I
 

The silence that filled the air of the limo was deafening. Even worse, however, were the thoughts that raced through the two minds sitting in the back seat that screamed words neither could hear.  Questions. Fears. Needs. Desires. Uncertainty. Confidence. He wanted to touch her, at least hold her hand to let her know that this was all going to be ok and didn't have to be so uncomfortable; that was the exact opposite reason for it in the first place. Her eyes continued to watch New York City's nightlife from the comfort of the limo, her nose almost glued to the glass of the window. He couldn't take her distance or the silence any longer. He reached his hand out to place it on top of the hand lying in her lap. "Sarah." She slowly turned her head to meet his gaze. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes, the confusion, but also saw the longing that he was feeling, too.

"This'll change everything." Her face was expressionless. He just wanted to hold her close to him, give her some life.

"But maybe it will change everything for the better. That's what we want."  He didn't know how else to calm her fears or the fears he was feeling, too. She silently sighed, not wanting him to see the fighting within her. She knew there was a method to the madness. They wouldn't be in the position they were in if there wasn't. The attraction between them had come to a boiling point. There was no other way than to deal with it. She was just afraid she wouldn't be able to keep her heart out of the scenario. That wasn't part of the bargain. He wasn't
offering her his, and he wasn't asking for hers. But she knew something had to be done. Three years was too long to ache for another person, especially when the other person was aching just as bad for her.

He took her hand in his as his thumb gently moved over the soft skin of the back of her hand. He raised her hand and kissed the same skin and then brought it to his face, caressing her hand against his cheek. She noticed that he had recently shaved, his face as smooth as satin. It was then that she finally took notice of his appearance: a dark gray Armani suit with a tailored white shirt that he left the top couple buttons opened. She was in a floor-length, strapless, crimson gown by Ralph Lauren along with a long cashmere coat. They both looked older than they should have. They had spent an evening at a charity event, offering their own celebrity separate from each other. Sarah and Justin were almost the youngest ones there. They didn't go together and, technically, they didn't leave together. Her limo dropped her off at her hotel, just to be picked up again by his. There had been no
words when she crawled in and sat next to him. He offered her a smile but she could see the uncertainty lying in his eyes, the same, she was sure, that was lying in hers.

"Sarah, if we treat this as something bad, then it will be. I thought the whole point of this is that there's a logical reason for what we're doing."  He continued to hold her small hand in his two large masculine hands, not crushing pressure, just enough to remind her how male he was.

"I desperately don't want to feel guilty about this, Justin. I'm trying my damnedest to see the innocence. I thought it was there. But here we are on our way to go through with it."

"You have second thoughts?"

Her voice was quiet, even though they had plenty of privacy in the back of the stretched limo. "Of course, I do. Like I said, this will change everything, Justin. Are we really ready for the consequence that may arise from this?" The uncertainty in her eyes almost broke his heart. He needed her to be strong tonight or he wasn't sure how he'd survive it, either.

"Sarah, if we analyze this anymore, then it's not going to happen. Then where will we be? Right where we've been for three years."

Sarah looked up at him, focusing on his crystal blue eyes. She needed him to see how serious she was. "Justin, tell me again in your words why we're doing this."

He closed his eyes for a moment and she saw his muscles relax as he opened them again. "Because almost every time I look at her, I think about you.  And every time I see you, I can barely contain my thoughts, let alone my needs, Sarah. This has been going on for too long. We thought we could bottle it up and go on. We thought we were just being silly teenagers who still weren't over each other. I just think there's more to it than that. We started something three years ago we never finished. It's time."

Those were the magic words. Those were the exact words she had to hear to remind her why she was there in the first place. Neither was able to move forward in their lives, at least their love lives. There was a barrier. There was a need between them that was killing them. The awkwardness around each other had gotten to a point that they both agreed to address the issue, thanks to the pushing from their friends who saw it better than they did. The plan had begun as a joke by her when they were discussing how to deal with the unreasonable mutual attraction.  "Christ, Justin. Why don't we just lock ourselves up in a hotel for a night and see if we can get it all
out." Sarah never thought he'd take it serious, or that he’d go through with making plans, or that she’d ever be sitting in his limo right then on her way to a hotel room to act on feelings, desires, and fantasies of him that had been building for so many years.

"Don’t think about him tonight, Sarah. I sure as hell won’t be thinking about her."

That comment made her smile. She didn’t want him thinking about her. The night was about the two of them, forgoing reality for a night. Sarah cringed at the thought of what daybreak would bring but pushed the memory to the back of her mind. She would deal with that when the time came. The boyfriend and girlfriend would be forgotten for the time being.  She was ready. For once in her life she was ready to really live.

II
 

Sarah finally saw The Plaza Hotel coming close.  It wasn’t their original hotel. Sarah always stayed in the same suite at The Four Seasons when she visited New York City. For this trip Justin was just the floor beneath her. They had tried their hardest to stay away from each other the two days they were both staying in the hotel until that night. He went to bed every night knowing her soft, supple body was just a floor above him; he’d had two restless nights. This night he couldn’t wait to fall asleep in her arms.

"I probably should have chosen a smaller, lesser known hotel, but I wanted this to be perfect."

"It will be." The confidence that had taken over her relieved him. He needed her to want this as bad as he did. "Can you believe that even with all of the times I’ve been to New York, I’ve never stayed in The Plaza? I guess I’ve just become accustomed to The Seasons."

He looked deep into her golden-green eyes with his own sapphire blue ones. "Then it will have a special meaning to you." Her voice was caught in her throat. She couldn’t respond because she realized the meaning behind his words. She realized that she would see that hotel and always be reminded about this night.

They had been too wrapped in each other to notice that the limo had stopped and parked in front of the entrance of the hotel. "I had my assistant check us in earlier today so we can bypass the front desk."

She blushed as she smiled at him. "Good. But wait, Justin, shouldn’t we be dropped off at a side entrance? After that charity event, it’s probably not smart to just walk on in through the front door."

"Damn. You’re right. Just a second." As his bodyguard opened the door on Sarah’s side, Justin reached over her to whisper into Mike’s ear. The large man nodded and shut the door. "He’ll tell the driver to take us around to the side. Mike said that he did see a couple of photographers waiting outside."

Those few seconds reminded Sarah of the trouble they were possibly getting their selves in. It was one thing to get caught up in the moment, to lose their heads, or even worse, their hearts. It was another thing to get caught and destroy two, somewhat, healthy relationships. But it was a completely different thing to get caught by the
press and the rest of the world. Justin saw the concern on Sarah’s face.

He took her hands in his again and pulled her closer to him. "Sarah, it really will be ok. Don’t think about what I know you’re thinking. Once we get in the hotel the rest of the world won’t exist to us. Ok?"

She could only look up at his face, that handsome, masculine face that held so much concern and warmth for her. She knew he cared about her. They wouldn’t be where they were if there weren’t some feelings. She knew, however, that there wasn’t room in either of their lives or in the situation for their hearts. Sarah nodded at him and rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her small form next to him. His chest
tightened as he realized what he was holding in his arms, what she was giving to him, and what he would be giving her.

III
 

It only took a couple minutes for the limo to pull up to the side door. Mike opened the door closest to Sarah. "It’s all safe. There’s no one out here. You two ready?"

They both nodded and climbed out of the limo.  Sarah smiled at Mike as he helped her out and made sure her gown didn’t get caught on the door. Mike had known Sarah just as long as Justin and respected the girl. She had grown into quite a young woman since the first time he met her. Justin climbed out of the limo himself, shivering from the cool January air.

"I’ll walk ahead with Frank, just in case. Mike, stay with her, ok." Mike just nodded and placed his hand on Sarah’s back to lead her into the hotel. Justin and Sarah’s bodyguard were a few feet ahead of them.

"Mike, be honest with me," Sarah quietly said as they walked into the grand hotel and climbed into an elevator, different from the one Justin and Frank had gotten in. "Why did you agree to be here and help with this?"

"Well, I didn’t have much of a choice. I’m hired to watch that boy 24/7. Ok. I’ll be honest with you, Sarah. I don’t like what’s going on. And don’t think I’m stupid. I know exactly what’s going on. But at the same time, I’ve known you for a long time now, and I know that boy like the back of my hand. I know what’s going on with you two. I don’t know if there’s a better answer for it. But he’s the boss. I have to guard his body. I just don’t want to guard
it if his woman finds out about this."

Sarah turned pale thinking about what would really happen if Britney found out about tonight. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned that. Look Sarah, I’m not going to give you advice about this. You decided. You’ve made the decision. I’d stay stick with it. Live for a night. Get out whatever you to need to get out and go on with your lives. And now I’m going to shut up so I don’t cause any more problems."

Sarah looked up at the big guy next to her and wrapped her arms around him as far they could reach.  "Thank you, Mike. Thank you for just being a comfort in the middle of this and for being the angel and the devil on my shoulder."

"No problem, girl. So…what do you think Frank is saying to J?"

Sarah tried to hide back a giggle, "Knowing Frank, he’s probably ripping Justin a new one right now. He’s so not happy with what’s going on, Mike, but he doesn’t exactly have much control over this." Mike could only laugh, one of those low rumbles that come from down deep. The elevator dinged and Sarah knew what that meant. They were there. Mike led Sarah down the hall with her small bag in his arm.

"Ok, Miss Smith. Here you go." They stopped in front of double doors that led into one of the Plaza’s nicest suites. Sarah knocked because she didn’t know what else to do. Frank opened one of the doors, gave Sarah a concerning look like a father about to send his youngest off to college, then followed with a hug and walked out of the room.
Sarah slowly walked in and saw Justin standing in the foyer waiting. Mike walked in a couple feet to put Sarah’s bag on the floor. "We’ll see you two in the morning. 9 ok?"

"Ok. Thank you, Mike, and thanks, Frank. Good night." Mike closed the door behind him. Sarah and Justin spent a couple of minutes standing near the door of their expensive and large suite. They looked around at the amenities they could see from their view; they looked at the paintings on the wall; they looked at the tiles on the floor, at the plants in the corner, at their bags on the floor. They looked anywhere but at each other. Surprisingly, it was
Sarah who broke their silence. "Justin."

IV
 

He looked up at her, at her dark green eyes that certain days would turn blue, at her high cheek bones, noticing her strong jaw line, and lastly at her perfectly formed lips that still had remnants of her lipstick from earlier in the evening. It wasn’t going to take much for him to get in the mood. He was suddenly reminded why they were there in the first place. His attraction for her had lasted for so many years because she grew up into an extraordinarily gorgeous young woman. She wasn’t the same innocent, shy sixteen year old, overnight success story/actress he first met. She was Sarah Smith, a woman, a powerful force in Hollywood, an Academy award winning actress and screenwriter, a freshman in college, and one of his best friends’ girlfriend. No, he simply couldn’t think about that aspect of her right now. It would only cause him to think about her. Tonight wasn’t about her; it was about Sarah.

It was time for Justin to be the man now, to take control and do what he knew she needed him to do. "Come here." He moved closer to her, wrapped his arms around her thin frame and took her in for a gentle embrace. "Relax, Sarah. We’re here now. We’re safe, away from the rest of the world." He could smell the shampoo from her hair and the perfume on her neck. She was intoxicatingly heavenly. He could have swallowed her up then. Sarah rested her head on his chest and had a hold of the collar of his jacket. He could feel her grip, guessing it was a
part of the same fear he was feeling. Justin ran his hands up and down her back and then pulled away to help her take off her coat. He noticed the look in her eyes as he removed the cashmere garment. "It’s ok, Sarah. We don’t have to start anything right now. I just want us to get comfortable and it’s plenty warm in here." She just nodded and allowed him to remove her coat. "I’ll take the bags into the bedroom. Why don’t you take a seat on the couch, get yourself something to drink. I made sure there was some San Pellegrino in the refrigerator for you." She heard him call out the last part as he walked into the bedroom with their bags.

"Thank you. That was sweet of you. I didn’t know you knew I drank it." She called back in his direction as she walked to the small refrigerator in the living room. What Sarah really wanted was a stiff drink, but yet she didn’t want alcohol to come into play that night. She wanted them to be fully aware of what was going on. The bubbles from her favorite mineral water would relax her, though.

"You can thank Carson," he said as he walked back into the room. Carson Daly, Sarah’s closest friend in the entertainment world, was the only person besides the bodyguards who knew what was going on.

"What did you ask him, Justin? ‘Hey, what drink will get Sarah all fired up so that she’ll be ripping off my clothes?’"

"And how would Carson know the answer to that, young lady?" His eyebrows were raised and he was giving her a mocking smile.

"Oh shut up. Carson is ten years older than me, and you know it’s all platonic. The man is my brother."

"I know. I just like getting a rise out of you." Now it was Sarah’s turn for the raised eyebrows and mocking look.

"I could so have a great comeback for that, but I’ll resist." He chuckled realizing what he’d said.

"Thank you, I guess."

They both didn’t realize that at that point they had moved to sit next to each other on one of the plush couches. Justin’s arm was on top of the couch near Sarah’s head, the other reached over her on the seat of the couch. He had trapped her and neither had noticed. They stared into each other’s eyes, not speaking, back to the silence.  This silence, however, was different. The air was different. It wasn’t full of uncertainty and confusion. Oh, no. It
was saturated with three years of longing and desires. Justin slowly licked his lips and then leaned in closer to Sarah. "Would you mind if I kissed you right now?"

Sarah didn’t even take the time to think. Tonight wasn’t about using her brain. She quickly answered him, her eyes locking in to his. "No. Go ahead." It didn’t take any hesitation from him. He quickly leaned in all the way to touch his lips to hers. He had intended on it being a slow, gentle kiss, just to ease their way into the night. However, neither him nor Sarah could contain it any longer. Passion quickly joined the kiss. It had been close to two and a half years since he had kissed her. The feelings he felt then, as well as new ones, quickly arouse.

One arm instantly went to wrap around her small back while Justin took his other hand to softly stroke her cheek. She had the softest delicate ivory skin. Sarah couldn’t help but wrap her arms around his strong neck. She and Justin had spent so long pushing back feelings and thoughts. They tried everything to ignore them, to go on with their lives. Nothing worked, so here she was, in his arms, kissing him, and it was exactly where she wanted to be right then. She heard his low growl when her hand moved up to his hair to play with his curls. His hair was soft and baby fine. She preferred the shaved look, but then again, she wasn’t his girlfriend and her opinion didn’t exactly matter. The curls were more than fun to play with, though.

Things quickly started to get hot, heavy, and out of control. It took all of his willpower for Justin to pull back. He heard her whimper when he removed his lips from hers. "Sarah." His voice was ragged and his breathing heavy, the same as hers. "I didn’t mean for it to start this quick. I think maybe we should slow it down a bit."

He looked down and saw her swollen lips, separated a tad from their kiss. She looked seductive and womanly, but he noticed the tear in the corner of her eye. He pushed away the few strands of hair from her face that had fallen out of place. "Sarah?"

"I’m sorry, Justin. I don’t know what came over me." She tried to nonchalantly wipe away the tear that was building in the corner of her eye. Sarah realized how close her and Justin were sitting on the couch. The air had become thick, and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get out another breath. She pushed away from the couch and stood up, slowly walking over to the large window that held a perfect view of New York City’s new skyline. Her mind was racing. Those thoughts and feelings she was so used to pacifying were coming full circle.

V
 

She didn’t want him to see the hurt she was feeling. Her eyes remained fixed on the lights of the city. She, simply, didn’t know how to act. Should she go on her impulses? Should she stay demure and quiet? Should she allow him to take control? Or should she take what she wanted? It had been so long since Sarah had been in this position.
It had been so long since she felt a desire so great it almost consumed her. Of course, she was happy with Wade. Their relationship was still so new and Sarah didn’t feel ready for that, yet. Sounds odd, however, that Sarah was in a hotel room with someone who wasn’t her boyfriend. She and Justin were odd, though. Sarah thought back to the moments that brought them where they were.

She thought back to the months when they actually did belong together. Maybe he never belonged to her. At the time he and Britney had a very open relationship. He went so far as to say they weren’t even together. She would most likely argue otherwise. For three months, though, it was Sarah who got a phone call daily. It was Sarah who
got his kisses, who was snuck into his hotel room late at night when they were both promoting in the same city. It was Sarah who had been his girlfriend. She never saw it as that, only thought of them as dating. Barely anyone knew and they hardly saw each other. It was for that reason, too, that they broke up. It was never a fight or lack of care. It was that life, simply, wouldn’t allow it. Perhaps, it was for that reason that they were where they were
then. Like he had said, they had unfinished business. They had both grown into adults… attractive, successful adults, nonetheless. They had both discovered love separate from each other. However, he was still enjoying that love, while Sarah regretted the day she first met her ex, Steve.

He knew she was standing there thinking. He also knew how dangerous that was. He could see the wheels in her head turning. It was then that he realized what he’d caused. Justin cursed himself for making her feel guilty for acting on her feelings, feelings they both shared. He slowly moved off the couch. Noticing her bottle of mineral water on the table, he took a sip. "Ugh, how can you drink this stuff, Sarah?"

She slowly turned around to face him, rolling her eyes and pushing back a giggle. "Why does everyone ask me that? I love it. At least, I don’t have to worry about people stealing it from me."

"No. Trust me. You won’t ever have to worry about someone taking that away from you."

Instead of responding, Sarah just stood there for a while, watching him, getting a good look at the view in front of her. He had matured into quite a man since they first met. He’d taken on more responsibilities, learned more about the world, experienced new things, and found a life as stable as he’ll ever get. He was her ideal, her loving, kind, intelligent, humorous, strong, exquisite ideal. Yet, he was not hers.

"Sarah, what are you thinking?"

His voice took her out of her trance. If he only knew what she was thinking. "Nothing, Justin. Just enjoying the view." Her eyes joined her lips in the smile she sent him. Justin was sure he felt his heart skip a few beats. Yes. She was breathtaking.

"Sarah, will you dance with me?" Justin stood up off of the couch, offering his hand to her.

"What? Justin, there’s no music." He noticed how beautiful she looked with her head cocked and that confused look on her face.

"I’ll make the music. Just come here." His eyes held that sparkle again, that mischievous look that held so many options. She couldn’t refuse him then; she could never refuse him. Sarah cautiously placed her small hand in his. He led them to an open area in the suite’s sitting room. As he pulled Sarah to him, Justin began humming softly to a tune Sarah couldn’t decipher. At that moment, though, she didn’t care. There wasn’t a more spine tingling
feeling than being that near him. Masculinity and control oozed out of his pores. Sarah rested her cheek on his shoulder with one arm resting near the base of his neck and the other firmly planted in his hand. His free arm quickly wrapped itself around her tiny waist as they slowly moved to the sounds of his quiet humming.

"Sarah." Justin broke the sound of his humming.

"Yes." She continued to rest her cheek on his shoulder.

"Have you, honestly, ever thought of ‘What if?’"

"What if we hadn’t given up?"

"Yeah."

Sarah looked up at him, wanting him to see the seriousness in her words. "Justin, after we broke up, I quickly met and fell in love with Steve. I spent a year dealing with him and the good and bad he brought me. Trust me, during the many times I cried my eyes out over him, I thought about those ‘what ifs’. And now that I don’t even carry a
thought of him, I still have those 'what ifs'. Every time I see you, I ask myself, ‘What if.’ That’s what this is about for me, at least. Those feelings that were left over that we didn’t deal with. The fact that we’ve both gotten older and have grown in so many ways. That fact that you and I are so alike yet so different but get a long so well. And the fact that after three years, you and I are in completely different places." Sarah was a little shocked at herself for spitting all of that out. As the words came out of her mouth the feelings were making sense to her. She was afraid Justin would be taken back a bit from all of that, even though nothing should have surprised him.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you look when you concentrate like that?" He looked almost as serious as Sarah had just a couple minutes ago. It was if he wanted her to understand his words the way she wanted him to understand hers. Justin couldn’t take it anymore. She was too inviting, too perfect, too kissable and lovable. His hands came up to gently cradle her face as he bent down to capture her lips.

Sarah was unsure how to react. She was on the brink of explaining her part in this crazy mess, and here he was being romantic and changing the subject by kissing her. Oh, but Sarah wasn’t about to start complaining. However, there was so much to talk about, to clear up between them that Sarah didn’t want to just get caught up in the moment. She broke off the gentle kiss.

"Justin, what about you, though? Have you ever thought about ‘What if?’"

VI
 

He looked down at her questioning face, unsure how to form the right words to express his true feelings. "Sarah," he managed to choke out. With his arms still wrapped around her, one hand came free to gently stroke the soft skin of her cheek. "I love her. I love her with every fiber in my being." The expression on Sarah’s face changed. She winced a bit. She didn’t know how to digest the words, even though she had always been aware of them.  "She’s everything to me because of who she is. Amazing. But I’m not blind. Since you and I stop seeing each other, I’ve watched you. I’ve watched this amazing woman that you have grown into. I’ve seen your successes and your failures. I saw you fall in love and I saw you fall out. I love her because she is a beautiful person in and out. But the thing is, Sarah, so are you. One of the most beautiful. So yes, I am constantly asking myself, ‘What if? What if Sarah and I had given it a better chance? What if she hadn’t fallen in love with him? What if Britney and I hadn’t fallen in love? What if I took your hand and told you how wonderful you are and how much I’d love to give it another chance?’ Those thoughts plague me, Sarah. Some days they make me insane. Some days I think I should tell her everything because she’ll know the answer. But I know she won’t, and she certainly wouldn’t understand. I don’t know how else to fix it than to prove it to myself that where I’m at is where I should be."

Sarah continued to look up at him, transfixed on his eyes and the way they talked to her. She heard every word out of his mouth and analyzed them. But there was something about those eyes, those ‘bluer than should be allowed’ eyes that made her crazy at times.

"Justin."

There was something about the way the word fell out of her lips, something about the look in her eyes. Whatever it was, it told him; it told him everything he needed to know. Every thought and feeling inside of her was seen and heard from that word. That word that was his name. Calling and beckoning for what they both needed. Each other.

He didn’t question her. He didn’t ask her if she was sure and ready. He cursed himself for not asking and even more for not caring if he did. He let her out of his grasp, bent down to slide his arm under those beautiful long legs only she owned, and picked her up, holding her small body close to him. The entire time her grasp around his neck didn’t move. Those green eyes never left the gaze of his own. Communication had now gone to telepathic means. No more words were needed between them. The last three years had said it all.
 

The End