CHAPTER 10
 

Justin suddenly got more serious, which scared Deb a little.  He was suddenly shy even, and then sighed a little.  "I had some time to think in New York, believe it or not.  I missed you so much.  I missed just being with you.  Just having you around gives me comfort that I didn't realize really, until a couple days ago.  So I was just walking around and as I passed a jewelry store, I saw this bracelet in the window.  The minute I saw it, you popped into my mind, like right here," he said as he smacked his forehead hard with the palm of his hand.  "Literally, it was like that."

Deb was just watching him, starstruck as always, but unbelievably touched.  "Why?" was all she said.

"Tennis bracelets are, like, classics.  Many women own or have owned one or two.  I don't know how many times I've looked right over them at the more glamorous pieces.  This one was just all sparkly and it grabbed my attention," he paused and smiled shyly. "You are so normal, it's amazing that I ever even paid attention.  I usually get the drama queens, or the gold diggers, plopping themselves right in front of me, dragging on my attention and energy.  You're different.  You're all sparkly on your own without all the frills.  I wish I'd found you years ago."

"Come here..." she said, looking up from the bracelet into his eyes.  As they kissed, Deb was aware, more than ever, that this was somehow a different man than the one she'd said goodbye to in Orlando.

When they arrived back at Deb's, Justin made her lunch, much to her surprise, and then left her alone so she could get ready for work.  Before he left to go back to Trace's house, he held her tight and kissed her softly, saying, "I'll miss you.  Come see me when you get home, ok?"

She got ready for work and was poking around her desk, looking for her address book, when she found her calendar that had been her daily routine before she'd met Justin.  As she perused the last month, she noticed something that made her freeze.  She turned ashen as she counted the days and realized that she was a week late.  She had never been this late.  Her period had always been regular and the only thing different now from then was that she'd been having sex.  "Oh My God," was all she could say as she found her birth control pills.  They had been a routine too, and still were, so Deb just stared at them, noticing each had been accounted for.

She still had a few hours before her shift started and she knew she couldn't wait until afterwards, so she grabbed her purse and drove to the nearest drugstore, buying 2 EPT kits and quickly returning home.  After taking the first test, she waited and silently prayed it wasn't true.  It couldn't be true.  She just could not be pregnant with Justin's baby.  He'd flip.  Hell, she'd flip.  She didn't want to have a baby...yet.

She paced around the room, dreading having to return to the bathroom where the test kit was sitting.  Justin was too young and way too busy to become a father.  Having seen him with his little brother, Deb had no doubt that he'd be a wonderful dad someday.  Deb knew she wasn't ready.  She always thought there would be marriage and a white picket fence before she became a mother.  The timer rang, so Deb went into the bathroom and took a deep breath before opening her eyes.  She slowly slumped to the floor.  "A baby!  I'm going to be a mom?"

She didn't know how long she sat there but when she looked at her watch, all she saw was that it was time to go to work.  The rest of the day was a blur and she went through it in a daze.  She took the second test with her and confirmed the earlier result while she was on her lunch hour. Several of her friends at work commented that she didn't look like she felt good.  She wanted to say, to scream, that she DIDN'T feel good.  She felt sick to her stomach with fear and dread.  As she drove home that night, she decided that she had to tell Justin tonight.
She hoped that it didn't send him running away from her.

The porchlight was on at the backdoor as she pulled into Trace's car port.  She killed the lights before driving in because she didn't want him to know she was there just yet.  She saw her reflection in the backdoor window before she knocked, which shocked her; she looked terrified.  She didn't know how she found the courage to knock but she did and was greeted by Justin, dressed casual in gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

"Wow, you are a sight for sore eyes.  Come in..." he said.  Even through her daze, she still was aware of him kissing her and holding her close.

As they walked in, she noticed he'd cleaned up the place and had even made the bed.  There were candles sitting around and his guitar was out, meaning he'd probably been writing all day.  "Did you clean for me?" she asked, giving him a smile as she sat on the bed.

"Yeah, plus, it was just nasty, so..." he said, a little smile curling his lips.  Then he frowned and said, "What's wrong?"

The moment she'd been dreading had arrived.  She sat on the bed and as she rung the bedspread in her hands, she wondered what he'd do.  She knew down deep in her heart that he did love her, whether he said the words or not, but this could potentially keep him from ever saying them.  "Justin, I'm pregnant," she blurted out as he walked toward her with a pop can.  She looked away and closed her eyes.

Total silence.  He said nothing.  He stopped breathing, period, and stopped walking.  "What did you say?" he whispered when he slowly sat down beside her.  He looked as petrified as she felt.

She just nodded, fighting the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.  Justin handed her the pop can and buried his face in his hands.  "Oh, God!  You've got to be joking!" he said loudly.  "Are you sure?"

Deb nodded again, swallowing the tears.  "I took the pregnancy test twice, using different brands.  Both times, it said positive.  I haven't been to the doctor yet.  I guess I'll go as soon as they can get me in."

He was looking at her with anger.  "You said you were on birth control.  Please tell me you didn't miss a day or something."

"I didn't.  I swear.  I checked and all the days are accounted for."

Justin just stared at her.  The anger had left his face, replaced again by shock.  "I am a dead man," he whispered as he got up and went back into the kitchen.  He returned with a glass with ice in it and handed it to her.  "What are we going to do?"

"I have no earthly idea," was all she could say.  She just wanted him to hold her and tell her it would be okay.  She could tell though that he needed that as much as she did.  She scooted closer to him and tentatively reached out to hold his hand.  He looked at her as she did and what she saw then scared her more than being pregnant did.  He was pulling away already.  She didn't recognize that look in his eyes.  Whatever had been there had changed.  He pulled his hand away and stood up, disappearing out the door before she could say anything.

She could see him on the front porch, putting on his sneakers and a jacket.  She met him as he came off the porch, headed toward the beach.  "What are you doing?" she said, stopping him with a hand on his arm.

"I need to think.  I'm going for a run.  It helps me process things.  I feel like I'm going to freak.  I don't know how long I'll be gone," he said in a hurry as he stepped around her and walked away.  No hug, no kiss, not even a look to comfort her and he was gone.

Deb didn't hang around the house long.  She wanted to go home.  She drove the mile or so to her house without realizing it and walked in her door, contemplating her next move.  She needed to talk to Janet.  As she called her number, she subconsciously scanned the beach in front of her house, hoping Justin could be seen, but to no avail.  To her surprise, Janet picked up the phone.  That was all it took and Deb started crying.  "Oh, thank God, you are finally home.  I need you to come over, please?" she sobbed into the phone.  She knew Janet would be there in no time flat because she was that kind of friend.

It wasn't too long before Janet came running into the house.  She found Deb curled up on the couch.  "What's wrong?  Deb, oh, don't cry.  What happened?  Did that Justin do something?" Janet said as she held Deb tightly listening to her cry.

Deb told her about what had happened and they made plans to go to Janet's doctor the next day.  They talked for several hours and when Justin knocked on the door, he was greeted by their angry glares.  He was still in his running attire as he walked in with Janet hot on his heels into the living room.

"Don't start, Janet," he said, without looking at her.  He was concentrating on Deb.  His eyes were softer than they had been but still largely unreadable.  He walked to Deb and knelt in front of her.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't know what to do.  I still don't know what to do."

Deb stroked his face and then hugged him.  She saw Janet's body language which told her that she had something to say.  As Justin stood up, he turned to Janet.  "I'm sorry too."

"I know it isn't wholly your fault, Justin.  I'm not that stupid.  It does take two to tango," she said and then looked at Deb.  "I'm going home.  I'll call in the morning once the doctor gives me a time, ok?  It's going to be ok.  We'll handle this."

Janet hugged Deb and patted Justin's arm as she walked by.  Justin rolled his eyes and sat down next to Deb.  "I need to take a shower, so I'll be back in a bit, ok?" he said.  He was acting strange and Deb could feel in her bones that it only meant one thing.  He was going to bolt.

Deb pulled him into a hug which he didn't seem to want to be a part of at first.  As she continued to hold him, he melted a little and then was soon, sighing against her neck, leaving soft kisses along her jaw.

When he finally did look at her, he smiled.  "I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you.  That's stupid.  I just feel real unsure right now."

Deb nodded.  "Same goes for me, baby.  I think I'll go to bed.  Wake me when you come in, ok?"

Justin kissed her gently and was gone before she opened her eyes.  "This isn't happening!" she screamed and pounded the pillow into the sofa a few times.

Later that night, Deb awoke as she felt Justin slide into bed beside her.  He drew her close to him and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the back of her neck softly.  They both fell asleep quickly both wondering what tomorrow would bring.

* * * * * * *

The next morning when Deb awoke, she was surprised, given his current state of mind, that Justin was still there with her.  And he was awake, lying on his side, looking at her.  He didn't look happy.  "Good morning," he said softly.

He leaned over her and smiled before kissing her, sweetly, like he had so many mornings since they'd met.  He looked at her too...for too long and then flopped over on his back, sighing loudly.

"I have to go home, Deb.  I have to think," he said loudly, staring at the ceiling as if it would offer some advice.  "JC is going to murder me.  I can't imagine what Chris will do, but it won't be pleasant.  Lance will just look at me like I'm scum and be all disappointed. Joey?  He might understand cuz this almost happened to him.  The worst, though, will be my mom and gramma!  God!  And your friend, Janet, will probably want me castrated but I have to go back to Orlando."

He turned to her, panic stricken.  "I'm gonna go take a shower," he said quickly and disappeared into the bathroom behind a closed door.

As she laid there, shaking her head, the phone rang and Janet had good news -- they could get in first thing that morning, so they made plans for Janet to swing by in about 30 minutes.  'Great!,' Deb thought as she got out of bed.  'I hope he didn't lock the door.'

She opened the bathroom door and steam poured out.  She slid the shower curtain back and peeked inside.  Justin turned to look at her as she admired his body with soapy water streaming down, caressing every dip and curve of his muscular chest and stomach.  He motioned for her to join him.  His hair was plastered flat with shampoo suds, but he looked good enough to lick.  As she stood in front of him, softly moving her hands over his soapy chest, he rubbed some lather on her shoulders and neck and ran his hands up her arms as she held them over her head.  He kissed her as he lathered her back and stroked his soapy hands over her breasts, lingering on her nipples.  He moved both hands down her hips to her ass which he grabbed firmly.  He kissed her roughly and pressed her up against the wall of the shower, pulling her legs around his waist.  They were both getting a little too involved for the amount of time they had available.  Through the haze of passion, Deb knew Janet wouldn't be impressed at all if she was late because of this, especially given the circumstances.

"Just...," she began as he continued to kiss her with abandon, with his arms crushing her against him.  "Baby, I have to go...."

Deb stroked his cheek as he nodded and closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing.  "Yeah, sorry..." he said softly.  He let her get under the shower stream to rinse off the suds and ran his hands over her shoulders and arms to help.  Before climbing out of the tub, she kissed his nose and said, "Thanks."

She was just finishing dressing when she heard Janet walk in.  "Deb?"

Scurrying toward the kitchen, Deb slipped on her sandals and grabbed her purse, coming to stand in front of her friend.  "Need I ask who's in the shower?" Janet said, raising an eyebrow.

"Janet, please?  Leave him alone.  Come on."

* * * * * * *

It was mid afternoon when Deb got home.  She'd been calling her own house and the beach house but Justin wasn't answering anywhere.  She tried his cell phone as well and got no answer.  She left messages but he hadn't called her.  She was getting a little worried about what it meant.

She and Janet had gone out to a celebratory lunch after spending the morning at the doctor's office.  She wasn't pregnant.  She wanted desperately to tell Justin the news so he wouldn't have to go through the hell of telling his family and friends.  As she walked around the house, looking for a sign of where he might be, she came across a note from Justin, on her pillow with a white teddy bear.  She knew what this meant.

Dear Deb,

I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye.  I need to go home and figure out what I'm going to tell everyone.  And I do mean EVERYONE.  I know I'm leaving when you need me, but I will be back.  I PROMISE!  I know that Janet will take care of you.

Please don't hate me.

Love,
Justin

Deb tore the note up into little pieces and threw it on the floor.

* * * * * * *

A week and a half had gone by without hearing a peep from Justin.  Deb went back to her routine of work.  When Janet found out about Justin splitting town, she was livid and had planned her trip to Orlando to pull him back by those golden curls, if need be.  A funny thing had happened.  She'd actually accepted the fact that Deb was going to love him whatever he did, even though Deb wasn't so sure anymore.  As every day passed, she became more and more sure that she'd never see him again.  She knew he was scared but what she didn't know was if she could forgive him for ditching her and running away.

One night, as Janet and Deb were watching a movie and eating popcorn, the telephone rang.  Since he'd left, Deb would frown at the phone and let it ring, waiting to see who it was when the answering machine picked up.  Janet, tired of the melodrama, answered the phone tonight.  "Hello...Deb's house?" she said, sticking her tongue out at Deb who was glaring at her.

"Uh...Is Deb there?" a male voice asked.

"It depends on who is asking."

"A friend," he said.

"Ok, Justin, if this is you, you little worm, I'll..."

"It's not Justin.  It's Chris...Kirkpatrick..." the voice said.

Janet's eyes got huge and she said, "Oh!  Sorry, just a sec..."

She put the phone to her chest and said, "Uh, sweetie, you should take this call, I think.  It's not who you are afraid it is."

Deb looked at her funny and took the phone.  "This is Deb."

"Deb, before you hang up, you have to listen to what we have to say," she heard a familiar voice say.

Before she could say anything, a different familiar voice said, "Please, just listen and then we'll leave you alone."

"Chris?  JC?  What is going on?  Why are you calling?  Did something happen to Justin?" she said in a run on sentence.

Chuckling filled her ear and then Chris said, "No, no!  He's a little pissed off, but he'll be fine.  What are you doing?"

Deb just shook her head, making the "he's crazy" motion to Janet.  "I'm not doing anything, really.  We are watching a movie.  Why?  Did Justin put you up to this?"

"Naw, the little coward has no say in the matter.  What's your address?" the voice she knew as JC said.  "Stop kicking me, man!  Sorry Deb."

"I live on the same road as Trace.  The house number is 3452.  Will you please tell me what's going on, JC?"

Chris broke in, "We have a present for you and we are delivering it to your doorstep.  We'll be there in a few minutes."

Deb just stammered for a few moments and then blurted out, "You're in Myrtle Beach?!"

"Yes, we are.  See you soon," JC said and the phone went dead.

Deb looked at the phone with her mouth still open and then at Janet.  "Oh, My God!  JC and Chris are on their way over."

Janet just laughed at Deb's expression.  "You're joking."

Deb jumped off the sofa and shut the TV off, before quickly placing the popcorn bowl on the counter in the kitchen.  She started folding up the blankets they'd been using and then ran out of the room again.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Janet yelled.

Deb stopped for one moment, in front of Janet.  "*NSYNC is on their way over!"

Janet got up slowly and folded her blanket.  She walked into the kitchen and saw Deb counting the popcans in her refrigerator.  She checked the ice and the liquor cabinet all in a few seconds.  "DEB!" Janet yelled again, grabbing Deb's arm to make her stop.  "Why are you acting like this?  It's not like you've never met them!  My God, you've been getting your freak on with Timberlake for....Is Justin with them?"

Deb just nodded and took a deep breath.  "I know.  He could be.  They didn't say," she said slowly and then took off and slammed the door behind her as she went in the bathroom.  Janet just leaned against the counter to watch.

The phone rang again and Janet answered it.  "Hi.  Deb?" a male voice said.  It wasn't the same one as before.

"No, this is her personal assistant.  How may I help you?" Janet said with a grin.

"Oh, just a sec..." he said.

She listened to the sound of several male voices and lots of scuffling around.  Then, "Uh, sorry.  I'm told that Deb doesn't have a personal assistant."

"This is Janet and if you are those *NSYNC guys, you better watch yourselves tonight because I have a bone to pick with one of you.  Let me guess.  You are lost.  Right?"

Another male voice, deeper than the rest took over the phone.  "Janet, is it?  This is Lance Bass.  We are not having much luck finding the road.  Could you please give us some assistance?"

Janet gave them directions through quiet giggles that she didn't allow them to hear.  When Deb found her, Janet was sitting on a stool at the counter with a humored expression.  She just laughed and shook her head, indicating with her hands that she had nothing to say.  Deb just chuckled and counted the cans in the fridge again.

Ten minutes passed before they heard car doors slamming and then some more scuffling and a knock at the door.  As Deb opened the door, she saw JC and Chris standing in front.  "Hey, Deb!" they said, very much in sync.

"Hi, guys.  Come in," she said, stepping aside.  Janet just watched with a knowing smile.

JC said, as he followed Chris in, "We brought a present.  And it's not a puppy."

Deb turned to see Lance and Joey smiling at her.  And they both hand their grips on a rather rumpled, angry looking Justin.

"Hey, Deb!" Joey said.

As Joey and Lance passed her, they seemed to be dragging Justin by the arms and he was fighting like a wild cat.  When he'd lash out, Janet noticed how Joey and Lance would just grab him tighter.  There were curses flying out of Justin's mouth that Deb had never heard him say.  Lance handed his 'justin arm' to Chris and walked up to Deb.

"I'm sorry for the ruckus.  He's not too happy with us right now.  It has nothing to do with you though.  It might be the fact that we...uh...sorta tied him up in the back of the van for most of the ride.  Or the gag we put on when he wouldn't stop calling us names.  But, what could we do?  He's been driving us nuts and he wouldn't leave on his own accord.  We weren't going to be rude and ask you to come get him because, frankly, we didn't think you'd have him," Lance said in fine southern gentlemanly fashion.

Deb just chuckled at the whole situation.  Justin's demeanor was a little crazed and his actions were scary to her.  She'd never seen this side of him, though she was sure they'd put him through hell on the way and his nerves and emotions were raw.

As she and Lance joined the rest of them in the living room, she saw Joey and Chris shove Justin down into the chair.  Justin sunk down into it gratefully as his friend's perched on the arms of the chair.

Lance, again, seemed to be the spokesman.  "We know about the baby.  He finally told us a few days ago.  And then, though we tried to offer advice and help him make some decisions, he sulked and acted like a child.  Even his mom wanted to kick his butt but she's a nice lady and well, we were tired of watching the whole melodrama.  Did he say goodbye before he left, Deb?"

"No," she said, looking at Justin who was now calming down.  He looked like he'd been run over on the highway a few times.  The jeans and jacket he wore were faded and worn...the shirt was a blue tie dye, torn in several places.  His hair was harnassed by a red bandana that barely seemed to be able to hold all the curls back.  He looked scruffy which seemed to match his mood as he scowled at Chris who was leaning close, saying something.

"Oh, yes, I'd like to address that with your hostage, if I might," Janet said quickly, stepping closer to Justin, who was eyeing her warily.

Joey smiled at her as he and Chris stood up and moved aside.  Justin seemed to cower and look pleadingly at Deb.  "Justin, come here," Janet said as she grabbed hold of the bandana that loosly held his hands together.  He leaned back as she pulled him closer.  Almost nose to nose, Janet smiled, "Didn't I tell you not to hurt my friend?"

Justin nodded several times but returned her stare, and then again looked at Deb for help.  "Did I tell you that I'm a black belt in karate, Froboy?"

Deb saw Justin's eyes dart around the room and land on her.  "Please, Deb, tell them to let me go.  I'm sorry I vanished," he said in a rush.

Deb looked at JC.  "Why is he still tied up?  Can you untie his hands?  Please, JC?"

JC sighed, nodding as he walked over and slid the bandana from around Justin's wrists.  "Will you calm down and talk to her?  I promise we'll leave you alone as long as you speak the truth," JC whispered as he gripped Justin's shoulder and squeezed.

Justin nodded and looked down, rubbing his wrists and stepping away from Chris.  Janet walked with Lance, Joey, JC and Chris out on to the deck and closed the door.  Justin straightened his clothes a little and rolled his shoulders before walking toward Deb.  Being tied up in the back of a van didn't make for a very put-together fashion statement.

"You look tired," Deb said as she finally saw him close eough.

Justin just rolled his eyes.  "Screaming and yelling and being tied up for 8 hours in a van makes you tired."

"Why did they have to bring you to me tied up?" Deb asked.

Justin, looking a little sheepish, took a deep breath and shrugged.  "I have no good explanation.  I just freaked.  Having to tell everyone scared me to death.  The thought of being a father still scares me."

"I still haven't heard anything particularly affirming about why you left or what you decided," Deb said sadly.  "I'd have thought you'd be better at this."

"I suck at this!  Why would you think I'd be good at it?  It's not everyday someone tells me I'm going to be a father!  They don't have a section in the Handbook of Boybands that deals with this topic."

Deb couldn't help but smile.  "So has anything changed?"

Justin just looked out the window, licking his lips, studying the ocean as it rushed onto the beach.  "Believe me, being tied up and thrown in the back of a van for 8 hours, by your own friends, tends to be life altering."

"AND?" Deb said, getting annoyed.

"I missed you."

"That's nice, but why didn't you call?  What have you learned?  Did you have any lightbulb moments?  Any epiphanies?"

Justin looked at her and reached out, slowly stroking her arm.  "I've talked to everyone I know about this and I realized that I had, or have, a lot of growing up to do.  Running away was just a knee jerk reaction.  I AM sorry because it wasn't very supportive of you," he paused to run his finger along the bracelet around Deb's wrist. "You're still wearing it."

She just nodded.

Justin stepped a little closer and stroked her arm softly.  "You and me..."

Just then, Joey walked in quickly and took Justin's hand off of Deb's arm.  "Wait!  Wait!  NO physical contact."

"Why?" Deb asked.

Joey just shook his head and grinned at Deb, then turned to his friend.  "Have you said everything, Curly??  I don't think you have and we are getting cold out there, so would you move it along, please?" he said, slapping his hand firmly but affectionately on Justin's shoulder and then heading back to the deck.

Justin looked annoyed by the contact and then snickered.  "I love that guy.  He's listened to me cry and whine about this for hours and hours."

"You and me?  You started to say 'you and me'?  That's what you said.  What are you trying to say?" Deb said, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden.

He smiled at her, saying softly, "You've opened yourself to me in every way since the day we met.  I admire the way you are so resolute and fierce in your love for me.  I never questioned your ulterior motives. I know I'm not worthy, but I DO love you.  I think we will be awesome parents.  You're, like, my hero."