| One Boy, One Girl |
| November 25th, 1998
After the show, I get the usual amount of boos and vulgar names yelled at me, but this time it was like the final rock that tore down my old rickety house of nerves. I�m breaking, I�m falling apart. I can�t take the pressure, the workload, the lifestyle, I don�t think I�m going to be able to handle this. I just wasn�t cut out for the pop star life. I thought this was my dream, what I wanted, but I just can�t handle it anymore. I never get to see my family, or friends, I�m 16 and I work 18 hours a day. And for what? No one likes me, I�m still getting booed off the stage every night. What if they never like me? I�m just wasting my time. All this for nothing. What was I thinking? I�m not Madonna, I�m not Janet Jackson. So I had one hit single. So what? It was just another one hit wonder. And everything I put my family through� God, I�m such a horrible person. I can�t do this anymore, I just can�t. By now tears are streaming down my face. All I want to do is go back home and go to sleep in my own bed at home, in Kentwood, and see my momma. �B, honey what�s wrong?� Fe places her hand on my back as we walk into my dressing room. �I can�t do this Fe, I can�t do this�� I�m hysterical and choking out sobs. While the guys perform I continue to fall apart in my dressing room. Fe thinks it would be good if I talk to my mom, so we call but there is no answer and I can�t stop the tears. We continue to talk, well, mostly Fe talks while I listen and cry. I take a shower and get dressed, in the back of my mind I�m still thinking I�m through, I�m done. I�ll go talk to Johnny in the morning and tell him I�m sorry but I can�t do it. Fe walks me out of the dressing room, I�ve stopped crying as hard now, I�m going over in my head what I�ll say to Johnny, to my family, I know they�ll think I�m a failure. The guys. I�ll be letting them down. They�ll have to find a new opening act for the last 3 weeks of tour dates. And Justin. What�ll he think of me? I�m not even strong enough to last a few months as an opening act, how will I be strong enough for him, for us, our relationship. What�ll happen after I go back home to Kentwood. I wont be able to see him, and it�s not like we are gonna be able to afford to fly me out to what ever city Nsync�s in. My heart starts pounding as the knot in my stomach grows as we walk out towards the tour busses in the parking lot. My breathing grows shallow and my eyes start to burn, here come the water works again. �Brit�� Fe wraps her arm around my shoulder. �Wha� What about Ju� Justin?� I choke out before breaking into sobs again. I cover my face with my hands and Fe leads me to the tour bus. She opens the door and I climb in. I look around with teary vision, this isn�t my cold, plain, tour bus. This is the guys�. I see JC sitting on the couch, he looks up at me and I can see the worry in his eyes. �Brit, what�s wrong?� He asks, and I just shake my head, it�s difficult to talk when you�re choking on tears. Fe asks where Justin is and JC tells her he�s in his room, which he shares with Lance and JC. Fe guides me to their room, in the back of the bus past Chris and Joey�s room Th door is open, the room is dark, it�s lit only by the television they�re watching, Justin and Lance are lying on their own beds, Joey is sprawled out on JC�s. I stand in the doorway, not quite sure what I�m doing. Fe rubs my shoulder and leaves. The guys all turn to me. �Brit?� Joey asks. �Hey come in.� Lance mumbles. I slowly enter the room, I look towards Justin. He stares into my bloodshot eyes and before I have a chance to say anything he has me in his arms. I collapse into them and break into more tears when I think about how I�ll never see him after I quit. Then I start thinking about everything else that I was thinking about that night and really start bawling. I�m sure I�m freaking Justin out but I can�t stop the tears. I cling to his shirt as I bury my face into the crook of his neck, my tears drenching his shirt. I feel his hands move up and down my back and I close my eyes, hugging him tighter. About minute later my tears dry up, I may finally be all cried out. Without letting go over my waste, Justin grabs a tissue from the table by his bed and hands it to me so I wipe the tears away. He kisses my forehead and I feel a few more tears roll down my cheek. He wipes them away with his thumbs and kisses me again on the cheek. �Wanna go to sleep?� He whispers. I just nod my head and follow him into his bed. I lay down, facing Lance�s bed, which is next to Justin�s, and take deep breaths as I try to calm down. He must think I�m a total cry baby, how embarrassing, kill me now, I can�t believe I just fell apart in front of Justin like that. I feel the covers being pulled up to my shoulders as Justin moves around in bed next to me. He rubs my back and kisses my hair. I reach behind me for his hand and pull his entire arm up to my chest, I kiss his knuckles. �Thank you.� I murmur. I push all my thoughts out of my mind and concentrate on him. He puts his other arm under my head and snuggles up close, my body molds into his. I feel a thousand times better than I did just 10 minutes ago, I close my eyes and quickly fall into a deep sleep in his arms. I wake up warm, well rested, and generally feeling good. Justin has both his arms wrapped around my waste, my hands on top of his, and our legs tangled under the sheets. I open my eyes, it�s bright, both Lance and JC�s beds are empty and unmade, they must have already woken up. The bus is moving and I hear voices coming from the other room. Then I remember why I�m here. I don�t know what I�m going to do, just thinking about it gives me a stomach ache. And I already have a small headache from crying. Justin stirs behind me and pulls me even closer against his body. �Mmmmm morning.� He mumbles drowsily into my hair. �Morning.� I say through a smile. �How do u feel?� �Better. I have a little headache though.� I say as I run my fingers along his arms wrapped securely around me. He pauses for a minute; I wish I knew what he�s thinking. He takes a deep breath. �Are you okay?� I close my eyes, he�s probably wondering what the hell is a matter. I turn around in his arms and lay on my back, he moves his arm up behind my head, and holds my hand with his free one. �Justin, I�m thinking about� quitting.� I say and glance at him quickly, he�s staring back at me. �Quitting�?� He looks confused and pauses for a moment,� this? Music?� �It�s too much.� I say softly. �I�m not as strong as you and the guys, I can�t handle being away from my family, and doing a hundred interviews and photo shoots a day. I never get time for me. To hang out with my friends back home, or my little sister, or even you. We�ve never even gone to see a movie together, or went out to dinner alone. J, those are normal things that normal teenage couples get to do.� �I�m sor-� He starts quietly. �No, and it�s not your fault. You guys are ten time busier then I am.� I look into his eyes. Those eyes that that make you feel like your drowning in the pool of his soul. Those eyes are magic, I can look into them like a crystal ball and tell everything he�s feeling. Right now he�s worried, and scared, he wants to make everything better, but I don�t think he can this time. �You have been doing too much. And you�re just as busy as we are. I�m not gonna lie to you Brit. Your gonna be big, huge, and people are gonna want you to start doing a lot more. I forget you don�t have 4 other people to pick up the slack and take off some of the pressure�� Justin pauses, �But Brit, if you give up now your gonna be robbing so many people of your music. It does get easier, this is your first tour. I�m not trying to belittle what you�re feeling right now, because I know exactly how you feel. I was you 3 months ago in Europe. A whole continent away from my friends and family, in a foreign place with gross food.� A small smile spreads across my face when I think about how Joey was probably dying without McDonalds. Justin continues, �We never had a moment to ourselves, and I wanted to throw in the towel a hundred times. But I stuck it out and I�m so happy I did. If the guys and I don�t want to do an interview, or a TV spot, or a photo shoot, we can just say no. We�re slowly getting more control over our careers, and you will too because you have a great team around you that�ll help you hit it big. Your gonna get to go to award shows, and meet a thousand cool people, I promise, your gonna have so much fun you�ll look back on times like these and laugh. Brit, you love this. You were made for this business and I know you can handle anything.� I�m speechless. I lay in his arms, completely mesmerized by him and his words. How can one person straighten out my entire life in one morning, how can he reassure every fear I have just like that? He�s amazing. I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on his warm lips. He smiles. �So, you�ll just talk to Johnny? I�m sure he�ll help. We have about 3 weeks off for Christmas. You�ll have time to unwind and go back home, think things over.� I don�t know what to say, so I brush my lips against his once more, this time he deepens the kiss and brings his hand up through my messy bed hair. �Thank you.� I mumble after we break apart. He scrunches up his nose, �Ew� morning breath.� I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands quickly and yell through them, �Shut. Up!� �I will if you do.� He makes a disgusted face at me before laughing, �Fight the funk Brit!� I push against his chest and throw the blankets off me, sitting up in the bed. I start to stand up but Justin grabs my waste and pulls me back into the bed, tickling my sides. I break into a fit of laughter as I try to pry his hands off. �St� Stop!� I get out in-between giggles. He finally stops and my stomach is sore from laughing. I�m lying on my back, he lies on his stomach with his arms floded under his head next to me. He looks at me and then moves his head to the crook of my shoulder, as his warm breath tickles my neck. I squirm a little and he laughs silently. I run my hand through it short curls then place a kiss on his forehead. He slowly runs his palm across my stomach heading towards the ticklish spot on my side, I take his hand with both of mine and pull it away. �Don�t.� I mutter through a smile. �Mmmkay.� He mumbles and slowly starts to kiss along my jaw line, then to my chin, then gently sucks my bottom lip. I smile and reluctantly move my head away. He places both his arms on either side on me, bracing himself so that his chest doesn�t crush me. �Mmmm�� He half growls, half wines when I pull away. �I was just kidding you know, your breath isn�t that bad�� My head snaps back towards his face, I stare at him wide eyed as he smirks at me. I feel the heat rising in my cheeks, which just fuels his smile. I scoff loudly and push him away, hopping out of the bed and heading for the door. �We have some Listerine in the bathroom.� He says before breaking into giggles. �You are never getting another kiss from me!� I shoot back at him from the doorway and his smile quickly fades to a look of dismay. I smile to myself as I stomp out of the room. �Hey guys.� I say as I step into the kitchen area connected to the living room of their tour bus. They all turn to me, looking very worried. �I�m fine�� I say and they all give me looks like they don�t believe me, ��now.� And Joey and Chris smirk. �Well a wild night of monkey lovin� with J would probably cheer any young damsel up.� Chris says with a smirk. I throw my head back and laugh along with the guys. �There was no monkey lovin� of any sort going on last night thank you very much.� �Ah, so she is still pure.� Joey says in a mad scientist voice and rubs his hands together, looking around the room suspiciously, �a perfect sacrifice for our Pop s�ance tonight!� �Yes, we will call upon the spirits of those who have performed before us, each member of The New Kids On The Block!� Lance mocks his funny accent. Everyone laughs and I roll my eyes. �Mind if I use your guy�s shower?� I ask. �Why? Do you need to wash the sex off you?� Chris raises an eyebrow. I know he�s just joking around but I still seem to blush. �Give it a rest Chris!� JC rolls his eyes and smirks. �You wanna use our shower and you think we�d mind?� Joey says with a perverted grin. �Ha! You go right ahead, make sure-� �Don�t even finish that sentence!� Justin warns with wide eyes as he joins us in the room. �Brit, I think you better use your own. Our shower isn�t the most�� He grimaces, �I�m sure yours is much cleaner. Besides, I don�t even want to think about what these guys will do to it after you use it.� �Hey!� Lance protests, followed by Chris�s �Ew!� �I was just kiddin� man!� Joey scrunches up his nose. � A few Days later� Justin�s POV We just got out of a meeting with Johnny, he went over all the details of the Holiday Concert in Disneyland on the 5th. I hung back to talk to him. �Hey Johnny?� �Yea J, What�s up.� He says as he continues to shuffle through papers. �Um I was wondering if I could talk to you about Britney�s Birthday... on the 2nd.� �Mmmm Hmmm?� He looks up at me. �Well, I know we�ll be in LA, and we wont be able to fly her home because of the Disney Concert so I was wondering if�� I gave Johnny all the details of my intricate Britney B-day plan. Silently hoping everything would work out, maybe a pure, workless, anxiety-free day would convince her not to give up on her dream and stick it out. She�s worked so hard, she deserves fame and fortune because I know she wants it more than anything. |
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