"Help!" Guybrush screamed for the 23rd time, and after calming down he said to himself, "I think screaming for help isn't getting me anywhere."

Guybrush scrutinized his surroundings and pondered, "I'm standing on a precipice, over looking miles of the Carribean sea. The view is lovely, but I can't help thinking that I'm going to decompose here. Too bad I can't climb the cliff wall behind me. I might as well get comfortable. Come to think of it, I've always wanted to be a brave pirate stuck on the edge of a treacherous cliff."

Our mighty pirate began to sing songs of brave pirates trapped on dangerous cliffs, while he searched through his pockets for measures of escape. After going through some used dental floss, a souvenir mug filled with grog, some bananas, and a lengthy rope, Guybrush decided to drink some grog.

"All brave pirates stuck on cliffs deserve a swill of grog," Guybrush told himself as he lifted the mug for a drink.

"GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD. What have I told you? NO GROG before dinner." Mrs. Elaine Marley Threepwood barked from the cliff above, "Now get up from that ledge."

"I can't." Guybrush said, "But don't worry Elaine, I can handle this one myself. No need to rescue Guybrush Threepwood the Mighty Pirate."

"Well if you want to stay there, that's fine with me," Elaine, still somewhat irritated by the previous display of Guybrush's manliness, adjusted her shotgun and walked away.

As Elaine walked away, the ledge beneath Guybrush's feet began to crack.

"I think this is bad," Guybrush observed, "Elaine, I change my mind. Um could you give me a hand?"

Suddenly the ledge gave way, and Guybrush gave a yell as he fell into the roaring waves below. Elaine rushed to aid Guybrush, but he had become swallowed by the sea.

Elaine lost no time; she grabbed a nearby rope, fastened it to a tree, and then to herself. Using her pirate rock-climbing skills, she lowered herself down the cliff after her husband. Upon reaching the shore, Elaine noticed a convenient, small, yet unseaworthy sailboat nearby. She leaped in and began rowing out to sea.

"Guybrush!" Elaine called as loudly as she could, "Guybrush answer me!"

The sound of the waves rolling onto the beach, seagulls, and windy breeze answered her call. Elaine searched and yelled. Finally she noticed a familiar gleam of red and a flash of gold. That must be Guybrush's coat! Elaine rowed rapidly towards the object.

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am MURRAY, guardian of a MIGHTY demonic force," Came from the floating object.

"Murray?!" Elaine cried in disbelief and disappointment.

"Just kidding," Guybrush said as he seemed to pop out of the water, "Did you miss me?"

"Ugh," Elaine muttered with disgust.

"Elaine, you'd better hurry up and save me. I can only hold my breathe for ten minutes." Guybrush complacently bobbed up and down in the Mêlee waters.

"Well don't just float there, you silly numbskull! Swim towards me and grab my hand." Elaine rowed next to him. "Hey! Stay still. I can't grab you if you swim away."

"You can't catch me, haha!" Guybrush taunted as he glided away.

"Oh yeah?" Elaine dived into the chilly waters and tackled Guybrush. She raised her hand to smack some sense into him; however, instead of punching him as she intended, she pulled off an object hanging from his neck. Curious, Elaine studied the thing in her hand and realized that it looked like your average voodoo talisman, complete with a shriveled monkey head and wooden earings that were hanging from the monkey's head.

"Guybrush, what is this?" Elaine asked.

In the eerie darkness, Elaine suddenly realized that she alone was floating next to the boat.   She decided,  

1. "This is creepy.   I'm going home."
2. "Somebody's kidnapped Guybrush, and it's up to me to save him!"
3. "I wonder if the voodoo lady is busy tonight.   I'm dying to know what this talisman means."

  Elaine, clutching the talisman in one hand, pulled herself back onto the boat. A gust of salty wind blew daggers against her drenched flesh. She settled down to begin rowing.

"Well I'll be damned," Elaine shivered violently, "The oars are gone."

As if nothing could worsen Elaine's plight, gusts of wind grew to torrents of wind; the cresent moon glowed with a strange ferocity; and the Mêlee sea bubbled, churned, and surged.

"I bet something freaky is going to happen now," Elaine thought wryly. She was not surprised when the talisman began to speak.

"Oop Oop EEK," the monkey head muttered sadly.

"Uh. Hello." Elaine spoke hesitantly. "Who? No, I mean what are you?"

"I was the most fearsome of all evil ghost pirates, the once mighty LeChuck." The shrivelled monkey head tried to work its facial expressions into something pitiful but instead became more grotestesque.

"No way," Elaine laughed mirthlessly, "Guybrush, this isn't funny."

"Elaine will you love me, even if I'm a shrivelled monkey head necklace?" The monkey head croaked.

"Wait, I thought you said you were LeChuck. There's no way I'm loving LeChuck--that low-life scum."

"Oot Ooo Aahh!" The monkey head shrieked in fury, "Of course I am LeChuck!" He paused and asked calmly, "You're still married to that dummy head aren't you??"

"The only dummy head I know is you," Elaine retorted, "So tell me, how did you become a monkey head, anyway?"

"When I blew myself up, most of my remains scattered into this sea here, and that's where my spiritual essence melded together again, but into a voodoo talisman. Trust me dearie, I didn't choose the shrivelled monkey head and matching earings for me new body. It's all a bloody cosmic joke."

"Why was Guybrush wearing you?"

"Why don't you ask him?" LeChuck grinned.

"So you're a voodoo talisman, right?"

"Aye, and not just any voodoo talisman but a CURSED one too, my dear. I'm guarenteed to curse one soul a year for the first ten years and two souls a year after that."

"No," Elaine cried in agitation.

LeChuck laughed in a hoarse monkey giggle, "Your precious scum of a husband was the first to be cursed."

"What did you do to him?" Elaine demanded angrily and waved her fist at LeChuck, who was in her other hand.

"Oh he went to a better place," LeChuck answered, "The charm of my curse is that it grants the cursed a wish; yet, the wish becomes a curse. Most wishes are like that."  

1. "Maybe I should throw your ugly face into the ocean, unless if you tell me where Guybrush is."
2. "You liar! You killed my husband. I have a shotgun and I will use it! "
3. "Oh well, I never liked Guybrush anyway."

 "HA HA HA!" LeChuck laughed his peculiar monkey laugh, "Hold yer horses madame. Don't worry about your pirate-wannabe; the boy is as well as a barnacle, for now. You probably don't want to kill me, since you can't kill me, and I know how to find your man and lift the curse."

Elaine remained in silent anger.

"Of course I can't help you save your husband without some of your ladyship's help."

"And that is?"

"All I need is love," sang LeChuck in a squeaky voice, "That's all I ask for, in return for me services. HA HA HA!"

"What makes you think I trust you?"

"Trust me or don't trust me. All the same your Guybrush dies in a week. HA HA HA!"

"Stop your laughing. It's annoying." Elaine snapped.

"Ok. HA--Ahem."

"I'm going to listen to you this time. If I die, then I'll only have to torment you for all of eternity. HA HA HA!" Elaine smiled dreamily and became lost in her thoughts.

"Well then, we're headed to Valhalla Island." LeChuck resumed eagerly, "I've haunted the Valhallan pirates in the good ole days of my undeadness. Now I just know that Valhallan pirates drink the best grog of all the Carribean. Few know the whereabouts of this pirate resort. If you're lucky, we might find a captain who knows the way."

1. "I've had a long day. Let's go home."
2. "Maybe I should throw your ugly face into the ocean, unless if you tell me where Guybrush is."
3. "You liar! You killed my husband. I have a shotgun and I will use it! "
4. "Oh well, I never liked Guybrush anyway."

 Elaine tossed the monkey head LeChuck into the sea. LeChuck gave a shriek as he splashed into the water. The shrivelled head began to swell and finally grew to the size of a cantelope.

"Elaine, why?" The bloated head moaned.

Elaine shielded herself as the head exploded into a gooey mess and receded into the bubbly waters. Suddenly a flash of light blinded Elaine.

Upon opening her eyes, Elaine was shocked to see the sea calm and the shrivelled head in her hand. "I hate deja vu."

Elaine gazed spitefully at LeChuck and said,

1. "Maybe I should throw your ugly face into the ocean, unless if you tell me where Guybrush is."
2. "You liar! You killed my husband."
3. "What just happened, you back-stabbing, yellow-bellied, double-crossing seaweed?"

 "I know nothing about blinding flashes of light," LeChuck said innocently, "I'm just a reincarnated, undead pirate. Aren't you a little curious about your husband?"

1. "I am now, yes."
2. "No."

 "Sure," LeChuck said doubtfully.

"Then perhaps you could grant me a wish."

"Sorry. One customer per year."

Ignoring LeChuck, Elaine closed her eyes and wished, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a pair of oars."

"What are you doing?!" LeChuch shrieked.

Red smoke rapidly swirled around them and Elaine began to glow. When the smoke, which smelled like cajun spice, finally engulfed Elaine, the glow faded suddenly and the smoke began to dissipate.

Elaine rubbed her eyes and realized that a pair of oars was in her lap. "Well that was handy!"

 Elaine laid down the talisman and prepared herself for more boating. A gust of salty wind blew daggers against her drenched flesh. She settled down and began rowing towards the beach. She walked into town, and saw the familiar sights and sounds of Mêlee Island: drunken pirates, pirates of low moral fiber, drunken pirates passing out, drunken pirates staggering and hiccuping down the street, and street vendors selling stolen loot. The cool, nighttime breeze dried Elaine's clothes, and brought along the fresh scent of fermented grog. Following the smell of grog to the SCUMM BAR, which had a decorative banner, she walked into a dim and stuffy bar, where many pirates gather to be intoxicated.

Elaine approached a table with familiar faces; she approached some important looking pirate leaders.

"Hey boys, I'm the former govenor of Melee Island."

Two of the important looking pirates grunted in acknowledgement of her presence, and the other stared at her in amazement.

"What do you know about this--" Elaine displayed her monkey head voodoo thing.

"No idea," said the first pirate and was echoed in verbatim by the next two.

"I demand information. Don't you know who I am?"

"Nope," they replied in a similar echo effect.

"I am a hot pirate chick," Elaine replied feistily, "If you give me information, I will give you pleasure."

"HA HA HA!" The pirates roared heartily and one took a gulp of grog, "You don't need to give us what we will take. HA HA HA!"

"What if I told you that this monkey head is LeChuck," Elaine retorted as she flushed with anger.

The pirates became silent, and the pirate wearing a blue coat asked meekly, "What would we know about that, Missus Guv'nor Elaine?"

"What if I told you that this is a voodoo talisman that has LeChuck's spirit inside, and its curse is so great, it's power is only exceeded by LeChuck's bad breathe?"

"Ugh, well we've got to run, Miss. Billy here get's bad heartburn when he's downed too much grog." The important looking pirates stood up and hastily left the bar.

Other pirates had overheard the conversation and became silent . A dog howled. Suddenly the pirates decided unanimously that happy hour had ended and scrambled out of the bar en masse. The only pirate that remained was still passed out in the back of the room.

"You!" Elaine addressed the drunk, "Wake up."

"Pretzels, my pretzels," The drunk slurred in his sleep.

"I've been govenor for this long and you think I don't know what you're up to?"

Meanwhile the cook, not the French one but the rotund and miserable one of the original Scumm Bar, wabbled briskly out of the kitchen to inspect the bar. He noted that all that guests had left except the homeless drunk, and the hired wenches had gone with the guests; he didn't notice anything unusual. The cook stopped to talk to the barkeep and Mr. Cheese, who was sitting at his private table.

"Business has been good lately, eh Mr. Ignatius?" The cook commented.

"Aye matey. Now that the pirates are free to marauder the seas, some of them actually pay to have a drink," Ignatius Cheese agreed.

"It's a pity we only force underaged drinkers to pay, HAR HAR HAR," the barkeep joked and added, "It's for prosperity--I mean--posterity."

The three profiteers guffawed and pounded each other on the back.

Elaine sighed and turned her attention back to the drunk, "Shibby Chesterfield I...need your help."

The drunk raised his head and gave her a crooked smile. "Me? Me Shibby?"

"Yes," Elaine said in a tired voice, "Take a look at this talisman, and tell me where Guybrush is."

Elaine handed Shibby the monkey head and he sniffed it. "Dude where am I and what is this in my hand? Is it a llama? OMIGOD It's a lla--"

"You are here and you will answer my question. NOW."

"Are you sure I'm not too drunk?" Shibby asked earnestly.

"You're not drunk. You are always like this."

"Oh yeah," Shibby remembered suddenly. He closed his eyes and prepared to speak of things strange and mystical, "Why don't you ask the Voodoo lady about this?"

"I don't know where she is," Elaine replied, "She relocates everytime Guybrush kills LeChuck."

"Ok," Shibby seemed satisfied, "You're boyfriend's trapped on this paradise island called Valhalla. He's drinking tons of grog...wow he's learned how to do this thing where he breakdances and then spits into the air and then breakdances some more and then catches his spit in his mouth! DUUDE! Wow and he's breakdancing with a troupe of naked, obese wenches, and super servile slaves feed them. Then--"

"Goodbye now Shibby," Elaine said as she took back the talisman and back away, "I'm off to save my husband and then kill him."

Shibby jumped out of his seat and followed her, "Oh let me come with you!"

"Well..." Elaine said indecisively and then suspiciously asked, "Why?"

"I can help?" Shibby suggested and decided, "I can help!"

1. "You can be the cook on my ship."
2. "No way."
3. "If you swab the decks, it's a deal."

   "I'm the cook, I'm the cook, I'm the cooooook!" Shibby sang happily and jumped up and down. After his elation passed, Shibby stood quietly and passed out at a nearby table.

Elaine walked toward the three Scumm Bar personel, who were chatting around Mr. Cheese and said, "Excuse me, Mr. Ignatius Cheese? I have a job offer for you."

"Ahoy! A job for me?!" Ignatius chortled, "The last time I left my post as the owner of this Scumm Bar, some land developer bought my bar and turned it into a cheesy tourist attraction. It's taken me a fortune to make the place dirty and sordid enough to suit my pirate clientele. Only lately have I been making a few pieces o' eight here and there, so naw thanks miss."

"I'm travelling to Valhalla, an island renown for its amusement park, grog, and casinoes. I want you to captain my ship, and in return you get an all expense paid trip to this resort island for as long as it takes for me to save Guybrush."

"Hmm, would that be 1 week or 2?" Ignatius asked.

"Since it is Guybrush, I'd estimate a good month or two."

"I would like to, but somebody has to run my bar. If I run off, I might lose my customers forever."

1. "I'll give you 500 pieces o' eight to captain my ship."
2. "I'll give you 1000 pieces o' eight to captain my ship."
3. "Is there anyone who can take care of your bar during your absence?"
4. "Guybrush is on Valhalla island and I can't save him without your help. Will you captain my rescue ship for no charge?"
5. "Do you know any captains who know the way to Valhalla?"

  "That's a bit low," said Ignatius, "I might reconsider if you give me something gross for me to gross out my pirate friends."

"The only thing gross I have is the severed hand of my old boyfriend."

"That's too common."

"Well I do have this shrivelled monkey head that is also a cursed voodoo talisman."

"Now that looks interesting!"

"Well you can't have that," Elaine said hastily and asked,

1. "I'll give you 1000 pieces o' eight to captain my ship."
2. "Is there anyone who can take care of your bar during your absence?"
3. "Guybrush is on Valhalla island and I can't save him without your help. Will you captain my rescue ship as a friend?"
4. "Do you know any captains who know the way to Valhalla?"

  "I doubt that. I only trust those who can out-insult me, and very few people have beaten me at insult arm wrestling."

"If I find someone who can outwit you, will you come with me?"

"Nah, I'm still bitter that Guybrush Cheapwood defeated me at my own game. I'd like to keep my claim on second place."

1. "I'll give you 1000 pieces o' eight to captain my ship."
2. "Is there anyone who can take care of your bar during your absence?"
3. "Guybrush is on Valhalla island and I can't save him without your help. Will you captain my rescue ship as a friend?"
4. "Do you know any captains who know the way to Valhalla?"

  "HA! I am the only certified captain on this island," Ignatius boasted.

"No wonder you charge such high rates," Elaine remarked, "Then I'm going to find an uncertified captain who can get this job done."

"Don't get me wrong. I love sailing the high seas, barking orders at my crewmates, battling death, scurvy, and Spanish ships, and discovering new lands of paradise. But I can't come. A pirate's gots to drink grog and I's gots to supply it."

Elaine turned to the barkeeper, "It seems that Mr. Ignatius suddenly thinks that he's the barkeeper. I'd like to offer you the job of captain."

"Whaddya say, boss?" The gnarly, middle aged barkeep asked eagerly.

"Not in your wildest dreams! Get back to work. We're losing money because of your daydreaming!"

"Yes sir!" The barkeep answered with discipline and then whispered to Elaine, "Sorry. The boss is still very adamant. I'm an indentured barkeep and my contract doesn't expire for another 39 years."

Elaine covered her eyes in exasperation, "I wonder how Guybrush solved this problem."

"Well, he snuck into my kitchen and stole a slab of fish meat," the cooked piped up suddenly, "Thankfully the meat was prepared for fish bait."

"Sailor, I didn't hire you to stand around and talk about fish bait," Mr. Ignatius reprimanded the cook, "Get back to your kitchen. The customers are waiting and time is money."

"Yessir," said the cook and he promptly wabbled back to his kitchen.

"There are no customers," Elaine informed Mr. Cheese, "I scared them away, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Ignatius reflected, "Guybrush was a good lad."

"Yes," Elaine murmured sadly, "Let's have some grog in his memory. Barkeep, grog me!"

"What would you like?" The barkeep asked.

"Do you have some Bloody Mermaid on a Blue Humpback Whale?"

"Nope."

"Dried Turtle with a Pair of Salted Boots, extra thick?"

"No, sorry, we're fresh out."

"Carribean Crabby Marguerita? Columbian Three Leaf rummy? Blue Mermaid Tail Blood?"

"Nope. Sorry, no. And not today."

"How about some plain Grog?"

"Hey Cook," The barkeep shouted, "Do we have any Grog left?"

"NO," The cook shouted in negative.

"This is a bar isn't it?" Elaine asked, "How can you not have any drinks? The pirates I scared away had plenty of drink. Where's my share?"

"Well you came at a bad time, Miss," Mr. Cheese said apologetically, "We do have something to drink."

"What's that?" Elaine demanded.

"Um boss," the barkeep interrupted quietly, "The ale is really stale tonight."

"Ah, so you see," Mr. Cheese said triumphantly, "Our ale, which we have in stock, is stale tonight."

'I'll take some," Elaine slapped down 5 pieces o' eight on the counter.

"Um," the barkeep delayed nervously, "Our ale is really, really, really, well you know, stale."

"Yeah, you wouldn't want it. Trust us." Mr. Cheese affirmed.

"What kind of bar is this anyway? You don't have anything to drink!" Elaine accused angrily, "Admit it, you don't have any ale at all!"

"Look, we can explain," Mr. Cheese tried to calm her, "Actually we can't explain; I can't explain; it's a mystery. Alright I give in, I'll be your captain."

Proceed to Chapter 2

 "Too LATE!" A voice shouted, "HA HA HA!"

Elaine awoke from her dreams and recognized her bedroom within the Govenor's mansion. She was laying on her bed which was next to another single bed, Guybrush's bed. Elaine's bedroom was similar to her bedroom on Phatt Island. The map of the island hung above the beds, a large window was to the right of the beds, an old-fashioned chest lay at the foot of each bed containing Elaine and Guybrush's possessions, a dressing stand was to the left of the beds, and opposite the beds were Elaine's armoire and dresser. A framed picture of Elaine and Guybrush on their wedding day stood on Elaine's dresser, along with her make-up accessories, pistols, cutlass, shots of gunpowder, and the severed hand of Elaine's first boyfriend. Plastic plants decorated the corners of the room, and Guybrush's boxers hung on Elaine's chair.

"I can't believe Guybrush forgot his boxers again!" Elaine moaned, "What do I have to do? Dress him every morning?"

Picking up the shorts, Elaine exited the room, descended the stairs, and went to the main room of the mansion.