Apostrophe's have over seven hundred rules governing that which a proper englishman must follow when writing in order to properly get whatever point a proper englishman might have across. Always struck me as strange apostrophes did. I mean its like the comma's older brother. More important obviously because there are more rules concering it, but getting ever less use, maybe because of that reason alone. I mean look at that last sentence, I probably got commas all over the place that aren't supposed to be there, but nobody will ever care because there are what maybe one, two, six, rules necessary to getting a comma right.
Where was I...oh yeah, flourescent. So here I am six feet under ground, naked, holding my cock, wondering why in the fuck it is covering me in all this flourescent light when I realized that its not my cock it is of course a flourescent light. One of those long light tubes than run on those fucking huge batteries that you can only buy at department stores or like battery stores. Are there even battery stores? I bet there are and all the self loathing employees of such a worn down place can't leave at night when the store closes because they've spent too much time walking around all day with fucking flourescent lights everywhere blinding them.
You see what I mean, look, I've used commas to separate items in lists and I've used them to emphasize pauses and I've used apostrophes to join two long words into one shorter word, theres a word for that which I learned in 8th grade english class, but of course I can't remember that. All I can remember is how much I wanted to bang my english teacher when I was 8th grade. She was so hot.
Oh yeah, back to the battery store. So you can't buy these fucking batteries at the local 7-11 or anything, nope you have to go to fucking Fred Meyer to buy them cause they're just too fucking big to store at a place like 7-11. So of course you get to Fred Meyer and you park your car a mile away from the door, because if you don't you know some scmuck fuck face with a little dick is going to fucking hit your car with his door or something, I mean not that I have a nice car or anything, but fuck man watch what your doing.
So you go into this fucking store and you start at one end just to make sure you don't have to back track in order to find these fucking huge batteries that you would have picked up at 7-11, but of course their too fucking big, and you start working your way through the aisles, being distracted by all the shiny objects and shit that is priced just one fucking cent away from an even amount. I mean .99c or $1.00 nobody cares, everyone just loses the fucking pennies anyway.
What good are they, if we just set shit to be evenly priced nobody would have to waste fucking time on those small fake pieces of copper covered shit. Stupid pennies walking around pretending their real currency. Next thing you know they'll be dressing in fucking skimpy outfits pretending to know how the fuck to sing, all the while making more money than any college graduate short of a stupid jock will ever make. I mean its not like the one cent is fucking fooling anybody,
I mean nobodies looking at it summing up the total of things they can afford and thing oh shit yeah its just under a goddamn dollar. Nobody just lops off the fucking decimal point when their adding shit. You'll never hear, "Oh man thank god its $45 and not $46, because then I wouldn't be able to afford it," when the price is fucking $45.99. Its just not going to happen. People are always bitching at me while I am in the middle of making this argument just to complain that the tax is going to fuck up the total anyways.
I hate those people, its like yeah and just because our government is going to fuck up the environment anyways its okay to throw my garbage on the fucking ground. Its people like them that are fucking us all over. If I had an empty fucking bullet casing for every person who is a schmuck like they are, the world would be a hell-of a better place to live.
Anyways so here you are scanning every aisle of this miserable monstrosity of a department store all the while nearly foaming at the mouth thinking about the hot shot assholes who are keeping these fucking prices set at one cent short of even, all the big wig fucking english proffessors pushing this grammar and all the fucking shit about apostrophes on you all the time, about how fucking ridiculously huge these batteries your going to buy are.
When all of a sudden in some unexpectant shine of glory from the heavens about you spot your batteries, throw down the outrageous $13 bucks it cost to buy one of the fucking gargantuan fucks of an energy cell, piss and moan for a couple minutes about how shitty this place is for jacking up the prices just because they are one of only like three shit ass fuck joints that carries the goddamn bastards of an alkaline cylinder.
So you get back to your car only to find that while you are surrounded by thirty five thousand different open parking spaces some asshole and his asshole friends have parked their shitty riced-out Honda Del Sol right next to you and are just fucking standing around, bumping their loud music, acting like the perpetual assholes that they are, but ever being the gentleman that you are just tally up the bullet casing in your mind get in your car and drive.
Not until two miles away do you start swearing at those fucks for making you feel awkward. What a bunch of assholes. You double the bullet casing count just to include all of their mothers in there, and head home where you can finally put to use the expensive monster-ass battery that you just bought to whatever use you might find for it. So here I am holding this flourescent light trying to figure out how I got I got this light, who went through all that trouble to get the fucking battery for it, and most importantly why the fuck am I underground.
To Be Continued.