# *****Q for apostates

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Posted by ExDub [ExDub] on November 01, 1999 at 05:57:41 {2gTL9dbN6kS2pgVcL2CgYwT5J/kZ46}:

In Reply to: ****Q for apostates posted by B on October 31, 1999 at 20:09:22:

B, I wish I could remember it all. I remember other things, like being lonely in a crowd. Being pressured all the time, all the time, do more, do more, do more.

I had four little, bitty children. And they expected me to be out in service. I saw to my children first and was critisized for not being more active. Women with one older, school age child, would come up to me and say things like, "If I can do it, you can do it." HAHA Right.

I never did complete a full assembly. Someone would get sick after the second day, and we'd have to miss the rest. Those assemblies were out in the hot sun, little consideration for people with a bunch of little kids. I got so I was leaving the kids at home and sitting in the sun myself.

I think that the stress and pressure that began were the worst I can recall about being there right now. That and feeling so alone.

They claim to open their arms and welcome everyone. Yet their social structure is very tight and cliquish. Finally someone told me that I had to really work to be accepted into the social thing.

I did, over time, develope a couple of really good friendships. Two very gentle women, kind, loving. Of one of those, she became one of my best friends and part of our family. We loved her dearly. We still love her dearly, very much.

But she is shunning me. I finally wrote to her a couple of years back and told her that we all still love her very much, that we will not stop loving her and if she ever changes her mind and drops out of the society, we'll be here for her. Or if she ever needs a roof over her head, she'll be welcome under our roof.

I tried to gently point out to her that our love for her was unconditional, no strings attached. She was always welcome into our lives.

Anyway, those are the things I remember, because they were so painful.

I remember having to buy X amount of magazines every time they came out. Standing in line, laying my money down, knowing that I would probably not place them all and it was money that would be gone. What I did with the left overs was leave them in laudromats.

More will come to me and I'll try to answer more later.

ExDub

Follow Ups:

- ******Q for apostates Sunspot 22:35:52 11/01/99 (0)
- ******Q for apostates ANDY 07:21:34 11/01/99 (1)
  - *******Q for apostates ExDub 07:43:51 11/01/99 (0)

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