Most of the class sat in their seats and talked amongst themselves. Matt, Jason, and Brad sat on the ventilator and hoped that Mr. Warning would notice. This occurs everyday on a Deja vu basis.

"I think I'm going to climb out the window," Matt said. He darted at glance at Mr. Warning sitting a few feet away at his desk.

"Do it," said Chris and pushed open the window invitingly.

Matt grinned wolfishly and pushed he head out the window, "Hey it's nice out!"

Mr. W looked up and decided to act,"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, heeeeeey, hey, HEY, hello, hey, hey, HEY you! You, the kid with the hair and the ugly chin! Get your face back into the classroom! MY GOD! What is that on your head?"

Matt returned to his seat, "You mean my goatee?"

"Yes! And that goes for you too, Jason and Brad. Return to your seats!"

"Ok, Mr. Warning," Brad said docily with a stupid grin.

"Don't talk to me." Mr. Warning snapped at Brad.

"But--" Brad grinned some more.

"No, just don't talk." Mr. Warning was getting agitated.

"Ok." Brad rolled his eyes and muttered something.

"Your name goes on the board for insulence, dammit!" Mr. W said and writes Brad's name on the board. He then returned to stare at Matt strange and deformed head, "Why don't you have any hair?"

Matt laughed sheepishly and exchanged glances with Jason, "I shaved my head. I've still got a centimeter of hair left."

Mr. Warning lifted his hands in abhorance and suddenly forgets Matt, "Today, class, we will talk about--"

Matt whispered something funny to Jason.

Mr. Warning suddenly stopped and glared at Matt, who stared back with a silly smile, "What did you say? What were you just saying while I was giving my lecture?"

"I was..." Matt looked around the room with his same grin, "I was just saying how...uh...the bill of rights has 10 amendments. It's really funny"

"I don't like you," Mr. Warning told him, "Did I ever tell you how much I dislike you?"

"Yes." Matt blurted and tried to contain his laughter.

"Well, then let me reiterate. I dislike you, whatever your name is. I will never like you and never have," Mr. Warning stared at the goofy face, "My god, you're ugly. If I knew your name, I bet it's ugly too. SO there."

Matt and Jason both cracked up and writhed in their seats with merriment.

Mr. Warning now turned his wrath to Jason, "YOU! I don't like you either. Why do you always ace my tests--I hate you!"

Jason shrugged humorlessly and mumbled something incoherant.

Mr. W turns back at the smirking Matt and points an accusing finger at him, "And you! You've don't even know what the textbook looks like. Why do you always get the highest score in class? You CHEATER!"

"Hey, Mr. Warning," Brad yelled, "Do you want to hear a baby-in-a-blender joke?"

"O MY GOD, NO!" Mr. Warning yelled a little too loudly, "I mean, I said, don't talk to me."

Political Parties

"I HATE SUNIL!" Mr. W screamed almost randomly, "That Sunil is always arguing with me. Now he's made me so mad, I'm never going to let his class play current events."

Laughter and snickers ensue.

"YOU people are just as bad," Mr. W continues, "I hate you--I HATE you all!"

The unanimous class laughter grows louder.

"Especially, you," Mr. W points at Rache. "He's always giving me trouble."

"But he never talks," Kiera is confused.

"AND her," Mr. W points at me. The class turns around to gape at me.

I wake up from my nap and notice people staring at me.

"Now," Mr. W calms down, "I'm going to hand back the scantrons to the test you took a few months ago. I just found them yesterday, along with fifty other things I haven't graded yet. So, I decided to put them in the grading machine. You know, I don't get paid enough for this job. I work so hard ENRICHING your minds and what do I get? Nothing!"

"Yes you do," Kiera said, "You get paid and you don't have to work during summer vacation."

"Hah, enriching," Jason snickers to Matt.

Mr. W hands back the papers one by one. "These tests were, by the way, horrible. I've failed you all--HAH. Well, except for Hodavance--do you ever get anything wrong? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?"

Hodavance reacts with an embarrased smile.

"I aced it too," Matt grinned.

"Shut up! You cheated. You're in league with the scantron machine--don't talk to me!" Mr. W snapped, "I made these tests myself and I purposely made all the questions so vague that there IS no wrong answer. Since I'm god of Scantron, I dictate the right bubble to fill--HAH!"

Caleb smacks his head, "Another D? Mr. Warning, why? WHY?"

Chris taps Caleb on the shoulder, "Hey, it's alright, man, I got an F."

Caleb and Chris exchange grins and shrugs.

"Wait, Mr. W, what's the question to number five?" Kiera raised her hand and she looked puzzled.

"NO, I'm not giving you anymore points." Mr. W exploded, "End of discussion."

"But, Mr. Warning," Jason raised his hand, "Question twenty three is..."

Mr. W raised an eyebrow, "Got one wrong didn't you?"

"Yes, but anyway--"

"HAH I win!" Mr. W did a little victory dance.

"Can I--"

"No, Sunil already argued with me on every question and EVERY choice," Mr. W's eyes bulge maniacally, "I had to give him five points, but no more. I'm the teacher--dammit--and I put a stop to this thing you call negotiating. I hearby end all haggling for points!"

"But, I had an erasure error," Jason managed.

"You are wrong and I am RIGHT!" Mr. W then suddenly looks lost for a moment, "Oh."

Wall of Separation

It is yet another day in government class and nobody wanted to do anything.

"Mr. Warning, can we play current events?" Kiera asked.

Several others began to clamor for the ever-enjoyable game. What follows is a summary of what occurs every time we play Current Events.

"Fine," Mr. Warning muttered, "But only if you promise to be good little children, or else I'll make it nap time you hear?"

Jason K mumbles in his sleep, "I like nap time."

"Now, who wants to be scorekeeper?" Mr. W continued.

"I do," Caleb said as he ran to the board, "Now my team's going to win. Heh heh heh."

Mr. Warning rolled his eyes and protested loudly, "Dear Lord, why me? Why did it have to be me? Mother of mercy, please oh please, forgive my sins, do not let these demon spawn in the form of high school seniors tear out my--"

"Are you allowed to lead a prayer like that?" the awake Jason C asks.

"Yes, are you?" Kiera demanded, "I'm already offended because I'm Jewish. I'm going to have all my relatives sue you stupid Catholics now."

"OH No, anything but that!" Mr. W cried mockingly in protest.

"Well, if you always let me be dictator of Current Events, I think I can let you slide." Kiera beamed and was suddenly filled with benevolence.

Mr. Warning considered for a moment and suddenly agreed, "It's a deal!"

Kiera bounded eagerly to the front of the room and grabbed the current event paper and started her quiz show. Meanwhile Caleb made obscene gestures, faces, and jokes behind Kiera. The class laughs at random things.

"Caleb!" Kiera turned upon him wrathfully. "Excuse me, but I believe I was speaking."

Caleb looked at her oddly and grinned facetiously at the class. The class looked on. The boys cheered for Caleb, Kiera's mafia cheered for her, and I looked on passively. "Nooooo, Kiera, I was speaking."

Kiera ignored him and moved on to the next question. "In 1778, George--Yes?"

Matt put his hand down and said abruptly, "George Washington!"

"No, let me finish the question," Kiera said curtly. "Yes, Jason?"

"Abraham Lincoln!"

"NO." Kiera began to get annoyed, "Yes, the other Jason who just awoke. You really shouldn't be sleeping in class."

In his low voice, "How is this current events. I mean, come on! 1778? What is this, Kiera? What are you up to? HUH?"

"Ugh!" Kiera threw up her hands in desperations, "Does anyone know the answer? Anyone? Just someone say the right answer."

"Yeah," Guy began, "What is with this current events game if it isn't even current?"

Voices pipped up in agreement.

Kiera huffed and puffed, "Are you people playing or NOT?!"

Caleb offered, "I'm playing."

"Shut up," Kiera snapped, "You're just the score keeper."

Brandon laughed and said, "Oooo, she told you!"

Caleb pretended to be offended and turned away, "Ohh, I see how it is now. I'm just the scorekeeper. Fine, have it your way. I won't participate then. So there!"

"Caleb," Kiera said with a tired voice, "That's not what I meant."

Matt, meanwhile, discovered that he was wearing shoes. "Ooo..."

No one noticed Matt fiddling with his oddly shapped shoes. Most of the class is talking amongst themselves, some speaking of the curious antiquated nature of "Current Events."

Mr. Warning had been in a torpor in his seat, but suddenly lept out of the chair and pointed at Matt with fear. "YOU!"

Matt looked up innocently from the shoes in his hands, "What?"

Mr. W was flabbergasted, "Wh-wh-why are your shoes in your hands and not on your feet?"

Matt looks at them and shrugs, "Oh, I don't know, my feet got itchy and hot. I think I've got athletes' foot. I like the shoe laces too. Do you want to see?"

"Ewwwww--put them on--put them on NOW--oh my Lord!" Mr. W wrung his hands like an old woman.

"Ok." Matt puts his shoes on without a fuss.

In his excitement, Mr. W knocks over his coffee cup and screams, "Oh shit!"

The class roared with laughter.

Mr. W pointed at Kim, "You, what are you doing sitting there? This spill is a woman's job. Woman, go fetch me some paper towels."

Kim pretended to look displeased at her chance to suck up to the teacher, "Very well."

Meanwhile Kiera looked on patiently but was growing ever more irate, "MAY I continue, please?"

Mr. W waved his hands carelessly and returned to his state of torpor at his desk, "Yes, yes."

"In April of 2000, Janet Reno--yes Brandon?"

"You know," Brandon began with a highly amused smile, "One time on Saturday Night Live--"

"You people are impossible!" Kiera shrieked and stormed back to her seat.

Civil Liberties

"As a woman, I believe that we should have the choice to do whatever we like with our bodies. I'm Catholic too, but Pro-lifers have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body," Kim argued passionantly.

"Personally," Mr. W said, "I believe that life begins at conception. If we don't protect those fetuses, who will?"

I raised my hand quietly.

Mr. W spotted me and made wild gestures at the class,"Everybody, be quiet, I think Nancy's going to speak for the first time in class. Shhh! Yes?"

"All this talk about pro-life makes me wonder," I said very seriously, "Maybe we should be concerned about cow fetuses too."

The class, as well as Mr. W, exploded into laughter. Jason and a few others grew red with humor and snuck incredulous looks at me.

Mr. W, unable to contain his laughter, said, "We are only concerned about human fetuses."

"But, I like cows." I protested passively with a smile.

More laughter ensued and some snickered, 'cows fetuses' and 'we should save the cows.'

Protest

Mr W. Walks into the room in a fury. He throws down his papers and sits sulkily into his seat. "I hate this shitty job! They don't pay me enough."

The class looks on silently and in amazement.

"Don't talk to me." Mr. W snapped at the class, "I'm not teaching you people. Go on. Have a study hall. I don't care!"

We comply but exchange humorous glances.