bs"d AN EXERCISE FOR INCREASING HAPPINESS AND CONFIDENCE --------------------------- Applying this exercise will enhance your life. If you have trouble recalling positive experiences, you can gain from this exercise by picturing hypothetical experiences that can serve as a resource for the future. Spend sufficient time on each part of the exercise to have a positive emotional feeling even if a slight one. With repetition it will become easier to invoke positive emotional responses. Modify these exercises to fit your individual needs. 1) Recall an instance when you felt calm and relaxed (such as a trip or vacation). Try to relive that experience by remembering as many details as possible. 2) Remember at least three of the most positive experiences you have had during your life. Recall as many details as possible. Actually relive the emotional feelings that you had at that time. 3) Remember at least one instance when you were successful in doing something. Picture yourself in the situation and feel some of the original pleasure. 4) Recall an act of kindness you did for someone. Feel pleasure in having performed it. 5) Recall an instance where you controlled an impulse such as overcoming a desire or an instance when you refrained from saying something. 6) Think of a positive trait you have or that someone you respect said you have. 7) Recall an instance when you felt inner strength and confidence. Try to experience that feeling by recalling the instance as vividly as possible.. Make a cue that will help you remember the instance. 8) Think of something positive you would like to do. Imagine yourself actually doing it. 9) Think of something nice you can say to someone or do for someone. Imagine yourself actually saying or doing it. 10) Think of something you can do for self-improvement. Picture yourself actually improving. Anyone may reprint this page and distribute it free of charge as long as the source and copyright is acknowledged: from Gateway to Happiness, (c) 1983, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin ----- TEN RULES FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE ----------------------------- By Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (based on principles in this book and the author's counseling experience) 1) Keep your main goal on "giving" rather than "taking." When your goal is to give your partner pleasure, you will always find opportunities to meet your goal. As a byproduct you too will gain since people tend to reciprocate positive behavior. 2) Be careful to remain silent when your spouse insults you. By ignoring slights and insults you will prevent many needless quarrels. The momentary unpleasantness will quickly pass. 3) Give up unrealistic expectations. People come into marriage with many expectations which are not consciously expressed. By giving up on unrealistic expectations you will prevent frustration and anger. Don't expect your spouse to be perfect and don't make comparisons. 4) Avoid labeling those things which are not to your liking as awful. Try to find a positive perspective to things. 5) Think of plans on how to motivate your spouse to want to do what you want him or her to do. If your first strategy is not effective, keep trying different strategies. Remember that tactful praise is a powerful motivator. 6) Realize that the meaning of your communication is the response you actually get. Clarify your goals. If your method of communication is not achieving your goal, change your approach. By keeping an eye on the main goal, which is to have a happy marriage, you will not become side-tracked. 7) Be willing to compromise. Be willing to do something you would rather not do in return for similar behavior from your spouse. 8) Don't blame or condemn your spouse for mistakes. Plan on the best method to prevent the mistakes from reoccuring without arousing resentment or hurting your spouse's feelings. 9) Live in the present. Whatever went wrong in the past is over. Focus on improving the situation in the present. 10) Keep asking yourself: "What can I do to have a happy atmosphere in the house?" Anyone may reprint this page and distribute it free of charge as long as the source and copyright is acknowledged: from Gateway to Happiness, (c) 1983, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin ----- Sources: Gateway to Happiness by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (1983) - A practical guide to happiness and peace of mind culled from the full spectrum of Torah literature - Aish HaTorah Publications - Benei Yaakov Publications, 1742 East 7th Street, Brooklyn, NY, 11223 - 718-376-5903 Other publications from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Benei Yaakov Publications) - Guard Your Tongue - Adapted from the Chofetz Chaim (1975) - Love Your Neighbor (1977) - The Power of Words (1988) - Growth Through Torah (1988) - Gateway to Self-Knowledge ---- from: The Jewish Education Network at: http://www.aquanet.co.il/vip/mc e-mail: jenet@iname.com date: 17 Tamuz 5758 / July 12, 1998 ver: 1.1 The Jewish Education Network - A Jewish Education Counts, Matatia Chetrit, Copyright (1998) Please feel free to copy this document. 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