# Blue as a Smurf

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Posted by Smurf [Smurf] on November 04, 1999 at 20:46:30 {yxewwqp4aA1vMkeTU9QQ1U4ozdDO/w}:

Hello, I am Smurf

I have been a recent lurker and poster on this site for more than one year. It has been "up building", more than up building, it has been an anchor for life. Not my only anchor, but one I could not have survived without.
My son, I lost my oldest son. He is dead and I will newer get him back. Not in this life and not in an another. We will never meet again, never! This is the truth I recognized when I looked at him and understood that he was dead. He will never, ever be alive again. I had some hope for eternal life, not very clear and without substance, but now I know for sure, there is no such thing. He took his own life, his younger brother found him dead, speaking with me on the phone, I was the one who forced him to find out what was wrong, (1 hour away on work) This is one thing that I can't deal with, never! He was young (17) very intelligent, good looking, strong and brave. He was a baptized JW. I gave my approval.

I am not a JW, and I can't blame the JW:s, my guilt is so much bigger. We went to conventions on the summers.
My younger brother is an elder, my younger sister is also in the "truth". My very old father (80) is a very firm believer in Christ. My Grandmother was a fanatic believer (not JW, but in some way similar). Non of them was JW:s. My wife's grandmother was a JW, so we have both a religious background.

My oldest daughter is also in the "truth". Not active (she lost some of her faith when her brother died), she is working in another country, in the "hyped IT business". She has an academic education in computer science and earns more money than me. I know she is suffering hard and I don't know how to help. We can't talk about the "truth" or religion at all.

I am very afraid of the damage I have created. The guilt my living children have to deal with. I have tried to talk about this, to explain our background, to excuse myself for all superstitions that I have induced in their lives.

/Smurf

Follow Ups:

- *Blue as a Smurf Sunspot 17:46:07 11/05/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf dproper 09:53:09 11/05/99 (2)
  - **Blue as a Smurf Sunspot 17:28:40 11/05/99 (1)
    - ***Blue as a Smurf dproper 09:46:25 11/06/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf Alan 09:31:49 11/05/99 (7)
  - **Blue as a Smurf Sunspot 17:59:23 11/05/99 (0)
  - **Blue as a Smurf disko 10:09:44 11/05/99 (5)
    - ***Blue as a Smurf Alan 13:01:48 11/05/99 (1)
      - ****Blue as a Smurf disko 13:27:54 11/05/99 (0)
    - ***Blue as a Smurf Farkel 10:57:35 11/05/99 (1)
      - ****Blue as a Smurf disko 11:42:36 11/05/99 (0)
    - ***Blue as a Smurf Farkel 10:57:18 11/05/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf Episode4 07:42:28 11/05/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf JanG 01:42:48 11/05/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf Antique 00:34:31 11/05/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf Rick 00:20:41 11/05/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf Sympathy 22:06:02 11/04/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf roamer 21:35:46 11/04/99 (0)
- *Blue as a Smurf Randy Watters 21:26:30 11/04/99 (0)

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