Must be thinking why the title 'First'? Actually used this title cos it's the first ever commentary that I'll pen...or rather, type. Duh...nvm. Let's continue. Have been listening to sappy love songs the whole day...the kind that sounds like the singer's crying while singing. I'm not that kindda guy that loves love songs that much...but once in a while, I do enjoy the ambience when the feeling's right. And I guess today's one of those days when I just feel like playing those soft love songs while sitting down thinking about the events which led me feeling this way.
I think this year, had been caught up in quite a lot of stuff... A lot of things that I enjoyed in secondary sch and college days became secondary as how I'm called to serve this year. I like what I'm doing now... And of course the lines that Melvin Mak once said continually rang in my mind - 'Only one life that will soon be past, but what is done for Christ would last'. Never fails to spur me on whenever disappointments sets in. But sometimes you get caught up with the enstranglements that you thought you'll never experience again, well, al least for this year.
Things can get pretty tough if you deal with things emotionally...or when you develop emotions. (I'm trying to be discreet here...) Sometimes, a person may come along your way and you find chemistry with her. As time pass, you know you're falling for her. But you also know that you are not supposed to because of one reason or another. Maybe you fear rejection, or maybe you're tired. Love not returned? You know you need time to pull yourself out. And of course, to get your priorities right again. Yup... these thoughts are running through my mind even as the background music's playing one sappy song after another. It's nice falling in love once in a while... but again, it comes with the complications of posessiveness, jealousy when she tells you how this other guy had a nice dinner with her and pouring his life out to her...but hey, there's also the beautiful memories of movies, those long walks home...and all that. Well, I just want to savour this moment a little longer. I wanna fall in love a little longer... to think of what we can go thru together...and what we've once gone thru. Let the songs settle in a little while more. Because later, I'll shack off these shackles... In a while's time I'll turn off the stereo. And I'll be in love with her no more. I'll choose to walk again in the purpose set for me. Nevermind my goals and visions are 'idealistic' to some...I'll continue to run the race. ,And my wish is that before I leave, I want to be able to repeat those words that Apostle Paul said before he died-
'I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith'.
Dec 2001
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