Posted by OneGlove [OneGlove] on November 23, 1999 at 10:00:47 {KNpNN6QGfwddh6ih/xtgVOGhhkwG5g}:
In Reply to: My Update... posted by Gretchen on November 22, 1999 at 18:32:00:
When I was 18, and still a member of Jehovah's Witnesses, I had a - what I would have then called 'worldly' - girlfriend. (Incidently by the name of Gretchen.) I actually thought of her as 'worldly'. You have no idea how deep the Watchtower ideology infiltrates into your soul unless you have actually experienced it. It clouds your thinking, and requires that you judge everyone you meet as 'in the truth' or 'worldly'. Your loved ones are no exception.
At the time I tried to hide the fact that I was going out with her from my friends and family. I wanted to have everything both ways. I couldn't bear the thought of disappointing my family and friends in the congregation by telling them that I was going out with someone 'worldly'. They would have viewed me as half-'worldly' myself.
If you had asked me then, which was more important, my religion or my girlfriend, I would have told you it was my religion. But in reality it was the other way around. In the end, all Jehovah's Witnesses have is a stale ideology, one pretty much devoid of real personal relationships and commitments. I guess I knew this then, but I couldn't admit it to myself.
Well, things didn't turn out all right. I hurt my girlfriend a great deal by treating her like some kind of outcaste. At the time I was dumb enough to choose my religion over her. I view my actions as foolish and more than contemptible now. I never wanted to hurt her, but I was locked in a mind-set that didn't let me see things clearly.
Now, as you can see, I'm in no way qualified to give advice, but I'll try anyway.
If he is really devout - and it will be hard for you to find out - then one of the things he worries about is giving you a bad impression of what Jehovah's Witnesses are like. He cares for you a great deal and wants you to get eternal life, but at the same time he feels that he is telling you that Jehovah's Witnesses aren't really serious about their religion and are the type of people of have 'worldly' girlfriends. He might be uncomfortable dicussing his religion with you. And even if you were to 'convert' he would have trouble being seen to associate with someone who was new and 'only studying'. In this case you might want to buy a copy of Ray Franz's "Crisis of Conscience" for yourself. Read it through. And then tell your boyfriend about the impression it had on you. Be careful not to suggest that it should have the same impression on him. He may want to read it through himself to correct your mistaken viewpoint. Whatever you do, don't force it on him. But if he does want to see it, make him promise to read the whole thing. No Witness I have ever met could just absorb all that information without letting it affect them. Their only defense is to simply avoid it.
If he is not so devout - and it is equally hard to tell - then he is probably worried about what his friends and family would think of you. And what action they will take against him when they find out. In this case, you might want to have a 'Bible Study' with him, in which he will explain his beliefs to you. Don't make pretended interest in his religion, it is too easy to see through that. Rather take interest in what he believes, because, after all, you care about him. Prepare well, and raise poignant but not harsh objections to the teachings you have problems with. With luck you might be able to talk him out of his current viewpoint. Introduce "Crisis of Conscience" after some time with this.
These are only suggestions, and I really can't say whether or not they will work. In the end it will be up to him to decide. All I can say is that I would have appreciated it if someone had tried to do this for me. It would have saved me and others from a lot of anguish.
E-mail me if you need anything more.
Good Luck
--OneGlove
P.S. It would definitely not be a good idea to tell him that you posted to H2O to get advice. It will not help, and could certainly hurt things a great deal.