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| EVER TRIED TO GIVE A CAT A PILL? |
| 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forearm and thumb on either side of cat�s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks. As mouth opens, pop pill in. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. |
| 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. |
| 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away. |
| 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. |
| 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse. |
| 6. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below spouse�s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat�s mouth open and blow pill down drinking straw. |
| 7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to spouse�s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. |
| 8. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. |
| 9. Tie cat�s front paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat�s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour half a pint of water down throat to wash pill down. |
| 10. Get spouse to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while the doctor stitches your fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to order new table. |
| 11. Arrange for vet to make a housecall. |
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