!!!!
Man 5: Dammit Jim, calm down.
Jim (formerly known as Man 1):Calm down!?!?! You want me to CALM DOWN!?!?!
I�m calm!!! In fact, I�m so calm that if I were any calmer, I�D BE DEAD!!!!!
Man 3:Hey Sherman, take care of him please.
Sherman (formerly Man 2):Hey......WRITER!!! It�s spelled S C H E U E R M A N!!!!
GET IT RIGHT!!
(Thunderous voice is heard) Who do you think you are talking to, huh?!?! You�re lucky
that I don�t right you into oblivion.
Sherman:(Quivering in fear.) You�re right, I�m-
SILENCE, you pathetic fool. I will write it any way I want. Besides if I spell it S C H E
U E R M A N, than people are liable to pronounce it like Shoreman. Now get back to the
task at hand.
Sherman: Oh, uh, right....(Draws his claymore.) Sure thing Jesse.
Jesse (formerly Man 3):Whoa!!! I didn�t want you to kill him. Just knock him out. Try a
DDT or a pile driver, or something.
Sherman:(Sheaths his sword.)Damn! What do you think Ryan???
Ryan (Formerly Man 4):I don�t care if you kill him, just be a little more creative about it.
Like the time that I wrote how fishing can relate to life.
(Man 5 is still clicking away with the mouse.)
Jim:Um...Brandon...uh, how�s the search coming there buddy?
Brandon (formerly Man 5):Almost......almost........almost.....GOT IT!!!!! Now, all we
have to do is make a left at the-(Brandon is interrupted by a sound that emits from the
speakers and echoes throughout the land.):Goodbye.
Jim:What?!?!? Why�d you stop?!?!?! Which way do we go?!?!
Brandon:(Sits completely still staring at the monitor with wide eyes, and a drooping
jaw.).....
Jim:(Begins to shake Brandon furiously in a pathetic attempt to bring him back to reality.)
Snap out of it man.(Slaps him.)
Sherman:(Grabs Jim, spins him around over his head, bounces him like a basketball, then
slams him on the ground breaking his back and killing him.) How�s that for creativity
Ryan???
Ryan:Well, it was alright, but it could use some work. You need to focus all of your
creative power, like me. Watch.(Holds his hand up. A chocolate milk appears out of thin
air.)
Sherman:How�d you...
Ryan:It doesn�t matter. Just watch and learn.(Takes 3 slow steady breaths, and begins to
speak.) Chocolate milk is a deliciously nutritious drink that everyone can love and enjoy.
Sherman:(Has a blank stare on his face.) Uh.....yeah, right, whatever.
Jesse:Uh....guys.(Points at Brandon who is now shaking harder than one of those
vibrate-o-beds at motels) I think something is wrong with Brandon.
(Jesse, Sherman, and Ryan all start to slowly approach Brandon.)
Brandon:(Lets out a horrible scream that causes all cacti within 3 miles
explode)Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
(Jesse, Sherman, and Ryan begin running around like the 3 Stooges, repeatedly bumping
into each other)
Brandon:AOL, YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!(Begins smashing his computer to bits.) You stupid
piece of-
(A very annoying continuous beep sounds, and a female voice is heard.)
Female voice:Due to the extremely violent and vulgar nature of this portion of our story
we are forced to censor everything.
Annoying continuous beep sound:Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(the beep stops momentarily and the
sound of someone taking a breath is heard.)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeee(yet another breath)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeee(and still another)eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(yet another breath)eeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(kidding)ee-
Female voice:We now return you to the 4 wandering heroes.
Annoying continuous beep sound:eeeeeeeep......Phew.
(As the dust clears Brandon is seen breathing heavily. There are pieces of the once
super-computer scattered everywhere.)
Jesse:Whoa.
(Suddenly a mysterious man completely covered with cacti needles walks up)
Needle covered man:ooh ah ow.
Sherman:My god man. What happend???
Needle covered man:I have a cacti farm 2.9 miles away. I was going through my regular
routine, when suddenly, all my cacti exploded.
Ryan:How unfortunate.
Needle covered cacti farmer (formerly known as needle covered man):You�re telling me.
I got stuck with over 1000 needles. It really hurts.
Sherman:I can only imagine the pain you going through.
Ryan:You wish.
Sherman:Shut up.
Needle covered cacti farmer:Well I gotta go. I�m looking to make a new start.
Sherman:You�re going to start a new cacti farm??
Needle covered cacti farmer:Hell no. I�m gonna start a whore house in Vegas. I�m
gonna call it �Cactus Jack�s Lil� House-a-Whores.�
Sherman:Good luck.
Needle covered Cacti farmer:Thanks.(Starts walking away) Oooh ah, ouch! Oooh ah,
Ouch! Oooh ah, ouch!(Disappears in the distance.)
Jesse:That was.....different.
Sherman:Yeah. Anyways, how are we supposed to get out of here now that Brandon
destroyed his computer.
Ryan:Think creatively. That�s the key to finding all the answers
Sherman:(In an aggravated tone.)Enough with the creativity bullshit!!!(Draws his
claymore and decapitates Ryan.)
(Jesse gasps. Ryan uses his amazingly still functional brain to imagine his head getting
sewn back on.....and it happens.)
Jesse:WHOA!!!!!!!!!
Sherman:(Jaw drops to the ground. His eyes shoot out of his head and become very
large. Like in the cartoon with that wolf who sees the hot girl.)..............
Ryan:(Has a big grin on his face.) Told ya.
Brandon:(Come to his senses and gasps when he sees his computer laying in pieces all
around him.) My precious computer. Who did this?!?!?!
Sherman:Uh.....you did.
Brandon:Oh....
Jim:(Miraculously healed, stands up). What happened?!?!?!
Ryan:Brandon broke his computer.
Jim:Can you fix it Brandon?!?!?!
Brandon:Damnit Jim, I�m a scientist not a miracle worker.
Jesse:Yes you are. Remember when you saved the world from total annihilation with
nothing but a roll of duct tape and a pair of scissors.
Ryan:What about the time you helped me get my creativity back from the evil slug lord,
Zoltar, from the galaxy Sucksalot.
Sherman:Oh, and the one time when you fixed my claymor for me.
(Thunderous voice of the writer is heard)You inspired me to write this story.
Brandon:Ok, I get it. Never the less, I�d need a lot of parts that I doubt we could find
here.
Jesse:That sucks.(Grabs Jim and DDT�s him.)
Jim:OOOOOOWWW!!!! What the hell was that for?!?!
(Ryan pulls out a piece of paper and pen, and begins writing)
Sherman:What ya writing?
Ryan:Just a minute. There.
(Suddenly a man walks up to the group)
Sherman:(Looks at Ryan and shakes his head.) Nah.
Jim:We�re saved. Thank god.
Man 6:Hi.
Brandon:Who might you be?
Man 6:I�m a wandering salesman.
Sherman:Sweet.
Wandering salesman (Formerly Man 6):Can I help you with something?
Brandon:Not unless you have these.(Hands the wandering salesman a list)
Wandering salesman:Well, I don�t have them on me, but I can get them dropped.
Brandon:Really, ok.
(The wandering salesman pulls out a cell phone and starts to dial a number.)
Brandon:(Gasps)Whoa, that�s a T6 cellular phone with digital scanner, wireless internet,
fax machine, and printer.
Wandering salesman:Actually, it�s a T7. It has all the feature of the T6 plus a laser lock
cutter, and swiss army knife.
Voice on phone:Hello?
Wandering salesman:Hi, it�s Steven. I�m sending you a list I need delivered to my
coordinates.(Scans the paper with his cell phone)
Voice on phone:Alright, I�ll send them right over.
Steven (Formerly known as Wandering salesman):Alright. Thanks Keeb.
Jesse:Keeb???
Steven:He used to be a Keebler Elf, so I call him Keeb for short. His real name is Nick.
Brandon:Interesting. I have a brother named Nick who left home to persue his dream of
becoming a Keebler Elf. Probably just a coincidence.
(A plane is heard approaching their position.)
Steven:Right on time.(Hands the cell phone to Jim.)Um...take this and go stand over
there.(Points in a random direction.)
Jim:(Takes the phone)Ok.
(As the plane flies overhead, something is seen pushed out of the back. The whistling
sound that usually accompanies a falling anvil is heard.)
Jim:(Looks up and sees a big crate falling out of the sky. It�s heading straight for him.)
OH MY GOD!!!!(Begins to run around frantically trying to give the phone to someone.)
TAKE IT, SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE IT.!!!!!
Steven:Ok(Takes the phone.)
Jim:Phew.
(Suddenly the crate lands on Jim, crushing every bone in his body. Oh yeah, it kills him to.
Everyone stares for a second, then resume normal conversation.)
Brandon:Shall we open it?
Steven:I�ll get it.(Punches a number sequence into his phone and a crowbar pops out of
the end, and pries the side panel of the crate off.)
Jesse:It has a crowbar too?!?!?!?!?!?!
Steven:Oh yeah I forgot about that.
Brandon:(Searches through the parts.) Yes, yes, yes, ok. Seems everything is in order.
What do we owe you?
(Steven grins and points to the writing on his shirt.)
Jesse:(Looks at the shirt and reads.) Can I borrow your girlfriend?
Brandon:Uh...I dont� have one.
Jesse & Sherman: Me either.
Ryan:........
Steven:(Looks at Ryan.)What about you?
Ryan:Well, i kinda do, and kinda don�t.
Steven:What do you mean?
Ryan:No one would go out with me so I had to create a girlfriend with my own
imagination.
Steven:That�s ok, I�ll take her anyway.
Poof(A girl appears out nowhere. Steven picks her up and starts walking away.)
Steven:Thanks(Waves until he can no longer be seen.)
Brandon:He was helpful.
Sherman:Sure was.(Draws his claymore.) Can I kill�m?
Jesse:Dude!!!! He just helped us.
Sherman:Sooooooo, that�s a no then???
Jesse:YES!!!!!
Sherman:(Smiles.)Yes????
Jesse:NO!!!!!
Sherman:(Frowns.)No....
Brandon:(Smacks his forehead.) I�m surrounded by fricken idiots.(Starts working on the
computer.)
Ryan:(Uses his creativity to make a big screen t.v., PS2 w/ GT3, and a couch appear out
of nowhere.)Who wants to Race??
Sherman:Sweet.
Jim:(Miraculously healed, crawls out from under the crate.) Why didn�t you just uses
your damn imagination to make the parts appear?!?!?! I wouldn�t have been killed, and
you�d still have you girlfriend!!!! YOU FREAKIN MORON!!!!!!!!!
Ryan:(Imagines Jim being shot in the head at point blank range. Thus, it becomes reality.)
Try coming back from that bitch.
Sherman:Coooooool. Teach me to do that pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase.
Ryan:Creativity is not something that can be taught. It mus be achieved on one�s own.
Sherman:Awwww.
(Brandon is still working away trying to fix his computer. Ryan begins playing GT3.)
Jesse:I wanna play too.(Picks up the second controller.)
Sherman:Hey, I wanna play.
Jesse:Sorry, it�s only 2 players.
Jim:(Once again miraculously healed, stands up.)Jeez. You guys suck!!! Why do you
keep killing-(Gets hit in the head with a giant wrench and dies.)
Brandon:Whoops.(Shrugs.) Oh well.
Sherman:Sweet.
Jesse:That�s messed up.
Ryan:(Shakes his head.)....
Sherman:Sooooo....Hey Ryan, can I ask you something?
Ryan:You just did.
Sherman:(Smacks his forehead.) Doh. How�d you get so creative?
Ryan:I led a sheltered life, so I had to use my imagination to �go� places, and see stuff.
Brandon:(Heard in background.) Almost.....
Sherman:Wow.
Brandon:Almost.....
Ryan:Eventually it got good enough to actually take me places I thought about, and do
what I thought about.
Brandon:Almost.......
Sherman:Then why don�t you just imagine us outta here.
Ryan:Uh....Where do you wanna go?
Sherman:How about............Vegas!!!!
Ryan:I�ve never done multi-transport, but....ok.(Begins to concentrate.).........to be
continued.
Will Brandon fix his computer? Can Ryan perform multi-transport? Will Jesse be of any
help to the group? Will Sherman improve his imagination? How many time will Jim die?
Will they find the the Great Balooga? Find out on the next exciting episode......Vegas.