|
Add walls, barricades, dugouts, and watchtowers around your yard.
Don't forget to plant mines in your flower garden to detonate pesky intruders (like your neighbors' dogs).
Declare that you are communist
Proclaim yourself highest and mighty ruler of your own kingdom. Decree that your house is your castle and your yard is
your country. You can even make your mailbox the capitol of your country.
Contact the so called "government", such as the US government, and pester them to add your
country into the map.
Distribute promotional pamphlets about your yard and begin accepting tourists.
Tell everyone you've been to Cuba
In class, take particular care to pledge the flag (even when no one else in your class does and
it doesn't matter which nation your flag symbolizes),
and sing loudly along with the national anthem (or sing the national anthem of your own country while
the current one is playing) then cry for an encore.
Tell everyone you've been to China
Wear a fake moustache
Speak with a funny accent or lisp
Declare war on your neighbors. Begin by buying many dogs that will dig up their landscaping,
then begin demolishing their homes by buying more dogs. With enough dogs the stench of their
waste is enough to drive any neighbor away. Be careful to remove your dogs before health officials come to
inspect your headquarters, unless if you declare war on them too.
Declare war on Afghanistan. Attempt to buy a tank and nuclear warheads in preparation for
the assault. If you succeed parade around the neighborhood in your tank and wave at everyone
in a military fashion.
When people leave things (like a purse, watch, or book) unattended, steal it in the name of
your dictator (yourself), your country (your yard), or communism.
Try to catch kids off the street and sentence them to death for treason if they do no serve you.
Deify yourself. Write a bible in the glory of yourself. Try to sell it on amazon.com
Try to contact other dictators (Castro, that guy in china, Arafat) and tell the secretary that you are
an important and crucial alliance to their nation.
Create a terrorist organization with the kids you kidnap off the streets. Employ the kids to
egg peoples' homes every wednesday and toilet paper their trees every friday.
When the UN is holding their yearly televised summit at New York, sneak through security, barge into
the conference and give a speech that glorifies yourself, your house, your yard, and fascism. If security
gaurds come to deal with you, take a few hostages (Secretary of Defense, any foreign minister) and
continue your panegyrization. If state troopers come, page or cell phone
your army of kidnapped kids to counter the
assault.
Never leave your house without wearing your royal or military uniform.
Dress in the attire of ancient celtic kings (or whatever your background is) and
ask people what they're staring at. |
