| Always stop at all crossings to check for approaching trains. Stopping directly on the tracks will offer the clearest view. |
| If you must walk down the tracks for some reason, be sure to walk facing backwards so no train sneaks up from behind you. |
| If you wait at a crossing gate with its arms down and lights flashing for more than seven seconds, that means no trains are coming. Ease 'er on through the crossbars, being sure to have the confident look of a true leader. Everyone else can sit there and wait like mindless lambs. Or, they can follow The Man. |
| Fifteen feet from any railroad crossing, light a red fusee traffic flare, and hold it in your teeth. It's an old railroad signal that means "I'm stupid." |
| Go ahead and race that train to the crossing! Thanks to plastic moulding, all modern cars are actually engineered to withstand the assaulting forces of a locomotive in a high-speed, side-on encounter. |
| If you are stuck right on the tracks, and find that your seat belt won't release, and a fully-loaded 150-car freight train is bearing down on you, quick-- throw some pennies on the tracks. At least the rescue / clean-up crew will have some cool flattened pennies. |
| New laws in most states recognize the importance of our vehicular traffic flow to national security, and now require trains to stop for all cars. Go ahead, flaunt this new right-of-way. |
| Hey, don't fool yourself-- your tiny plastic-box-of-a-car is no match for Casey Jones and his diesel-turbine fortress. That's why you should buy a train and do all your commuting on the tracks. |
| Find that 'Someone in the kitchen with Dinah' and tell him to knock it off. |
| Show America's trains they're appreciated. Every once in a while, dress up like Sir Topham Hat and say nice things to the trains down at the station, making regal gestures. |
| When being chased by a train, jump off the tracks. Unless you're a cartoon character. Then just run down them. |
| Go down to Joe Hopper's place along the tracks and do that horn-arm-pumping motion to passing trains all through the night. I don't like Joe Hopper. |