# I Proudly Served Satan

[ HOURGLASS2 OUTPOST ] [ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Tonight. © [COMF] on October 30, 1999 at 20:31:05 {G0PnT/qYmk8btmTRbiCQoRa3VCcycQ}:

All right, all right, folks, this is it, this is the place. Gather 'round, cuz where it's happening is right here, right now, Saturday night at the Fannin Elementary School Halloween Carnival Bean Bag Toss. We gotcher winners, we gotcher prizes, we gotcher candy. Step right up! Three beanbags for one ticket. Get a beanbag in a basket, or through one of the holes in the board, and you're a winner. Get two or more beanbags in, you're a double winner, two prizes! Who's gonna come first and show everybody how it's done?

Hey, check this young man out. He's a winner, I can feel it in my bones. Look at him go, hey! He's already a winner, and still two beanbags to go. Oh, my goodness, two baskets, two tosses, two beanbags in! He's good, y'all. He's real good. All right! Give that man two prizes, cuz he's so good!

Who's next? Look here, y'all, we got Queen Amidala here tonight. I told you the Bean Bag Toss is the place to be! This is where it's happenin', three beanbags for one ticket. Now look at 'er go, wouldja? This young lady is putting the boys to shame, I'm tellin' you. Look at that, three beanbags in the top basket! She don't fool around with those ol' easy baskets down on the floor. She's too good!

Wow, you're the coolest looking bumblebee we've had here all night! Here ya go, have a beanbag. Put it right through that hole right there. Okay, that was a warmup toss, now you're ready. Right in the hole. Watch this bumblebee go, folks! Ooh, good shot, what a winner! Pick you out any prize you want right over here on the table.

Hey, I know you! I saw you in the movies, you're Obi Wan Kenobi! Hey, everybody, watch this, we got Obi Wan Kenobi up here! And if you thought he was good with a light sabre, wait til you see him with a beanbag! He's devastating! Use the force, Obi Wan! Look at that, wouldja! He's a winner. He's good, he's real good, give that man two prizes!

Hey, it's a Cowboys cheerleader! Look at her go, wouldja! This girl oughta be giving lessons. Are you folks taking notes? Cuz she's up here, right now, showing y'all the way it's supposed to be done. All right! Give that young lady two prizes!

I mean, the girls are whupping the boys all over the place. Who's gonna save us? We need a young man to come up here and preserve our masculine pride. Hey, here's our pride and joy, come on young man! Make us look good, now, make us proud. Watch this everybody! You thought Muhammed Ali was good? I'm tellin' you, The Greatest is right here among us, right here, right now, throwing these beanbags. Look at him go, heyyyy!

Ladies and gentlemen, I need your attention please! This young lady has been up here before, and I'm gonna stand right here and testify before ya today, that I never before saw anyone throw beanbags with as much skill and grace. Watch her go, folks, it's poetry in motion! Look at that, a beanbag in each basket. When she goes to college she's gonna be playing professional beanbag, she's that good!

Stand back, ladies and gentlemen! He's dangerous, he's fearsome; it's... it's... it's the deadly Ninja Beanbag! If you thought throwing stars was scary, wait til you see the Grand Master of Bean Bags! Look at him go, wouldja! Give that ninja guy two prizes, cuz he's so good!

H2O friends, I wish you could have watched what went on here tonight. It was plain that some of these youngsters are not accustomed to having praise lavished upon them. You should have seen the eyes gleaming, the satisfied/embarassed smiles, the cheeks flushing with pride. My heart swelled over many times tonight working with these darling little ones.

I never took part in things like this when my kids were in school. Didn't want to fellowship with the doomed pagans, don't y'know. Plus, Halloween observations are Satanic rituals. So, now that I'm doomed apostate scum, I'm making up for lost time by volunteering to help out with stuff like this. And man, oh man, my poor voice... it was barely beginning to come back from my having coughed it away the other day, and now it's gone again. But I'm not in pain. In fact, I have a warm, happy glow all over. And I know for a certainty, I shall sleep well tonight.

Great Jehovah God, if what I did tonight was sinful, then please go ahead and destroy me now, because I don't want to live in your new order.

And since You Know can't post, I'll say it for him: "All in Jehovah's good time, COP. Just wait on Jehovah. Your prayer will be answered." Thanks, Robert. We can always count on you to bring us back to the important stuff.

COMF

Follow Ups:

- *I Proudly Served Satan notbraindead 09:54:19 10/31/99 (2)
  - **I Proudly Served Satan COMF 10:22:20 10/31/99 (0)
  - **I Proudly Served Satan Alan 10:19:20 10/31/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan Alan 09:43:00 10/31/99 (3)
  - **I Proudly Served Satan COMF 10:23:03 10/31/99 (2)
    - ***I Proudly Served Satan moderator delet 11:01:01 10/31/99 (1)
      - ****I Proudly Served Satan Polly 11:42:24 10/31/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan Tantalus 08:14:54 10/31/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan FRED HALL 07:28:55 10/31/99 (3)
  - **I Proudly Served Satan Alan 09:36:03 10/31/99 (2)
    - ***I Proudly Served Satan SpudMama 07:16:11 11/01/99 (0)
    - ***I Proudly Served Satan applecore 15:02:02 10/31/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan Duncan 01:04:58 10/31/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan jimmyjames 23:29:03 10/30/99 (1)
  - **I Proudly Served Satan Alan 09:41:42 10/31/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan SweetPotato 22:20:57 10/30/99 (0)
- *I Proudly Served Satan Well Ratty 20:51:44 10/30/99 (1)
  - **I Proudly Served Satan Sunspot 05:47:02 10/31/99 (0)

Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject: *I Proudly Served Satan

Comments:

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ HOURGLASS2 OUTPOST ] [ FAQ ]