“Happy Birthday to you,” a group of people sang to a confused, yet obviously happy, little girl on a bright sunny day in September, blanketed under the protective shade of some maple trees.
“Happy Birthday to you.” Her various aunts and uncles, some blood related and others having the title bestowed upon them, alternately made silly faces to her and snapped quick pictures.
“Happy Birthday dear Natalie Philomena Lyman.” Her grandmothers stood with the younger people, thinking back to all the generations of birthday parties they’d attended over the years.
“Happy Birthday to you.” Her proud parents beamed down at her while holding each other’s hands, reminiscing about what it took for them to get this beautiful child, to get to this moment.
“And many more!” Her older sister added not to be outdone, stretching the words out as long as she could.
“Amen to that,” Uncle T.J. agreed, ruffling his older niece’s head while bouncing his five month-old son, Shawn, on his knee and taking his officially of one year today wife’s hand. The group nodded their consensus and turned their attention back to the guest of honor.
“Okay, sweetie, let’s blow out the candle,” her father whispered into her ear, pointing her towards the large, square cake on the picnic table adorned with pink and yellow frosted flowers and a giant donkey which had been her father’s doing. He’d just received some polling numbers a few days before that showed him holding an almost twelve point lead over his sluggish incumbent challenger. It looked like the Lyman’s were headed back to DC come November and everyone on the campaign was doing everything possible to ensure victory. More speeches, national television and radio appearances; there were even two photographers on hand at the party to take some pictures for the local papers.
Natalie shook her head vigorously, her brown curls shaking wildly. “No!” she replied, a bright smile on her face and her blue eyes radiant with joy. Her first words had been just days ago and while the first one out of her mouth had been ‘Ma’, her most frequent was definitely ‘No’. She didn’t even really know what it meant; she just seemed to like saying it, a habit her parents could only pray she’d grow out of.
Donna rolled her eyes and let out a little groan. “Please baby?” she asked, kneeling down beside her highchair. “Please? Be a big, big girl and blow out the candle for Mommy.” She leaned in close and gently nipped Natalie’s nose, an action that always sent her into hysterics.
She got the desired result as peals of the baby’s laughter erupted from within her. When she calmed a little, though, her answer remained the same. “No!”
Emma came up beside her sister, next to the cake, and took one of the baby’s chubby little hands in her own. “Come on, Natty, let’s blow out the candle.” Still getting nothing from her little sister and wanting to get some cake, Emma tried a different tactic. “Do you want me to help you, Natty? Do you want Emmy to help you?”
“Emmy!” the baby squealed happily, reaching out for her big sister and grabbing on to one of her long, blonde ponytails. She may have only been a one year-old but already she’d do anything her older sister asked of her and vice-versa.
“Okay,” Emma agreed as she untangled herself from Natalie’s grasp, pretending it was a big hardship though everyone knew that she’d walk across fire for her sister. She kneeled on the bench next to Natalie’s highchair and leaned over to the cake. “Ready? One, two, three!” Emma sucked in a big breath and blew out the one candle with a force that rated at least a dozen or so candles. The group let out a great little cheer and Donna proceeded to get her cake cutting operation underway.
The adults began to converse about the various topics in their lives, ranging from parenthood to politics to pruning roses in their gardens. The adults got so engrossed in a discussing the merits of home ownership that they didn’t notice what was transpiring near the cake until it was too late.
“Oh my God!” Nicole cried, bursting out in laughter as she spied her two nieces at the head of the table. Everyone else turned to look and mixed amusement with groans.
The two girls, but most likely the older one, had decided they didn’t want to wait anymore for cake and had plunged into it. Unfortunately, they forgot that people usually used utensils for that sort of thing. Their hands and faces were covered with chocolate frosting and what was once the birthday cake lay before them in shambles.
“Emma Antonia!” Donna cried as she rushed to separate the ruined desert from her daughters. She proceeded to try to wipe them as clean as she could while the other adults either tried to help her or went back to their conversations. “You know better than that young lady. This is not how big girls going into the third grade a whole year early behave now is it?”
She hung her head down forlornly and jutted out her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Mommy,” she apologized contritely.
“S’arry,” Natalie tried to copy, her little tongue twisting around the word.
Josh came up behind his slightly frazzled wife and put his arms around her. “Oh come on, cut them some slack” he comforted her, resting his head on her shoulder. “There are only so many times in a person’s life when it’s acceptable for them to dive head first out of a birthday cake like these two have so eloquently demonstrated.”
“Unless they become strippers, then they’ll be doing that a lot,” Gus threw out offhandedly. Everyone shot him a look that could melt metal and he got the message loud and clear. “Yeah, so I’ll just bring Natalie inside and get her cleaned up,” he said hurriedly. He unstrapped the child and lifted her to him. “Come on Birthday Girl, let’s get inside before your daddy takes a hit out on me!”
“Us!” Natalie yelped, raising her chocolate covered hands and smearing them all over Gus’s face.
Toby laughed gleefully next to him as Gus approached the house with the baby. “Serves you right, Junior.” He wasn’t laughing though when Gus deliberately walked up behind him, giving Natalie a very clear shot when she flung a glob of cake goop on top of his head.
“Serves you right, Gramps,” Gus replied as he brought the baby inside to get cleaned up and the party continued on as normal.
Later that day, after the photographers and most of the guests had gone, the house was left with far fewer occupants. CJ and Rachel both headed to the airport, back to California and Florida respectively. Toby and Nicole returned to their newly purchased DC condominium for a long weekend. T.J., Ellie, and little Shawn ventured further north to visit with newlyweds, Charlie and Zoey Bartlet-Young in New York and Leo had been unable to attend, though he sent what seemed like a truckload of presents for both the Lyman girls. Numerous other friends, co-workers, and acquaintances sent their well-wishes also and by the end of the day, only Josh, Donna, their children, Gus, Donna’s grandmother Mena, and Josiah Bartlet remained. Emma was starting to come down with a flu bug and had been retired early while Gus was also upstairs studying for his new classes. After dinner, the remaining group spilt along gender lines with Josh and the former President enjoyed a drink in Josh’s study while Donna and her grandmother decide to take a casual stroll through the grounds with the baby.
The two women walked arm in arm quietly while Natalie toddled ahead of them, stopping every few seconds to examine a rock or a scrap of dirt.
“She’s such an angel,” Mena gushed quietly to her granddaughter. “Reminds me a bit of your mother when she was that age.”
Donna sighed wistfully as she gazed at her daughter. “I miss her so much some times. I look at the girls and Josh and I wonder what she would have thought of my life. You know, would she have approved of everything?”
“Bella, as long as you were safe and happy, she wouldn’t have cared if you became common trailer trash with a loser husband and twelve children,” the older woman assured her. She looked closely at her granddaughter’s face and saw a trace of sadness flicker through her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing…” Donna tried to shake her off.
“Donnatella Igraine, tell me what’s wrong right now,” Mena commanded gently. She went to retrieve the baby and brought both of them over to the deck, where she sat them all down on the porch swing. She placed the baby in her lap and took Donna’s hand in her own. “What happened?” she asked again after Donna still wouldn’t answer her.
Donna looked at Natalie as she played with Mena’s necklace and smiled sadly. “I thought I was pregnant again,” she finally admitted.
“Ah,” Mena replied as understanding dawned on her. “And you’re not, just…”
“Incredibly late, yes,” she finished. “I was going to go to my OB yesterday for a blood test but that morning I started my period.” She chuckled humorlessly for a minute. “I should be happy about this, you know. The timing would have been horrible. I mean we’d be setting up a house, getting Josh situated in the Senate, Emma would be in a new school and Natalie wouldn’t even be two yet. It’s like, my brain is overjoyed about this; it just can’t seem to convince my heart of the same thing.”
“There is a distinct reason why God made your heart and your head to separate entities,” Mena consoled her as she wrapped a free arm around her shoulder.
“And that distinct reason is?”
She shrugged her shoulders casually. “I don’t know, I’m just saying…” Donna let out a great laugh at that statement, comforted to know her grandmother’s sense of humor hadn’t diminished with age. “What did your husband think of all this?”
“He was disappointed,” Donna said, “but he’s a man. It’s different with them than it is for us.” She paused for a minute before she asked something she’d wondered for years. “How come you and Grampa didn’t have kids of your own? Did he not want…?”
“No we always wanted more children. We just didn’t have them because we couldn’t,” Mena told her frankly. “I had a C-Section with your mother and there were complications that back then they couldn’t fix. But your mother was enough for us. Your grandfather adored her as if she were his, much like Josh is with Emma. You’d never guess that he wasn’t biologically her father.” She laughed quietly to herself. “I can’t wait to see him when your girls make the boys come running to your doorstep. If he’s anything like your grandfather was, Emma and Natalie have a lot of problems ahead of them. Just make sure they know early on how to weed out the bad ones and not make the mistakes the rest of the women in this family seem to always make in the beginning.”
Donna pulled back and looked at Mena carefully. “You never liked my dad, did you?” she confronted her softly, not angry but simply stating unspoken facts. “You never wanted him and Mom together. You always said the most terrible things about him to her when you thought we weren’t listening.”
“You heard?” Mena asked, feeling guilty as she remembered all the times she and Donna’s mother, Toni, had lamented over Donna’s father when they thought the children weren’t around.
Donna nodded. “I don’t hate you for thinking that about him though,” she was quick to correct. “I mean I understand why you thought that about him. If the situation were reversed I’d probably say the same things. But still…he was my father.”
“Yes he was,” Mena agreed. “Have you heard from him at all lately?” Donna pursed her lips and shook her head. Mena let the silence linger before continuing, knowing she was treading on dangerous ground. Evan Moss was not a subject of wide discussion anymore among any of her grandchildren. “It is worth mentioning that he loved you kids and your mother very much. He was a good man before the drugs, I promise you that.”
Donna got up and started pacing in front of the swing while Mena looked on. “Maybe, but he hurt us so much Mena. Starting with Mom, when he made her marry him. She’d be the first to tell you that.” She started to giggle lightly as she began releasing years of pent up emotions through her ranting. “I’ll tell you, he has haunted us for so many years. Like a virus we just can’t get out of our systems. I mean, why do you think T.J. was such a little stoner in high school or why Nicole has run away from nearly every relationship she has ever had in her entire life? Why do you think I had…?” she stopped and rubbed her forehead, tears forming in her eyes.
“Why what?” The younger woman didn’t answer, just went to her grandmother and picked up the now quiet child. She held her to her shoulder and stroked her back lightly. “Donna…”
“Why I had an abortion when I was with Ben,” Donna admitted, shame etching every word she spoke. Mena looked at her grandchild with a mixture of shock and sympathy before she went up to stand beside her. “We’d just started dating and…” she paused to sniff, “he said he’d leave me and the baby all alone. I just didn’t know if I could do it then. And I knew you’d just go on and on about what a miserable excuse for a man Ben was so…” She closed her eyes as the memories washed over her. “He didn’t even go with me; I had to take a taxi there and back by myself and I sobbed the whole way both times. They didn’t even want to take me at the place because I was so upset but finally…they did and when I went home, I was so mad at him I didn’t even know how I angry was. I think I was just so determined to keep him happy, like Mom did with Daddy, that I didn’t see what I was doing to myself. Thank god I had Emma, otherwise I might still be that…”
“You’re not, my sweet Bella,” her grandmother tried to comfort her as she wrapped her arms around Donna’s shoulders and rested her head against her. “You will never be that poor lost soul again, I promise you.”
“I used to think that God was punishing me,” Donna said quietly as she rested her head against Mena’s shoulder, referring to her grandmother’s Catholicism, which Donna and her mother had practiced while her brother and sister preferred the Methodist faith that their father had left them with. “From what all the nuns and priests used to say about abortion being a sin, I thought God hated me for so long.”
“He does not hate you,” Mena assured her fervently.
Donna lightly pulled out of the embrace with the baby. “I know that now, but back then…” She smiled down sadly at the peaceful child, who was falling asleep against her. “It was nine years ago today,” she whispered, almost to herself. “That I…did it. That’s why I’m so all over the place today I guess.” She sighed as Natalie’s eyes began to close and she started sucking her thumb. “He’d be about eight by now.”
Mena scrunched up her forehead. “You knew that…?”
“No, no it was in the first trimester. They couldn’t tell,” Donna rushed to tell her. “I just always thought it was a boy. It felt… different from when I was pregnant with the girls so I just assumed, you know.” She shrugged as she pictured in her mind’s eye what her little boy would look like today.
“Did you ever tell Josh this?” Donna shook her head. “Donna, you should…”
“What’s in the past is in the past,” she interrupted quietly. “I’m okay about it now. It just gets to me every now and then. It doesn’t have bearing on my health or I would, I swear.” She turned away from her second mother. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”
“Of course.” She went back to sit on the swing and after a minute, Donna joined her, careful not to wake Natalie. “I have a confession for you. About you father.”
“Mena, please don’t…” Donna tried to stop her.
“Your grandfather and I were the ones that made your mother marry him, not the other way around,” Mena said quickly. She didn’t let Donna say anything, just plowed ahead. “It would have caused a huge scandal in those days, unwed and pregnant at her age. And, I’ll admit, people wouldn’t have looked too fondly at myself either. So before Evan was shipped off, they had a quick little ceremony at the courthouse. Toni wouldn’t speak to me for months afterwards until your sister was born. She hated being married to your father; she said it was like being trapped in an ice-cold cage she couldn’t break out of. He was just a simple fling that she got stuck with. But Evan…” she clucked her tongue in thought, “Evan did love her and you three very, very much. He tried to make it work with her but with her attitude and the war and the drugs and me…it was too much to ask of anyone. When you were all old enough, Toni thought it was right to make you think that he abandoned you but he didn’t. As much I loved my daughter and as good as she was, she was intractable on her hatred toward your father. But he did the best thing for everyone involved. I didn’t understand him then but I think I do now and maybe someday you and your siblings will as well.” She cleared her throat before looking over at Donna’s shell-shocked expression. “Are you alright?”
“I’m just…” she closed her eyes as more silent tears ran down her cheeks, “trying to figure out how much you owe me for all those years and hours I wasted on therapy.” The two women laughed together and sat like that for a while longer before Donna spoke again. “Josh and I, we both want more kids,” Donna said as she bent down to kiss Natalie’s forehead.
“And you’ll get them,” Mena promised her, patting her knee. “All the children that are supposed to be yours will come to you in their own time.”
“Yeah,” Donna agreed with her, getting up with a still sleeping Natalie in her arms. “I think I need to get this little one to bed though. Wanna help?”
“Don’t I always?” Mena got up and followed her into the house. They passed by the doorway of the study were Josh and the former president were still conversing. Donna was going to pop in so Josh could say goodnight to his daughter but catching a glimpse of the serious expression on his face, she decided quickly to leave him to what seemed to be another emotional discussion. And she was right.
Josh didn’t notice his wife and her grandmother pass by; he was too focused on what he’d just heard. “Sam’s really gonna run?” he asked unnecessarily, taking another sip of scotch.
“Yeah,” Jed confirmed. “I actually talked to him myself for the first time in nearly a year the other day and he’s…better than he was when we left. More reasonable, more forgiving to most of us.”
Josh quirked his eyebrows upward. “Not about me though, of course.”
Jed looked at him long and hard before continuing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up. We were having a good talk about the 1986 World Series…”
“Which your Red Soxs blew while my Mets drank from the keg of glory,” Josh pointed out gleefully.
“Which you missed because you were studying for finals while I was already a distinguished Congressmen from the great state of New Hampshire with box seats,” Jed ribbed him. They shared a quick chuckle before the older man turned serious again. “I really am sorry though.”
“For what?”
“Oh come on,” Jed said, getting up to refill his glass. “We both know why he was so pissed at you. It was all my fault”
“No it wasn’t sir,” Josh corrected, going over to him and falling back into formality with him for an instant. “He wasn’t angry that you were resigning; he was angry because I wasn’t gonna be there to help him in California.”
“He was a little angry at you for that it’s true, but we both know Sam. With the right people, he could be elected to anything if he wanted, he didn’t need you to hold his hand. The part about you running for Senate wasn’t my fault.”
“Well than why do you think it was your fault he hates me?”
Jed glanced at the antique chessboard he’d given Josh as a birthday gift that year. “Because I taught him to see the whole board,” he replied as he went to sit back down in one of the heavy armchairs.
“I’m sorry?” Josh asked as he went back to his seat across from one of his mentors.
“Do you remember the night of our last New Hampshire primary?”
“Yeah,” the younger man said with a smile. “I had Donna outside in Layfette Park, haranguing unsuspecting voters in Hartsfield’s Landing in 17 degree weather.”
“Yep, that one. Anyways, I’d just gotten back from India and I had all these old chessboards that I was giving away to people. I gave one to Sam and…”
“How come I didn’t get one?” Josh thought out loud.
Jed rolled his eyes at him. “Can we focus on one thing at time please?” he asked, slightly annoyed. “As I was saying, I gave one to Sam and during the night, I was playing a game of chess with him. It was also the night that we were negotiating with China over free elections in Taiwan and the Patriot missiles. He and I were discussing it during our match and I was constantly telling him to see the whole board; see all the facts and put them together to get a clear picture of what’s going on. He was able to then and he was able to that day in your office when you told him you were running.”
“What is it you think he saw?” Josh asked him, his curiosity peaked.
“That I was wrong,” Jed explained. He gave Josh a half smile at his confused expression. “That night, I also told Sam that he was going to run for president one day. I didn’t tell him against who or whether or not he’d win but I’m fairly certain he answered both those questions that day in your office.” Jed smiled at him. “He knew it was you that he was gonna have to run against. And he knew that he’d never be able to beat you, not in a million years.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re Joshua Lyman, the man who never gives up for what he believes in. The man who never stops fighting to make the world a better place for his stock and kin.” He paused for a moment. “The man who took a bullet for his president and wanted to know what we were going to do next when he woke up.”
Josh reflected on these words before turning back to Jed. “I never thought that. When we first started talking seriously about life after the White House, I always used to think that Sam would be better at being a leader than I was. He’d be you and I’d be Leo… but then something happened.”
“What’s that?”
“Emma,” he said with a grin. “I saw Emma and my whole world got thrown off kilter in the best possible way.” He reminisced about that day he first saw her in the hospital nearly three years ago, when Donna was suffering from a life-threatening illness. Then, she was a four year-old little fireball of blonde hair and blue eyes that had stolen Josh’s heart before she even said a word. “I knew right then that this was a little girl who deserved to live in a world where nothing could ever harm her. And the only way I could really make sure that would happen would be to go the distance, so to speak.”
“Quoting Field of Dreams already and you’re only on your second scotch,” Jed joked. “I better cut you off before your wife makes me pay through the teeth.”
“I knew that I’d end up hurting Sam,” Josh sighed, ignoring Jed and leaning back against his chair. “I knew how much he wanted it for so long but…” He banged his hand against the chair’s arm in frustration. “Why couldn’t he understand that I didn’t have a choice? I had to do this for my children and my parents and all those who came before me. To do everything I possibly could to make sure no one in this world ever suffered the way they did again. I had to this for them, not myself. Sam needed it for himself and…”
“It’s alright, son, you don’t need to convince me or yourself. You’re doing the right thing,” Jed told him reassuringly, cutting off his emotional ranting. “I promise you, you’re doing the right thing. Others may not agree with you now but that doesn’t make it any less true.”
Josh looked up at him. “What others?”
“I’m sorry?”
“When you said ‘others’ there was something in your voice that just…” He thought back to that afternoon and how quiet CJ had been during the discussion on Josh’s campaign. The light clicked on in his head as the pieces fell into place. “CJ’s not taking the publicist job in Manhattan is she?”
“No, she’s not.”
Josh nodded, disappointment heavy in his heart. “Press Secretary?”
“Media Director,” Jed corrected.
He nodded again, reality sinking in. “And who else?”
“What…what do you mean?” Jed asked, trying to stall the inevitable as he knew how badly Josh was going to react to the news.
“You said others in the plural sense and I know you didn’t mean Sam so who else?” Josh demanded to know. “Bonnie? Ginger? Not Toby, I mean he wouldn’t play both sides like that…” he listed as he got up and paced the room slowly, trying to figure out who else it could be.
“Josh,” Jed tried to cut in.
“Charlie’s in school in New York…”
“Leo didn’t go to visit Mallory in Chicago this week, Josh,” Jed broke in gently.
Josh turned swiftly to him. “What?”
“Leo went to California,” he said softly. “To help start directing Sam’s campaign for the governorship.”
The weight of the former president’s words stunned Josh into silence. Without even thinking, he got up and walked over to his desk, looking at a picture of himself and Leo from the Convention in 1998. He picked it up and without even realizing what he was doing, hurled it across the room where it smashed into a hundred broken pieces, much like his heart was at that moment.
One of the Secret Service agents burst into the room, startled by the noise but Jed simply waved him away, showing that he was fine. Josh, on the other hand, was not. He walked over to the devastated man and laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, son.”
“How?” Josh asked, misery lacing his words. “How could he do this to me? He’s been my father since my dad…and now he just goes and…”
“It wasn’t meant to hurt you, Josh, I promise you that,” Jed tried to convince him, turning him to face him. “He never wanted…”
“Than why couldn’t he tell me himself?!” Josh shouted, his anger getting the better of him. “Why did he have to send you to tell me, why couldn’t he do it face to face, man to man?”
“Josh if you don’t calm yourself down,” Jed warned sternly, “I’ll have to bring in…”
“What Secret Agent Man out there? Bring him on!”
“Really there Rambo, well how about your wife? Whom I know from my own personal marital experience, could inflict upon you more harm than Secret Agent Man and ten of his buddies ever could! Now sit your ass down and shut the hell up so I can tell you why your mentor is deserting you!” Jed shot back sarcastically. Josh, appropriately chastened, took several deep breaths to regain his composure and went to sit back down. Jed followed suit before continuing. “It’s not about abandoning you…”
“How can you say…?” Josh tried to interrupt but Jed held up his hand to stop him.
“You’re a son to him, that’s true,” he said. “But Sam is as well. And I know you think you can’t do this without Leo being there with you to you through this insanity but the truth is, you’re much better equipped for this ride than Sam is. Sam’s…” he struggled to find the words, “he…”
“Couldn’t run without Leo working the room?” Josh offered bitterly.
“Well that’s one way to put it,” Jed agreed benignly. “Another is that Leo trusts you, as the older son, to be able to do this on your own. And you can, you know you can otherwise Leo would have been your very first call when you decided to run and you’d have made him your campaign manager instead of Toby.
“I tried too!” Josh challenged.
“And he said no!” Jed retorted. “He said no because he knew if he didn’t let you go then, you’d just cling to him throughout your entire political career. Kind of like I did.” Jed took a sip of scotch, as he looked thoughtfully around the room. “Leo just wants you to achieve the greatness of a presidency that I never let myself achieve.” He laughed quietly to himself as he continued. “You know, I’ve always thought that Fate got either really bored or really drunk one day because when she created Leo McGarry and Josiah Bartlet, she made an ordinary man who would have given anything to be extraordinary and an extraordinary man who wanted nothing more than to be the ordinary man.” His eyes bored into Josh’s unnervingly. “Maybe by way of apologizing to us both, she sent us you. You’re the best of both myself and Leo, Josh. I just pray with everything in me, for the sake of you and your family and this world, that the worst of us isn’t lurking somewhere inside of you as well.”
Josh considered this thoughtfully before asking his next question. “You still didn’t explain why he didn’t tell me himself.”
Jed winked at him. “Because he knew you’d be able to talk him out of it. You know, being the savvy political mind that you are.” They shared another laugh before getting serious again. “Do you understand now? He wanted today to be about you and your family, not about this…thing. You get it?”
Josh nodded slowly. “I get it. I mean, my mind understands it but…” he pinched the bridge of his nose between his hands.
“But what?”
Josh didn’t look at him when he responded. “Is it okay if I’m still pissed at him?”
“For now, yes,” Jed told him, draining his glass and getting up. “I’m going to bed now. I want you to remember one thing though.”
“Yeah?”
“Everything that you have now,” Jed began wisely. “Your wife, your children, your home, your career.” He stopped to look him straight in the eye. “You’d have none of it if hadn’t been for one Leo Thomas McGarry.” With that, he left the room and left Josh with his thoughts.
He didn’t do anything for a while, just sat there in a daze of thought and booze. He didn’t know which was making his head buzz more the revelations of that evening or the liquor. He’d bet money on the former but it was late and there wasn’t time anymore to think about it right now. There didn’t seem to be time for anything anymore that mattered to him. Except for one thing.
He was about to go upstairs to join his wife in bed when his eye caught the shattered picture frame on the floor. He went over to pick it up and examined it. There were splinters and cracks all over the cheap glass, so much so that Josh couldn’t make out his own face in the photo anymore. But he could see Leo’s. Leo was glancing over at him and even in his state Josh could see the look of undeniable pride in the older man’s eyes. Where before it would have caused him great fulfillment to look at that expression on Leo’s face, tonight it was bittersweet. Leo trusted him enough to leave him behind. If he dwelt on it anymore he’d just…
“Daddy?” a little voice said from the doorway. He turned to find Emma standing in the threshold, one hand rubbing her sleepy eyes, the other clutching her ancient stuffed dog, Petey. As always, Lulu the cat trailed behind her. “Daddy what are you doing?”
“Nothing honey,” he said, putting the picture facedown in a desk drawer before closing it. He went up to her and lifted her up. “How about you? You feel any better?”
“No, I still feel yucky,” the child bemoaned, resting her head against her father’s shoulder.
“You do huh?” Josh brought his hand up to her forehead to check her temperature. “Well guess what? Someone here has got a fever.”
“Is it Petey?” she asked, trying to joke a little.
“No I believe it is the precocious six year-old in my arms who is going to take an aspirin and then go right back to bed,” Josh informed her, securing her more tightly against him.
“Okay,” she answered drowsily. She snuggled deeper against him and shut her eyes. “Daddy?”
“Yeah honey?”
“I had fun today before I got sick.”
“I know you did,” Josh said as he brought her out of the room. He climbed up the stairs and went down the hallway until he reached the bedroom. He laid her down on the unmade bed and wrapped her tightly in the blankets. He then went to get her some children’s aspirin and water. When he came back, he propped her up to take her medicine and settled her down when she was done.
“Goodnight Emma,” he kissed her forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy,” she reciprocated. When he got to her doorway, she spoke up again. “Daddy?”
“Yeah?”
“I can’t wait ‘til you’re a Senator,” she told him as she closed her eyes and fell back asleep.
He rested his head against the doorjamb and looked at his daughter for a bit. Her innocent face, her rhythmic breathing, the soft fluttering of her eyelids as she dreamed. He got that same feeling he had when first saw her, when he first subconsciously knew what his destiny was.
“Me neither, sweetheart,” he whispered even though she could no longer hear him. “Me neither.”