Posted by WotM [WitnessOnTheMoon] on November 30, 1999 at 08:00:24 {JEfy6n1mcIuLpSNP4x.I2J20GmR5TU}:
I just felt like writing this.
Lord: Nice to see you, Fred.
Freddy: I'm in heaven, right?
Lord: This is a judical committee.
Freddy: I do not understand. I am spirit-anointed, thus I must be in heaven now. I want to watch my funeral.
Lord: We are going to examine what you have done during your life and this will determine what to do with you.
Freddy: May I ask who you are?
Lord: I'm the Lord. Freddy: Which one? This title has been applied to Christ as well as to Jehovah, not to mention numerous other so-called lords.
Lord: Well, some call me Jesus.
Freddy: Nice to see you too. Can I go to heaven now? I don't want to miss my funeral.
Lord: I'm afraid you already missed it. Be patient and tell us first what you have done during your life.
Freddy: Lord, I've been your most faithful servant on earth. I'm a scholar of Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic. I have helped millions of people to understand the Bible better.
Lord: By making false prophecies?
Freddy: I'm not sure what you are talking about.
Lord: What about that 1975 affair?
Freddy: I only said that it was the end of 6000 years of human history. It is not my fault that others interpreted more into it.
Lord: You did not possibly claim that it was the appropriate time for God to act?
Freddy: It was merely a guess. I was not dogmatic about it. I never claimed divine inspiration.
Lord: Then why promote the date when it was just a guess?
Freddy: I wanted to make sure they understood the end was near.
Lord: Sure ... How many people died because you forbade them to accept blood transfusions?
Freddy: I fail to see your point. Blood transfusions are unbiblical.
Lord: Are they?
Freddy: Of course they are. Have you not read your Bible? It commands to abstain from blood.
Lord: Are you trying to teach me? I am the Lord, just in case you haven't noticed. I know what the Bible says.
Freddy: Then you should know that the Bible bans blood transfusions.
Lord: What is so bad about blood transfusions?
Freddy: They are unbiblical.
Lord: The Pharisees said the same thing about healing on the Sabbath but I did it anyway.
Freddy: What does this have to do with blood transfusions?
Lord: Sorry, but I must tell you that there is no Biblical law against blood transfusions. At least there was none last time I checked.
Freddy: No! This can't be! You must err.
Lord: Why did you tell them to believe in an organization and its magazines instead of the Bible?
Freddy: It was your organization. We just handed out your food at the proper time. You chose us in 1919 to be your faithful and discreet slave.
Lord: Strange that I cannot remember doing this. I must be getting old.
Freddy: Sorry?
Lord: I'm not very pleased with you. You are bloodguilty for preventing people from having necessary medical treatment. You are responsible for the disfellowshipping of many people whose only crime was not to agree completely with your strange interpretation of the Bible. Just like the Pharisees you added your own rules to God's word. You continuously created fear by claiming the end was near and all but your followers would be killed. You keep blaming others for your false 1975 prophecy. And there are much more of your faults I could name.
Freddy: But I'm a scholar of Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic.
Lord: You are sentenced to a millennium of hard labor on earth.
Freddy: You can't do that. I'm a scholar. I am spirit-anointed. I belong to heaven. I appeal against this.
Lord: Why do you appeal?
Freddy: It's injustice.
Lord: You must give valid reasons for your appeal. Are you claiming that you did not commit those things I mentioned, do you believe that it is nothing that deserves punishment or do you claim that you are truly repentant?
Freddy: I did not commit anything wrong. I worked hard for your sake. I'm a scholar of Greek ...
Lord: Your appeal is dismissed.
Freddy: Why?
Lord: Because I say so. Trust me, I am the Lord thus I cannot err.